If success is, as the dictionary defines it, achieving a desired goal or outcome, then the logical answer to “am I successful?” is what did you want and did you get it? In this episode we take a deep dive on the different ways women in their 50s measure success. Independence, boundaries, money, time, stability, peace just to name a few. So, grab a cocktail or a mocktail (we both stepped back from the booze this week) and get ready to take stock of the good life.
(Stasha and Cheryl both decided to take night off from the booze this episode thanks to our fantastic weekend get together in the days before. Never forget, you can always take a break!)
Stasha’s Raspberry/Mint Mocktail Mashup
· ¼ c raspberries
· 2/3 leaves fresh mint
· ½ oz fresh lime juice
· 1 tsp sugar or simple syrup
· 1 c sparkling water
Mash/muddle raspberries and mint in the bottom of a glass. Add lime juice and simple syrup and stir. Add ice. Add sparkling water (I prefer La Croix or Bublé) and garnish.
Cheryl’s Lemon tea
· 1 Lemon tea bag
· Hot water
Put tea bag in hot water. Wait 3 minutes. Remove tea bag. Drink up.
If success is, as the dictionary defines it, achieving a desired goal or outcome, then the logical answer to “am I successful?” is what did you want and did you get it? In this episode we take a deep dive on the different ways women in their 50s measure success. Independence, boundaries, money, time, stability, peace just to name a few. So, grab a cocktail or a mocktail (we both stepped back from the booze this week) and get ready to take stock of the good life.
(Stasha and Cheryl both decided to take night off from the booze this episode thanks to our fantastic weekend get together in the days before. Never forget, you can always take a break!)
Stasha’s Raspberry/Mint Mocktail Mashup
· ¼ c raspberries
· 2/3 leaves fresh mint
· ½ oz fresh lime juice
· 1 tsp sugar or simple syrup
· 1 c sparkling water
Mash/muddle raspberries and mint in the bottom of a glass. Add lime juice and simple syrup and stir. Add ice. Add sparkling water (I prefer La Croix or Bublé) and garnish.
Cheryl’s Lemon tea
· 1 Lemon tea bag
· Hot water
Put tea bag in hot water. Wait 3 minutes. Remove tea bag. Drink up.
Stasha Boyd 00:01
Hi there, I'm Stasha.
Cheryl Stuller 00:03
I'm Cheryl.
Stasha Boyd 00:05
And between us we
Cheryl Stuller 00:05
have four kids,
Stasha Boyd 00:07
three businesses,
Cheryl Stuller 00:08
two husbands and one goal.
Stasha Boyd 00:10
To get to The Point of the Matter.
Cheryl Stuller 00:11
Do you look at other people and go, I would like that. Because if you are setting yourself up to look at other people and go, Well, they have the nice house or they have the boat, or they have the this or they have the that. And Oh, they must be happy with all of that, that's going to make them happy. If that's your goal, then you- number one, you're not going to be happy. And you're going to not set yourself up responsibly, financially, and you're not going to enjoy what you're doing.
Stasha Boyd 00:48
Somebody, however, if your goal was to be calm today, and like not let things bother you today, and somebody gets under your skin, and you're out there like taking a baseball bat to their headlight, well, that's not a successful day, is it. Cheryl! Hi, Cheryl.
Cheryl Stuller 01:03
Hi, Stasha.
Stasha Boyd 01:04
How are you?
Cheryl Stuller 01:06
I'm doing okay, how are you?
Stasha Boyd 01:09
I had such a great weekend. I mean, I'm doing fantastic, lovely time. For all our listeners. Cheryl and I and our husbands Mike and Brian and a couple of her kids, we all got together at her, her lake house this past weekend as we were getting together and hanging out and having a- tippin' a few back here and there. I do believe that we killed two bottles of tequila at some point I think.
Cheryl Stuller 01:35
We really did. I gave her a gift of tequila, and triple sec, and even the lime juice thinking Oh, I'm going to help them for Fourth of July. They'll have this to, you know, to put out on their bar and then we ended up drinking it.
Stasha Boyd 01:49
All of it. Maybe in one night. I don't, I don't know.
Cheryl Stuller 01:54
It was, it was pretty- we were pretty serious about our drinking this weekend.
Stasha Boyd 01:57
Exactly. So, in honor of that, we both have decided that we were going to kind of, I personally decided I'm gonna do like a mocktail. So I have my little um, this is my favorite mocktail. I like using the bubbly, and some muddled raspberries and a little bit of cranberry juice for some some color. And that's also a nice little kind of afternoon cocktail. So that's that's what I got going.
Cheryl Stuller 02:23
And I'm doing lemon tea.
Stasha Boyd 02:25
Mmm hmm. See? We can do it, ladies.
Cheryl Stuller 02:29
We can. We can, we can cut it off when we need to.
Stasha Boyd 02:32
Yep. Well, I will start real quick with my, my good news of the week. So earlier today you'd mentioned the award from last week. So today, I got to record my acceptance speech for... we got an award for, from the American Council of the Blind for their audio description project. For folks who don't know, part of what my company does is we help folks who are blind or have low vision by creating audio description of museums and galleries and national parks and visitor parks. And our company was nominated. And I was nominated individually for a national award from one of the two major associations of this community, the blind community, and one individual describer or individual of the year. So, it's quite an honor.
Cheryl Stuller 03:21
And very well deserved.
Stasha Boyd 03:22
Thank you.
Cheryl Stuller 03:23
You did a lot of that pro bono. So, and I know that's a passion project for you particularly for the blind.
Stasha Boyd 03:31
Yeah, yeah. I actually forgot about the, to mention the part about for the local Fringe Festival that the local theatre group, we're putting together a new theater park, but- anywho, yeah. But that was the that was my good news of the day. So that was nice.
Cheryl Stuller 03:44
That, yes, very nice. And congratulations.
Stasha Boyd 03:47
Thank you. And how about you Cheryl?
Cheryl Stuller 03:52
Okay, I don't know what you're gonna say about my town after this story. But, we are building a new building for our business and the contractors were out on our property, leveling it out, getting it, getting it ready to put the building foundation down. One of the guys used- tried to use the porta john on the property and when he opened up the door, it was completely splattered with blood on the inside. So they called the police and the police came out and they actually had heard that this woman had showed up in the ER. But she they and this is the aggravating part. The original detective that responded said that it looked like she had committed suicide. And I said Why? Why would it be suicide when she had slash marks down her arm and across her neck? Those were defense wounds. And he told my husband just- just have the porta john people swap you out a new porta john. And I said, Absolutely not are you going to do that. You are going to keep that on the property because that is evidence. You can have them bring out another one. But you're not going to take that off. And thank God that I told him that because two hours later, after they actually interviewed her, yeah, it was a domestic dispute and the guy tried to kill her.
Stasha Boyd 05:26
Oh, oh, my God. Okay. Cheryl. Two things. Number one, yes. I'm very concerned about your town, quite frankly, we have gone from just random, random, like parking disputes to what was last week, oh, like drunk people falling down behind your tire. And then now it's like, Okay, now we're up to like attempted murder.
Cheryl Stuller 05:48
Attempted murder. I know.
Stasha Boyd 05:50
Yes. But you're also though, because you also were the- won the award from the domestic violence shelter. And I mean, it definitely makes that point about how quickly somebody- a trained professional, would jump to a conclusion. Who the fuck commits suicide in a porta john?!
Cheryl Stuller 06:07
And dismissed her, dismissed her as being a suicide victim, when just hearing the news about that upset me that he would do that, you know, without even talking to her. So yeah, and I've tried to reach out to the officer to see how she's doing. And I haven't gotten a call back. So I'm waiting to hear back on that. And then my mom is still in the hospital. She was supposed to be moved to a rehab facility to get some strength back. And they are still concerned about a few things. So she is still in the hospital. I found out today. So that was rather discouraging, as well.
Stasha Boyd 06:48
Yeah. So that's, that's quite the day. And we'll have to do an episode on squeeze generation, you know, between, you know, the kids, and the adults, and the parents and the businesses. And, again, women in our age range, you do get squeezed from a lot of different directions. A lot. Yeah.
Cheryl Stuller 07:05
Yeah. And, and we have older parents now. What do you do with those older parents? How do you check in on them? To make sure that they're okay, because, you know, she laid on the floor for two days. And I'm- at least two days, I think it was more, but my brother who was supposed to be checking on her didn't, so we need to have a family episode too.
Stasha Boyd 07:30
Okay, yeah, we're, I'm gonna write all that down.
Cheryl Stuller 07:33
Oh Lord have mercy. Yes. All right.
Stasha Boyd 07:35
But for right now, we're actually talking about a different subject. And it's a really cool subject. It's the, the day's topic is... What?
Cheryl Stuller 07:43
Success.
Stasha Boyd 07:44
Success. And I actually, I'm very excited about this, this topic, I think it's a really cool one, because so many things, especially when you get into your 50s, you start thinking about what you've done right, what you've done wrong. I think a lot of women, especially people that I know, who are, you know, you're you're not quite at retirement, yet, but you're, so you're still working or in some version of that. So people look back, you know, did I achieve the the success I wanted in my work, did I do what I'd set out to do in work. A lot of people have either really good marriages or relationships, others have difficult ones. It's like, it's a real transition time, I think, in your mid 50s, for women.
Cheryl Stuller 08:25
Very much so. And there's a lot of people who, at at our age and stage are getting divorces, and starting all over with new relationships, which I, I'm, I never want to have to do that. But that, to me, is a really stressful thing. So having a successful marriage, I think is really important. And putting the work into that, if you want to be with that person, obviously, but doing the work that it takes to not be stagnant in, in your relationship and in your marriage and making it successful is- it's a lot of work.
Stasha Boyd 09:01
Yeah. And I think that's one of the things. So I kind of put together a little bit of a short list of things that we- when we ask ourselves, you know, do we feel successful or not? You know, do you feel like you, you did what you set out to do or what your next goals are? And I have a list, you know, marriage, work, finance, children, parents, creativity, artistry, you know, all of these different things that people kind of ask themselves, you know, well, am I, am I successful? Do I feel successful? And I looked, actually I went and I looked up the actual definition. So if you go to the dictionary to look up- because I started thinking about it, and I was thinking, Well, what does it mean to like, just, to be a success? And so, the dictionary definition is pretty straight up. It's "achievement of a specific aim, goal or purpose, or a favorable or desired outcome."
Cheryl Stuller 09:56
Okay, I successfully didn't throat punch my brother when I found out he hadn't checked on my mom. I think that's, that's a huge success.
Stasha Boyd 10:07
I would agree. However, I do think you were helped by geography, I think you, you're in, up there and-
Cheryl Stuller 10:16
I didn't even go down there because I knew how that would turn out. So to me, I made a decision. And my daughter went down there because she is really close with her grandmother. So that was a better decision. So I felt success in that because I knew that for me to go down there would not have been helpful at the time and would have stressed her out more. And then myself as well, because I have a very contentious relationship with my brother, so.
Stasha Boyd 10:47
Yeah, well, also, for the listeners, this particular daughter is in her- she's in her mid 30s now, isn't she? Yeah. So this is an adult daughter, this is not- she didn't send a teenager down there to deal with grandma. No, but so this is a competent person. So, um, no, I but I think that is a question though. So when we asked about, talked about, like successful relationships. There's family relationships. So for people who... I think I'm probably like asked that one, it's like, you know, how do you set and achieve a goal with family? You know, when you're looking back? Okay, how am I gonna, it's like, am I, do I have successful family relationships? What does that even mean?
Cheryl Stuller 11:27
I think it's a success, when you are able to set and recognize and enforce limits and boundaries and stick up. I've told you before, when we talked about relationships, and I said to you, I don't care if they are family or not, if they are not healthy in your life, and we're at the age now, where that's important. How we live our day to day, you know, we've done all the bullshit things that we needed to do. Now we're going to be authentic and live a happier healthy life by getting rid of those people that aren't conducive to that. And for me, my, my brother is one of those people.
Stasha Boyd 12:11
Yeah. And I and for me, I think it's, it's different. Because I, I do think with family, with my family, at least, again, I don't want to speak for everyone's family, certainly. With my family, it kind of folds into that whole idea of my greater goals of success. And one of my goals of success is, you know, am I living a peaceful life? I mean, is there peace in my life? And I know that I am not, you know, my parents and my mother can be a challenging person. She's also a wonderful person, but I try and look at it go, am I having a good time? Am I able to communicate? Am I, am I there for her, you know, able to be the daughter that I want to be, at the same time, not be the daughter that I don't want to be, you know, I don't want to be the one who ends up uprooting her own life or damaging her own marriage because of the demands of somebody else. And so how, and I feel like, how successful am I at achieving that? And right now, I think I'm doing pretty good. You know, I'm very fortunate, you know, my parents are both pretty healthy overall, especially my mother. My father's got a few things going on. But, you know, we've got we've put plans together. And when I had the- when my mom and I are having conversations about Okay, how are we going to handle things if scenario one happens, which is like something happens to my dad or scenario two something happens to my mom, or scenario three, something happened to the house, or my brother, what are we going to do? And we put together plans, reasonable plans, that make sure that it's like, you know, I'm not being asked to do something insane, like, you know, one of the things I've told them- told my folks, is that, you know, if something significant happens- and they live about an hour and a half away, if something significant happens where they need significant care, then they have to come here. I can't upend everything and move up there. You know, so and that was not her first ideal. She did not necessarily want that. But the other option wasn't gonna work out. I just can't pack up everything and move up there. So, so I consider it a success because I wanted to be able to have both an autonomous life but also a good relationship with my mom.
Cheryl Stuller 14:55
And you are good at that. You are very good at that.
Stasha Boyd 14:55
It took me a long time
Cheryl Stuller 15:01
It was different with my brother, because we just have always had that relationship that never really worked. We're two totally different people. So I feel no regret in that decision. And, um, you know, that's that's worked for us, and then coming together over this stuff with my mom has been very challenging, you know, so... but I successfully navigated it because I kept my cool, I said what I had to say about him not checking on her. And, and, you know, didn't let him interrupt me or reframe the conversation. And then we moved on. Okay, I said, what I had to say, Now, let's talk about what we need to do going forward.
Stasha Boyd 15:46
Right. But I think that's kind of important. I notice this, I see a lot right now all over, you know, Facebook and the social media, all these people posting this stuff about, you know, if you have that relationship that you have, that's that friendship or with your family, you know, reach out to them, make it right now, because someday you're not going to be able to and, and it goes on and on and on. And basically, they're telling people, they're saying, you know, look, there is one way to be- to have the right family relationship. And that is, you know, you must come together with love and understanding, and you have to do whatever you have to do to make that work. And I think that's some bullshit. I think it's bullshit. Yeah. Because here's the thing, what if you make a decision based upon, you know, at the end of your days, you know, you make a decision, you make the best decision you can, and you're willing to accept it and live with those consequences, and say, you know, what, they had to go for a reason. And I am sorry, that we just don't have this wonderful, happy, you know, beautiful Hallmark movie family relationship. Wouldn't it have been nice if it had been different? But it wasn't different. It isn't different. And I have a whole other life to lead.
Cheryl Stuller 16:46
Exactly.Yeah.
Stasha Boyd 16:58
Yeah. So I think that is one thing that I would say for a lot of folks, you know, if you, if you're so called, if you're so moved, and you want to go out there and, and really try and make amends with some people that have, you know, been hurtful or damaged, or you feel like you have had some responsibility, you know, that you want to make a change for, by all means, and I will be your girl, I will be right there with you. I will hold your hand. I'll do whatever you want me to do. But if you say to me, You know what? I've examined it. I've given it my best thought. And no, I want to close that door and keep that door closed. I'm still your girl. I'm like, absolutely. You made you made your best decision. I'm with you. I'll be, I'll be your backup.
Cheryl Stuller 17:36
Yeah, I agree. I agree.
Stasha Boyd 17:39
Because that's goes back to that idea- and I think we talked about this a little bit in body image- about how so many times other media decides what your success should look like.
Cheryl Stuller 17:48
Exactly. I don't identify with- and I never have looked up to- have you? Do you ever look up to stars or you know, like the Kardashians or the famous actors or a band or something like I've never, I've never gauged anything about my life on somebody else that way. And I think that came from my upbringing of being very independent and very work centered, and very confident early on in life. And I got to do a lot early on in life, a lot of responsibility. I was driving at 11, you know, that kind of stuff. So I've never looked outward. I've always reflected inward and kind of decided what I wanted to do going forward and how I wanted to get there, except, and my daughter reminded me of this today when, when I told her what our topic was going to be. And she was like, Well, why did you get married right out of high school, then? You know, and I don't think my parents did a good job of talking to me about, other than working, what are you going to do to be a successful adult? What is that going to look like for you? Is it going to be college? Is it going to be a trade school? Is it going to be you're going to work your way up and in a company, like, we never had those discussions. So, and back in 1984, when I graduated, everybody was getting married. Which is one of the reasons I looked up to you in that regard, because you've always been very independent. You took a different road. You went to college, you had your own career, you got married late, and we see that in the millennial age group now. A lot of my daughter's friends are not married and do you not want to get married or have children. In fact, the majority of them are choosing that path. I didn't even know what I wanted to do or how to get there.
Stasha Boyd 20:00
Well, and also, you didn't know that there was a different path there was there was no conversation about any- it was like you said the conversations about options were with your brother. You didn't have any conversations about options at all. And I don't know that- nobody ever came out and said, Hey, you know, Cheryl, we're planning for you to get married at 18 and leave home. I mean, that didn't happen, did they?
Cheryl Stuller 20:21
No, and and they didn't want me to marry who I married. But there wasn't a follow up conversation. Okay, well, then what do I do? And I, and I take ownership of that. But I also feel like at that young, impressionable age, had somebody sat me down, even if it wasn't my parents, like a mentor or something, and said, You know, there's other options, other than just getting married. And these are, these are some of the options I could see you doing. I wish, I wish somebody had taken the time to do that with me. Because I had children very young, and, you know, got married very young.
Stasha Boyd 21:03
Yeah. But that's, I think, you know, even though I can't think it brings up an important point. You took an action, and you still are remained successful. You know, you you had children, those children grew up and they're fine. You have a you're a grandmother, your grandson is is fabulous. You had a difficult first marriage. And as soon as you realized the mistake of that you made a change. And you have a successful second marriage. Um, I think that you know, and for me, it's like, a lot of people talk about successful marriages, you know, Granny and Granddaddy, they were married for 73 years. And here's the thing. Everybody's gonna say Oh my gosh, that's just amazing. You know, people just don't do that anymore. Wasn't that wonderful? I'm like, well, not for Granny it wasn't. I mean, yes, they loved each other. Yes, it was a long, long marriage. And there's a lot of benefits to that. But let me tell you something. She was married to a man who insisted that not only that she cook every meal fresh. Had to cook fresh every day, it had to be on the table at specific times, whether he was there to eat it or not. He might not- he, it's like he expected, you know, dinner was at 11:30. So if you, if he walked in the door, you know, at 11:25 it better be hot and getting on the table. If he walked in at 11:45 it better be on the oven being kept warm for him. If he didn't come home at all, you throw that one out, and you make him another one for supper.
Cheryl Stuller 22:34
Oh, wow. So that's that, um, that's that age group that grew up in that time period and how they viewed women. And that carried over. Even I, you know, I told you about, um, my dad and my brother got to go take a shower and watch TV and relax. My mom and I had to then cook dinner after working in the field all day. So that carried over even into the 80s. And you and Olivia are were talking about- it wasn't until, what the 90s before we got protection in the workplace from sexual harassment.
Stasha Boyd 23:13
Yeah, that was the Civil Rights Act of 1991. So that was one that- that tied back to the Civil Rights Act of 1964. And that basically, it tied those two things together. And even then it took a little while to do some clarification to make sure this means this. And that means that, you know, but I do think that was something that I had that was a little different, my folks, even though it was still that same time period, my mother was a nurse and worked outside the home, my dad had started his construction business. So, it was expected that I was going to work outside the home. And it was so funny, because it's like at one point, you know, I wasn't really sure what I wanted to do. And it was like one of those, take your kid to work day things. And so I went to work with Mama, about being a nurse, this is in high school. And afterwards, on the ride home in the car, she says like, Oh, just so you know, by the way, if you decide you want to go into medicine, you're going to be a doctor, you're not going to be a nurse.
Cheryl Stuller 24:04
Good for her. So you got to have that discussion. You had a very independent mom who set such a strong example for you as well. I always admired how strong of a woman she was.
Stasha Boyd 24:18
Yeah, and that was definitely kind of a given. I just kind of grew up knowing that making your own way was important. And all of that always kind of tied together. And you know, as long as you were able to pay your own bills, you're grown up, you're successful. You know, that was the key to success. It's like if you're if you're able to pay your own way, make your own decisions, then that is what a successful adult looks like. It was never about like wealth and riches. And you mentioned like, you know, the celebrity, even though I went into acting and performing and the arts. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I've ever watched the Oscars. I don't care. I, to me that particular event is watching privileged people celebrate their privileges. Even if it is about, you know, a really good performance. It's like, you know, I admire a performance. I used to look at different performers and actors and say, Man, I wish I could do what they just did. At that level, I spend most of my time in school, I was a theatrical actor, I had very little exposure to film and television acting. So every time I would get an audition for those film and television, obviously, I'm going to overact because I'm acting for the stage. Hello, Shakespeare. And now it's time to be a bit more subtle. Yes. Oh, yes. Don't cry for me, Argentina. But so so it kind of brings into to career about, you know, what it means to be successful in a career. I was in a career as an actor, and like my parents said, We don't really care what you do, you're just paying your own way, whatever that thing is. So um, so I left college. That was it. I'm paying my own way. And I felt anytime I had work that was compensating me, paying me at all for performing. And I worked in children's theater, I worked in improv comedy, I worked in and these were all the paying gigs. I worked in B movies, I worked in industrial films and commercials. Eventually, I started working in the theme parks which brings you back to live entertainment. Um, it was funny cuz that was like the thing they pay actors and entertainers in theme parks, stupid money for what- what you do for a living, it's fabulous. But the idea of success for me in, in this particular profession, in acting, only about 20% of the people who are considered quote unquote, professional actors make their living in performing. So as long as I was primarily- making my primary living in a performance of some fashion, I felt successful. And somebody asked me one time, it was like, Well, why don't, you know, why don't you just move to LA, it's like, you know, you're not really a success unless you're, you know, a big name. And I think I remember telling them, I said, it's like, you know what, there are a lot of successful accountants in the world. But nobody would say that to them, because they didn't have a corner office at Arthur Andersen, in Manhattan, on the 34th floor. You know, you can be a successful person, and just pay your bills, put a little money back. And you're plenty successful.
Cheryl Stuller 27:40
And hopefully, you know, talking about just the little things, not talking about money or what you have. But talking about the little things, the little achievements that we do every single day, you know, success sometimes can be: I got out of bed today, when I didn't want to, or I didn't flip the guy off that cut me off in traffic, that was a success, or I did and I felt good about it, you know. Um, every time I work out, and I give it my all, I feel success in that, so it can also be the little things that you do or don't do that you can count as success, successes.
Stasha Boyd 28:24
Well, like we were saying, like that definition, you know. Like, you know, you're you're achieving a specific aim or goal, you know, if your goal is to, you know, I'm going to be calm today, and you decide, somebody provokes you, and you don't flip them off, well, you've achieved your goal. If somebody has, however, if your goal was to be calm today and not let things bother you today, and somebody gets under your skin and you're out there like taking a baseball bat to their headlights, well, that's not a successful day, then is it? You know, it's like you did not succeed with your goal. Um, but also sometimes, you know, if your goal is to you know, have and enforce boundaries, then and to reasonably do so, then being able to, saying to your brother saying, I'm not going to go down there I'm, you know, I'm gonna have a daughter go down there. That's also a successful relationship because you've achieved the goal.
Cheryl Stuller 29:11
Exactly. And in the process, stood up for my own mental health which, he has a particular way of treating me that, you know, going back to our triggered episode it, it triggers a, it triggers anxiety in me like I even feel it down in my stomach. Because of how he treated me growing up and everything. So I, you know, and you went to college, I think one of my regrets is not finishing college, I started and did two years and then I got pregnant with my second child. And it was just too much to keep up with a three year old and being pregnant and trying to go to school full time, and I even checked into going back to college this last year, and I was like, you know, why am I doing this to myself, I'm not going to want to have to turn in a paper, I'm not going to want to have to deal with all the 20 year olds. You know, I'm 55 go into college, and they even wanted this college that I that accepted me wanted me to take an intro to college class. I'm like, dudes, I'm 55 I think I know how life works. And I know how college works. I've been there, you're gonna have to rethink that whole thing. So I think that kind of turned me off. You know. And I'm to the point where it's, it's a goal unmet because I didn't get to finish. But at the same time, I'm also at this stage in life, where Success to me is being able to do some of the things that I want to do now that I set aside for myself, when I was raising kids, you know, because I never had the whole going to college. And I got married at 18. I had responsibility, and have had for a long time. So I never got to party and do all of that kind of stuff. So I'm kind of doing some of that now. Hanging out with friends, drinking, cussing the things I didn't ever do before. Because I was a mom.
Stasha Boyd 31:23
Yeah. Well see, and here's the thing, I think if you ever decided that you wanted to go back to college, I think you'd enjoy it a lot. I also think, you know, just the learning side of it, to rather than like going to get the degree, find out if you can audit the courses. Because if you audit the courses, then you know, you're not getting a grade, you don't have to turn in all them papers if you don't want to. But you can get the education out of it or doing some of those really cool online things, the online colleges, on any subject that interests you, I think you'd be really good at it. Because you do have that, you know, the discipline that a person who's in their 50s brings to a project is different than the discipline that a person who's in their, you know, 20s brings. So, I think, I think, if you ever decided to do it, you know, I think you'd enjoy it. But I-
Cheryl Stuller 32:09
No, I, Yeah, I agree.
Stasha Boyd 32:12
Yeah. But you were saying something about, like, you know, enjoying life and having that be a successful thing. That's actually when I kind of gauge my success and whether I think I'm successful. I don't think- I think I kind of have the same thing, I don't, I usually don't compare and despair. You know, I'm not the one that's gonna sit around and go, it's like, Oh my God, you know, I don't have this, I don't have that. Now, occasionally, I will look at something that somebody else is doing or whatever. And I look at it more as the priorities. I'm like, Yeah, man, it's really cool that they have that thing. Wouldn't it be cool if we did, too? And then I take like, five minutes later, I'll go like, Okay, well, what would I do with that? Like, for example, like one of the things we have a lot of friends right now who have, you know, second homes up in North Carolina. And it's like, Yeah, man, wouldn't that be cool? Wouldn't it be cool to have like a, you know, a little getaway house in North Carolina. But the thing is, for me, that would not be cool. If I abstractly, it's like, yeah, that sounds like a neat idea. But for me, I like to travel. That is one of my main things. So I would rather go and have an Airbnb or vacation rental by owner, you know, in Maine, one year or one month, and three months later, another one in Montana, and three months after that another one in the keys, maybe after that, we'll be in Mexico. And after that, we'll be in Portugal, to have one place, one spot in one place. It's just not me, man. I'd never do it, I would never go.
Cheryl Stuller 33:41
And part of me agrees with you on that. Because it's actually a lot of work to have two houses. And I don't know if you clean your house yourself, but I clean my houses myself. So you're able to keep up with the maintenance and cleaning. And then you have, you know, which is nice to have people visit but it's a lot of work to host people and cook for them and make sure they're having a good time. And all of that, so-
Stasha Boyd 34:09
Right now I am cleaning my own house. And I think Mike really wishes that I wouldn't.
Cheryl Stuller 34:14
Because?
Stasha Boyd 34:15
Well, we let- at the start of COVID, when our business got so hammered. You know, again, going back to my whole philosophy about money in and money out, you ain't got no money coming in, you make sure you have as little as possible going back out. So the first thing we did when we said you know, got rid of the yard guy, got rid of the house cleaner, got rid of like all of the, the lawnmower person, all of these extraneous, you know, things I was like, Okay, if we're not working, we've got plenty of time to do this ourselves. Um, and then also, you know, she was she, she became quite the, the QAnon person too, so it's like, okay, she was gonna have to go anyway. But, um, but so we just kind of let all that go. And we do know that we're gonna bring it back because one of the great things I, I am, when I do get around to cleaning, it's not my number one priority, God knows, I will clean something within an inch of its life. So that means it's going to take me three hours to clean a kitchen. It'll take me an hour and a half to clean a bathroom. It'll take me you know, because I'm going to be there with the toothbrush doing all the little things, hands and knees on the floor. You can't do that as a regular way of keeping your house up. So now what we do is we have our weekly cleaning kind of thing. And we've got to find somebody new and right now it's been kind of hard to find somebody new but but we'll, we'll find somebody sooner or later.
Cheryl Stuller 35:40
How about your relationship with your husband? How do you keep it, your marriage, successful?
Stasha Boyd 35:47
It kind of goes to the same filters. It's like, um, for me, it's like and I kind of wrote these down. It's like, you know, because I had to think about what it was that I consider important. As long as these four things are in the right direction, which helps travel joy and peace. I feel pretty good. I feel successful if I have my goals met in those areas. So for me, joy and peace. I enjoy my husband. He's funny, we laugh together. Um, when we're not having, and that's kind of our, we call it our dipstick. If we go a couple of days and nothing's funny, then we've got to stop what we're doing to figure out what's going on. And to kind of get back to the funny. No long term marriage is you know, 100% happy and joyful every damn day. But we kind of use that as our, our, our guide, I guess, to make sure. Um, so I think that's the main thing for me for a successful marriage. I mean, I know a lot of people who, their definition of a successful marriage is totally different than mine. You know, they they are. I mean, I know people who fight like cats and dogs, and they're completely happy. I'm like, that's just weird, man. I, I would not, I would not be okay with that. But their, but their definition. It's like them having that, that that easy relationship? That's not high on their priority list.
Cheryl Stuller 37:13
Right? Yeah, that wouldn't be fun.
Stasha Boyd 37:16
Yeah. But weirdly, and again, for them it is, you know, and part of it because in some folks like, there's one couple that I know, they are just constantly- but they consider the the, that tension to be exciting, and to be basically evidence that they're own their own free thinkers, and that they're standing up for themselves. And they always come back together. And, and it's, as it's been described, for me, I get it, I understand it. I wouldn't want it for myself, it just wouldn't be for me.
Cheryl Stuller 37:47
No. And you and Mike have a very good- when you tell stories, you know, okay, now you take it, you have a very good give and take with each other You guys are are good examples of how to be in a good marriage and and what that looks like. And you have the saying about, you know, what's going to get us to the rocking chair, which I which I love that because that helps, you know, garner, how do we move forward and be successful in this when right now, we don't like each other?
Stasha Boyd 38:23
Yeah, or we don't- Well, or, or the way we try and phrase it is like, we don't like something about the other person right now.
Cheryl Stuller 38:31
Right now.
Stasha Boyd 38:31
Yeah. Cuz because sometimes that, that thing that's driving you crazy in the moment is the thing that also gets you through everything else. You know, I mean, I'm very fortunate. You know, Mike is, Mike is a very resolute person. If he says something's gonna get done, he's going to do it. I mean, that's just how it is. But it also means he's going to do it, how he wants to do it. I, the people at home can't see me right now. But my eyes are rolling back in my head. And I'm like losing my mind. Because I would like him sometimes to do it the way I want him to do it. And that's just me. So in those moments, it can be very difficult. And I of course, you know, it's not just you know, him and me. But I'm also if y'all haven't been able to tell, I'm very verbose, I talk a lot. I'm very communicative. And every once in a while, I- Mike just doesn't want to talk. And there is no amount of cajoling or pushing that that's going to make that change. So we talked earlier about this in one of our previous previous ones, I've can't remember what it is, about people not changing. And in my case, I have to decide, it's like, okay, that is a truth. He is not- I can sit here and be mad. All I want to, I can be upset. I can be angry, I can be irritated. Or I can just say to myself, well. There you go. That's who he is. What's the point being mad about that? You know?
Cheryl Stuller 39:55
Right, that takes away your joy and peace. So...
Stasha Boyd 40:00
Exactly, that takes away that- and to me, that's the thing that, you know, when you find the things that take away your joy and your pace, you have to kind of let those go. Or, and again, if it's a person, if there is a person, like for example, if if Mike was not Mike, and I know some other husbands that Lord have mercy, we're all grateful I'm not married to them, especially them. But like one of them, he's just, he's just, and I don't want to call him out too much. But you know, this is a person who's just not very competent at the day to day running of life. You know, I mean, he can take out the trash, he can be reminded to do- you can tell him to do something, and he'll go do it. That would destroy my happiness and peace and my joy. If I'm having to spend my entire marriage, telling my partner what he has to do to get through the damn day. That marriage wouldn't last.
Cheryl Stuller 40:56
No, that's not an equal partnership. In my view.
Stasha Boyd 40:59
No.
Cheryl Stuller 41:00
It would not make me happy either.
Stasha Boyd 41:02
Well, I had a girlfriend of mine, and she, um, she got divorced. She was married for 22 years. And I remember when she got divorced, because I knew her husband, and somebody said something to her, it's like, you know, oh, you know, it's so sad. She said, somebody said something about having a failed marriage. She's like, my, no, no, my marriage was not a failure. We had 22 good years, we raised two, you know, successful children, we achieved a certain level of, you know, financial and comfort, success. And when we grew apart, we recognized that and we were able to part as friends. She's like that was- we had a 22 year successful marriage that was just- had run its course.
Cheryl Stuller 41:40
And that's true for a lot of people our age. Don't you find? I've got several friends who are divorcing, and going through that stage of their life. And I don't want to go through that. I, you know, I, I enjoy being with my husband, we have very similar interests. So that really helps.
Stasha Boyd 42:05
I think it does, because I think again, you start talking long term. You know, how many of your friends that you've had for long term relationships that you've had a falling out? You know, you had a moment? You know, and sometimes those friendships rekindle. And sometimes they don't, with a spouse, or a family member, there's a lot more on the line. And so I- I don't think that successful marriages are happy, happy, joy, joy every single day. And I don't think in happy and successful marriages, everybody gets what they want all the time. I think people do, you know, the most- people who are successfully married, have figured out for themselves, how to live with their small disappointments. And they've decided that most of their disappointments are small.
Cheryl Stuller 42:53
Right? You can view it that way. And we're actually learning how to be married as older, you know, older people with grown children, because the focus is not on the children, our business is good. So we, we still work at it very hard, but we don't have to focus on it all the time. We're learning that stage of our marriage and how to be successful with that transition. We're learning how to do that with each other. Now that we have a little bit more time, for each other and to focus on each other.
Stasha Boyd 43:30
Yeah. I think that's the thing too, a lot of people have this image in their mind of how a marriage is supposed to go that it's supposed to start out with this young and carefree. And then you when you're ready, you have the children and then they kind of- that there's this whole timeline. And it's not for everybody. Everybody doesn't get that. Some people get like, my husband and I, we got married later. Some people got married younger, some people have had multiple, everybody is different. And the best way that I've ever heard it put is, you know, the way my husband and I run our business isn't anybody else's fucking business. And if we are happy together, if we are, you know, achieving our individual and coupledom goals, then we are successful. And we do you said, like, enjoying each other. That is one of our couple goals is like, you know, are we having a good time? Is this fun? If it's fun, we're all in. And if it's not fun, we got to figure out why it's not fun. And if we want to keep doing this thing, or if we don't, or if one of us wants to, and the other one does it. So there's always a lot of, I want to say give and- it is kind of give and take, but it's also just communication. It's also just, you know, being ready and willing to like talk about things that you know, are going well and things that aren't going well.
Cheryl Stuller 44:46
Absolutely. And checking in every day with each other is helping us be more successful at this point too, and not letting things go, you know, when it comes up. You need to deal with it right then.
Stasha Boyd 44:58
Yeah.
Cheryl Stuller 44:59
How would you say you are successful as a woman at 54?
Stasha Boyd 45:07
I don't know.
Cheryl Stuller 45:08
Specific to being a woman at this age, how do you feel you are the most successful?
Stasha Boyd 45:19
That's a hard question, Cheryl, you threw that at me. I wasn't prepared for a question like that. Um, I don't, I don't know. Because I rarely think of myself as the identity as a woman. I think I spend so much of my time thinking of myself as as a person. Um, I think I've been that way for a long time. I think I've never I, I, when I was younger, when I was a kid, you know, when we talked about how we were raised. You know, I was told from a very young age that not only was I, you know, going to go get a, get a job and support myself, make sure I can support myself without a husband, but that I was not going to be getting married until I was 30. And I was never supposed to have children. I was told over and over again, that children ruin your life. So, um,
Cheryl Stuller 46:05
Oh, my gosh.
Stasha Boyd 46:06
Yes. Oh, yes. Yes. Yes. So-
Cheryl Stuller 46:09
Who was telling you this?
Stasha Boyd 46:10
Mama.
Cheryl Stuller 46:11
Okay. I'm saying this to my child, that children ruin you.
Stasha Boyd 46:17
Yes, that children ruin your life. And I really internalized that, and you remember Mama, she was- the woman's just not sweet and nurturing, that's just not her bag. You know? Um, she scared the hell out of everybody all the time.
Cheryl Stuller 46:30
How did that affect you at the time to hear that?
Stasha Boyd 46:34
Um, well, again, when you don't know any better if you don't know any different. So it just seems to be the way it is. But you know, like, I can remember being a little kid. And, you know, we were told very clearly, you know, when Mama went back to work, it's like, if something if something happens, you do not call her, you do not call her at work. You, if you call her, you know, there better be blood and it better be yours. You know, there's not going to be any of this, you know, calling Mama. But I think in a way, and I didn't realize that that wasn't, I would say normal until I got much older. And it really, I would say until probably until I really got to know my husband's family, you know, that has these strong, nurturing mother type figures and are very, you know, you can buy a Mother's Day card for my mother in law, you cannot buy a Mother's Day card for my mother.
Cheryl Stuller 47:22
That is very true. Well, it's surprising that you didn't internalize that and turn that into a negative against, well, what am I doing wrong? Why does she feel that way? And I'm her child, you could have easily gone on that road. And you know, you were you were such a strong, confident person in seeing her as well, that you didn't, you didn't do that, which is awesome.
Stasha Boyd 47:49
Well, not until much later. I mean, it was I think it probably it took a while to recognize things. But I think it was, I don't think I was so confident. But I was definitely independent. And I was certainly brash, and I was certainly assertive. You know, so I had all of these wonderful, you know, external qualities of, of capability and toughness, that that worked really well, in my advantage. But actually, no, before Mike and I met and I dated a string of losers. Oh, my God. I mean, it was like, lose. I mean, these were like some serious losers. And, um, I remember the last one before I started going out with Mike. It was two years. This guy was so horrible and so awful. I'm like, That's it. That's it. I am never dating again. Ever, ever, ever. I am swearing off men, they suck. They're awful. And, and that's when I found that book, The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, a friend of mine recommended it. And she actually that same friend really kind of saved my ass in a lot of ways because she came to the house one day, and I was super depressed. I hadn't gotten dressed in like three days. Hadn't showered, anything. And she comes over. And, and she wasn't even like a close, close personal friend. She, she was kind of one of those mother figure types. She was about 10 years, maybe 15 years older than me. She knew these people. And she heard about me being so upset. And she came she drove to my house. And she found me on the back porch. And she's like, here's what we're going to do. You're going to go to therapy. I'm going to call and make you an appointment right now. And I'm going to go. I will drive you there. I will hold your hand. I will sit there with you. But I will never go through this with you again.
Cheryl Stuller 49:31
Wow. Sometimes you need people like that to smack you around a little bit.
Stasha Boyd 49:37
That's what I respond to. Yeah. And that's the thing. That's what I respond to. I don't respond to like, you know, people being too overly delicate with me. I just- I find that irritating. It's not. It's not um assertive enough I guess.
Cheryl Stuller 49:52
It's not how we were raised. Yeah, we don't identify with that at all.
Stasha Boyd 49:56
No. But anyway, so so but I didn't date anybody for a couple years and part of that converse- part of that mind, thought work that I did I hate I hate the phrase thought work, but I really did. I took notes, I had a little notepad and a diary thing I'd write in it. But mainly the thing I had, I asked myself the question, which is one of the that the, the therapist said, He's like, Well, here's the thing. What if you're right? What if it is your destiny that you never get married? That you never meet that person? What What if that's just gonna be how it turns out? How are you going to be okay? And, I mean, that just hit me like a ton of bricks. And so I had to make the decision to to actually say, you know, that's a good question, I need to actually do things, I need to live my own life, I need to make my own money, I need to if I want to go do something, I need to go do it. I can't wait for somebody to ask me out on a date. If I want to drive sports cars, I need to buy them. If I want to do something with my house, I need to do that. I can't wait for my boyfriend to help me. And it was really and so when I did finally start dating again. And that's when I met with when I met Mike, I was ready. I was I was ready to be a partner. And not a um, not I wasn't waiting for them to come and fix anything.
Cheryl Stuller 51:14
You weren't waiting on somebody, you weren't living through somebody else and having to have somebody else in your life to make you you. You were already that. And that that's an important distinction. Because a relationship is not going to it's supposed to add to your life that you already have for yourself. You need to love yourself enough and want to hang out with yourself. And that person that you meet is going to add to that. Because nobody, somebody else cannot make you happy, somebody else cannot make you angry you you choose to do that for yourself. Whatever that emotion is. So it's important, I think, for me, I would say, and I, I have felt like this for a long time. But I've really been acting on it, I guess, is a good way to phrase it. Since I've gotten older. And that is, I feel confident I like myself for who I am and what I do and what I accomplished on my own. And by the way, I have a husband that likes to do those things with me. But if I didn't have that, I would still be okay. I would be sad if I didn't have him. But I would still be okay. And I think that's a success. Because that sets me up for handle your shit, that emotionally stable person, as we head into the second part of our life, if something happens to our partner, we can't completely fall apart and not know how to function.
Stasha Boyd 52:56
Right. Yeah.
Cheryl Stuller 52:58
So we've got to set ourselves up that way to be okay, in the future.
Stasha Boyd 53:02
Well, I think that goes back to the idea of success. It's like having a goal and attaining it, you know, and if your goal in a marriage is to say okay, we need to be mutually supportive, and also mutually bound, but also independent, and you're achieving that, then that's a successful marriage. You know, I want to be bound, I want to I want to have that closeness and that tightness that we have together. I also want to be able to, you know, be independent Stasha. And I also have- Mike also gets to be independent Mike, that's the other thing too, that you know, it's a for us, that's our definition of successful marriage. And for me, it's you know, peace in my home, you know, I don't like stress and strife, and I don't like complaining. I don't like people who sit there and like, whine and bitch and moan about their partner all the fucking time. I'm not good with that. That that does not help my peace.
Cheryl Stuller 53:53
Yeah, I don't like drama either, you know. I don't handle drama well, with emotional people. I mean, I and I will specifically unfriend you if you are bringing that into my life. You know? You can come and talk to me about it. And I will like you said, I'll hold your hand, I'll take you to the therapist. I'll go help you throat punch him, whatever you need to do. But you need to be handling it. I can just be there as your backup. You know, I've got your back. But you better have your own back.
Stasha Boyd 54:30
Yeah, I think I can. I'm fine with you know, when people are upset and they're- something's going on. And they're whining and complaining, on a limited basis. It's like okay, if that's a step on the way to the solving the problem. I get you I'm for it. I can I can understand. But if the whining complaining is the goal, I just have to be able to vent. I just want to talk about this. And it never gets solved. And a lot of that and I said that there are people that I know and these are folks that I love and adore. And they'll start something about that. It's like, Oh, well, let me tell you what my husband did. And I'm like, Okay, let me stop you. If you want my help, I'm here for you. If you want my advice, absolutely. But if I'm just here to listen to some negative wave coming at me, that's not going to help you. It's not going to help me and let's just not do that. You know, and if and again, some people will hear that and respect that. And they'll kind of catch up. Other folks will hear it and go like, okay, she's not that close of a friend. And I'm like, yeah, cuz if that's all I'm getting, we're not that close of a friend.
Cheryl Stuller 55:34
Right, right.
Stasha Boyd 55:36
And then the folks that I have had those conversations with that have gone on to keep have those friendships keep growing and growing. They've been better. I think they're better friendships. They're stronger. Like you said, that's the limit and boundaries. Like I've put that little limit out there. It's not an awful one, it's not unreasonable. But it's a little limit. And they heard me. So I had a question for you. So we do have like the the thing, a lot of people do have that question about success and money, you know, and what does you know, it's like, I've got to have a million dollars. There's like, I'm successful when I have 14 homes and 27 cars and a Corvette and on and on and on. I have one of the things I think I learned a long time ago, I was gonna ask you about this one, too, is for me, there was always like kind of two visions of financial success. And one of them kind of applied when I was younger, and another one applies. Now that I'm older, the first one has always been it's like, as long as I have more money than I'm earning that I'm spending or that I owe. I consider myself financially successful. That was when I was younger. And I didn't have any savings that I was trying to start my life, etc. And as I got older, now that we've done all of those things, we had a goal to achieve. My definition is, you know, more money available than needed. And as long as I have that, I feel financially successful.
Cheryl Stuller 56:57
We didn't do a good job saving early on, we had that same philosophy of money in money out. We did a good job with that. We did not do a good job setting aside money for retirement. So I talked to you about that in finances. So we are doing that now. And we and we will be okay. We've got it set up now to be where we need it to be when we retire. But I and I don't need a lot of things. If there's something I enjoy doing, like riding a motorcycle, I want the ability to go buy a motorcycle and not not have to, if I can't pay for it. If I have to take a loan out for it. Then I'm not going to buy it. I'm going to wait until I can just buy it because I don't I don't like loans. I don't like debt. I like to pay everything off. That's how I feel successful. It feels stressful to me to have a lot of debt out there that you're worried about, like what if something happens with the economy? Or what if something happens with our business? Or what if something happens to Brian, I don't want to have a lot of debt hanging over my head. So I feel successful in that. Not that I have a lot of stuff because I don't, I feel successful in if there's something I want to do, I want to have the ability to pay for it and be able to be in the health and right mind to be able to do that.
Stasha Boyd 58:35
Yeah. And I think that's that is the really, I think the important thing about that is deciding what it is for you. You know, similar to you guys, you know where our thing is, you never finance a toy. It's like just and that just goes back to the finances we talked about but our we have the shared belief and value that you don't finance your toys. If you want a motorcycle, go get your motorcycle and if you look in your, if you open your cigar box, and you want a motorcycle and you've got $20,000 in there well then go buy you $20,000 motorcycle if you want one. But if you look in your cigar box, you got $1,000 Well, you can go buy yourself $1,000 motorcycle.
Cheryl Stuller 59:09
Exactly.That's a good lesson for people because and that brought me- That's why I asked you about do you do you look at other people and go I would like that. Because if you are setting yourself up to look at other people and go well, they have the nice house or they have the boat or they have the this or they have to that and oh they must be happy with all of that that's going to make them happy. If you if that's your goal, then you number one, you're not going to be happy. And you're going to not set yourself up responsibly financially. And you're not going to enjoy what you're doing with those toys. Like you said, I like that phrase. We don't finance our toys. That's a good way to put it.
Stasha Boyd 59:54
Yeah. And and the other thing too is like you know, for for me, it's like it's always been the experience. It's like, it doesn't matter what kind of motorcycle it is, if it's got two wheels and a motor and I can sit on the back with Mike, then that's a perfectly fine motorcycle as long as it carries us where we want to go.
Cheryl Stuller 1:00:11
Oh, it matters what kind of motorcycle it is
Stasha Boyd 1:00:13
for you?
Cheryl Stuller 1:00:14
Oh yeah.
Stasha Boyd 1:00:16
But you like the crotch rockets and we like the, you know, we like more of the touring bikes, so we're more the touring bike folks. But like if we go on a, we went on a, it was like an anniversary one year and you know, we rented the big fat goldwing, you know, had a fantastic trip lovely time, I felt no need to go out and purchase the goldwing after that, because we came back home, we had our motorcycles here, we're fine. And for me, the value of that success is being able to just go see and do. That's all I want. And if I'm going and seeing and doing from the house that I have now, or from you know, a trailer doesn't matter to me, it's like it's the go see, do the house isn't the important part. Because no matter what I live in, it's gonna look great.
Cheryl Stuller 1:01:02
I, yeah, I agree with that. I agree with that.
Stasha Boyd 1:01:05
It's got to be comfortable, it's gonna look great, it's gonna do exactly what I want it to do. And I think that's the, it goes back to that idea of how you define success for yourself. Now, there are some people who could not say that. And they don't need to say that for them, that would not be considered success. Having a certain house in a certain location, maybe it might be like they, they want their kids to go to a special school or something. So for them, that house in that location matters. And they've set it as a goal. And they've achieved that goal. Awesome. Good for you. I know I'm not gonna look down on somebody else's success. But if somebody else has decided, well, you need to live in this neighborhood. You have to drive this house, this special car, you got it. If somebody else is setting your goals for you, and you're just never quite meeting them, then you're never going to be successful.
Cheryl Stuller 1:01:54
No, and you're not going to be happy. You're not going to be happy either. If you're always chasing it.
Stasha Boyd 1:01:59
Yeah, absolutely. Well, girl, we are getting so close to the end here. So let me ask you this one. If everybody walks away, and they take one thing away from our conversation about success, what would you want that to be?
Cheryl Stuller 1:02:11
Success doesn't have to be this grand thing. Success can be, like I said earlier, I did five miles on the treadmill today, I feel good about that success. Or I chose not to, um, I don't know, do something that's not healthy for me today that can be a success, or-
Stasha Boyd 1:02:34
Like, here we go, we got our mocktails today, cause we decided we weren't gonna have a cocktail.
Cheryl Stuller 1:02:37
Right. I chose not to have a confrontation with that person that can be a success. Or it can be something grand where you know, you you have achieved a goal that you have set out for yourself. And it's you graduated from college or something like that, it can be big. And it can also be those small things that you need to pat yourself on the back for every single day. Sometimes it's I got out of bed today when I didn't want to, or I got up at 5:30am and worked out when I didn't want to. That's a success. Own it, love it, accept it, pat yourself on the back for it.
Stasha Boyd 1:03:18
Yeah. To me, it's like, you know, being able to achieve more get more things right than you get wrong, you know, to move forward towards your goals, whether you're like you said, it's like I got up today, I went and did my workout today, I set a goal for myself and I'm I moved another inch towards that goal today. If it's a bigger goal, man, when you pay off that mortgage, go celebrate, you know, go out and do the big thing because you did achieve the big thing. And some things take longer than others. And so I think for me, it's like really sitting down if everybody hears nothing else, is that you've got to figure out what it is for you. And then from that point on, once you've got that figured out, you don't have to worry about anybody else's success or lack of success or what they think of you or anything else. All of it becomes about you. That your partners in your life you know, whether it's a husband or a wife or whatever, the two of you become its own unit, then your children, then your family and close friends that you, that are part of that journey with you, then you can can bring that in. But as long as it's until you get your own first. It's really hard until you know what you want to be successful at. It's very hard to feel successful.
Cheryl Stuller 1:04:31
Mm hmm. I agree with that.
Stasha Boyd 1:04:33
Yeah. So here's our question though. Cheryl, and I gotta tell you, I think I messed up because I didn't write I didn't bring my our notepad down where we wrote in our next topics. Do you have it with you?
Cheryl Stuller 1:04:45
I do.
Stasha Boyd 1:04:46
What's our next topic?
Cheryl Stuller 1:04:47
I would like to do fashion next.
Stasha Boyd 1:04:59
We're recording here, man!
Cheryl Stuller 1:05:01
Oh my god.
Stasha Boyd 1:05:01
Oh my god. Fashion it is. I am so excited about this topic, Cheryl. I am so excited. Let's do it.
Cheryl Stuller 1:05:11
Okay, let's do fashion next. How do you look good? And, you know, at 50 plus How do you dress? You know, that's a big deal for our age.
Stasha Boyd 1:05:21
Absolutely. And there's a lot of people out there because I've been, you know, doing the research thing about the 50 plus people. And you know, there's some good fashion bloggers out there, there's some good fashion Instagram ladies in our in their 50s you also find fashion people who are plus size and fashion people who are short and all sorts of different stuff. So I think it's gonna be a really good topic.
Cheryl Stuller 1:05:42
It will be.
Stasha Boyd 1:05:43
I love it. Okay.
Cheryl Stuller 1:05:45
Well hopefully I'll have an update on my person that had a bad day on the you know, spousal abuse thing.
Stasha Boyd 1:05:55
Yeah, bless her heart. And that's, that is one of those things that you know, there are there are so many people in this world who have it so much worse than we do. You know, Yeah, there is. That is an important thing to that, you know, when it comes to success, and success in life. It's easy sometimes to get caught up in your own little challenges. And then you encounter somebody who's, they've got a big one.
Cheryl Stuller 1:06:24
Her success that day was a she survived and that a guy was driving by on the road and picked her up and took her to the hospital because she didn't she didn't have a vehicle so that that's a big huge success. And I'm grateful that that's how that turned out.
Stasha Boyd 1:06:42
Absolutely. All right, so we're gonna go from success to attempted murder to fashion. We got range people we have range. All right, everybody. Thank you again, and we really had a great time. And I hope you guys enjoyed this and we're gonna get out of here. All right.