Stasha Boyd 00:01
Hi there, I'm Stasha.
Cheryl Stuller 00:03
I'm Cheryl.
Stasha Boyd 00:05
And between us we
Cheryl Stuller 00:05
have four kids,
Stasha Boyd 00:06
three businesses,
Cheryl Stuller 00:08
two husbands and one goal:
Stasha Boyd 00:09
To get to The Point of the Matter. Because here's how you know what you value. If something's like insulting your values, you'll find yourself getting real angry, real quick. And so, and so for me, I kind of look for pet peeves, to kind of show me which direction my values are going, because I will get irritated and annoyed pretty quick about it. And if I pay attention, there's something about it. That's kind of running up against my values.
Cheryl Stuller 00:21
I- I'm gonna go with the less, I think about a pet peeve a little bit less stringently than you do. I view a pet peeve as, like I said, just a way to release emotions that you qualify as being annoying. It's as simple and easy and low key as that.
Stasha Boyd 01:07
And we're off! Hello, Cheryl.
Cheryl Stuller 01:11
Hello, Chica. How are you this week?
Stasha Boyd 01:14
I am good. I am good. Overall, this week, it's actually been fairly uneventful. Um, I think really my thing this week was that Mama's been sick. She's been under the weather. And so whenever she's not feeling good, she doesn't like to cook, so she doesn't do much cooking. And then of course, dad, he doesn't cook so much anymore. And so what I ended up doing was just making a whole bunch of food on like Friday night and taking that up there to them. And mainly, it's just so that they won't fight while they're trying to fix dinner because all she does is stand there and correct everything he's doing wrong. Poor man.
Cheryl Stuller 01:48
I'm sorry she's feeling bad. I hope she feels better.
Stasha Boyd 01:51
Yeah, I talked to her this morning. She's feeling better. You know, it's just one of those things. You get, like, hit with something like this that kind of knocks you out. She's been sick for almost 10 days.
Cheryl Stuller 02:00
Wow. What is it? What is it? Do you know?
Stasha Boyd 02:03
Well see, now now there's the question, right, there is the question because, you know, my mom has been vaccinated against COVID. But, of course, she lives up in the middle of non-vaccine land. Um, you know, and when she's first started feeling bad, you know, she had a fever that came and went, she had a cough. She had a sore throat, she had all the things. And but she'd been vaccinated. So I'm like, well, Mama, it's possible that, you know, you know, you probably don't have COVID, you know, but just as a as a thing, it would be a good idea to just go get tested. And you know, Mama, she's like one of the most pragmatic people ever, and she just resisted and resisted and resisted, she just wouldn't do it. Just would not go get tested. So I took the food up to her, I'm like, Oh my God, you're gonna have to stay out on the porch. You've got to stay over there. And her thing is like, Well, I'm not even sick anymore. So I don't know why you're all upset. And I'm like, well, because I asked you to do one simple thing and you decided not to do it. That's why. I love you so much. That's why I'm here. But you know, because she went to the doctor. And she told me that the doctors, she went to two doctors, and both of them apparently told her No, nope, nope. No need to get tested.
Cheryl Stuller 03:10
Okay, so she's justified and you're wrong, Stasha.
Stasha Boyd 03:15
Because I do not know more about medicine than she does. Absolutely not. She's a, she is a retired nurse. And so she does know more about medicine. But I think I kind of know a little bit about, you know, I don't know, getting tested? I don't know.
Cheryl Stuller 03:27
Yes, you have an opinion on that.
Stasha Boyd 03:29
I do. But she is feeling better. And I'm very happy for that. And of course, Dad's stayin healthy. So I'm really happy for that, too so. Hooray. How about you? How's your week?
Cheryl Stuller 03:38
Ah, it's been a good week, my mom is still in rehab and doesn't look like she's gonna get out, that one place on her hip is still giving her trouble. So that's disappointing. Um, so yeah. My other thing is going to lead into our topic today. So Oh, and I do not have a drink today because I have no alcohol at this house apparently. I didn't know that and didn't have time to deal with it. So I am alcohol free tonight.
Stasha Boyd 04:12
Well, I'll go ahead and put what you were going to have in the show notes because it sounded absolutely delicious. It's like yours was going to be an Orange Crush.
Cheryl Stuller 04:21
Well, I had it last night. I had it last night.
Stasha Boyd 04:24
Yeah. Which by the way, that is gonna be our topic this evening. And I'll tell you guys what mine is real quick. Mine is actually called a Ruby Slipper. And it's a grapefruit and vodka, so it's grapefruit juice and vodka with rosemary as the, I went out into the garden just snapped off a little bit of rosemary for the- it is so good. Oh, and um, grapefruit sparkling water. So it's really very light.
Cheryl Stuller 04:45
That sounds very summery.
Stasha Boyd 04:47
It really is. I'm very delighted with it. But I'm so sorry that you don't have your beverage honey.
Cheryl Stuller 04:52
I know I really need it too.
Stasha Boyd 04:56
Which leads into our topic. So what is our topic, Cheryl? Tell the ladies what it's all about.
Cheryl Stuller 05:02
Well, we're naming it Stop Petting My Peeves. Which I love, I have that dish towel. And we're we're gonna be talking about what peeves us. And is it okay to be peeved? And how do you handle it when you do get peeved?
Stasha Boyd 05:17
Right? So you said you're going to have something to lead into this. And I'm also thinking, you know, our, we're having to record this a day later than we wanted to because of yet another peeve. So, go ahead and start with yours and then we'll, we'll bring up the other one.
Cheryl Stuller 05:31
Well, whenever you need to get something done, so this is my first peeve, whenever you need to get something done, you go into the office to do payroll or you try to get on a zoom call and you don't have internet, it does- shit doesn't work. Or it doesn't go the way you plan for it to go. And then we couldn't, we couldn't do our thing, our podcast last night because of that.
Stasha Boyd 05:55
Yeah, that's true. I think that's the question that I would have is like, is that really a peeve? Or is that actually justifiable rage?
Cheryl Stuller 06:07
Well, it just seems like whenever you need things to work, they don't. And whenever you can be casual about it. Oh, it doesn't matter if I do payroll today or if I do it tomorrow, it's fine. But when you have to, you're under the gun, you have to get it done something done by a certain time nothing works, nothing goes your way.
Stasha Boyd 06:26
Well, and I think let's let's get back to like our our standard. Our standard first question is, you know, why is this topic important to women like us, ladies in our 50s? And for me, I think it's important because as we get older, I think two things kind of happen simultaneously. Number one, we get a little bit more set in our ways about things that do and do not bother us and things we will and will not tolerate. And then we also get a little bit more of a don't give a fuck attitude about some things. But then there's this like little thing in the middle, which are, they're not, pet peeves to me are not things that are real rage, I was actually making my notes and I saw that I put some things down there that were like, No, these are things you should be angry about these are like moral things. And then I'm like going okay, so what are pet peeves then? And I looked it up because you know me, I'm gonna look things up. And I came up with, went to the, to the definition. And the definition is something that a particular person finds especially annoying.
Cheryl Stuller 07:20
Correct. I have a lot of pet peeves, actually. I don't know if we have enough time to get through all of mine. So I had to narrow them down.
Stasha Boyd 07:29
Okay, well go ahead and let's, cause that's, that's why it's important to you, it's like talking about pet peeves is important to you because?
Cheryl Stuller 07:37
Well, okay, this leads into one of my pet peeves, I do not tend to gravitate towards happy or sappy people. Meaning, meaning if you're too happy, and everything is glorious, and fine and okay with you, I don't like you. Or I don't identify with you. I like somebody who can get mad, who can be glad who can be mad. I don't like the highly emotional people, especially women. I don't gravitate towards them. But I like people that have a range of emotion within a certain parameter. So if you're any one thing too far, like angry, you're so angry. Or if you're just so happy. It's just so annoying. Because it's not a real representation of life. You're not one thing all the time.
Stasha Boyd 08:35
Right. And I think that might be probably another way of looking at it because and I think for you, it comes out with the people who are happy-happy, joy-joy all the time. Because you're just like, Man that just can't possibly be real, you know, you can't possibly be real. At the same time, there are people who are constantly negative, and you know that that's real. So I'm sure that there are people who are there are people in this world and I've met them and some of them that I know and they are just preternaturally joyful and happy and it's like, okay, I've known you what some of them are, like cousins of mine. I'm like, I've known you my entire life. That is exactly how you are. Um, but I do think those people who are sincere about it are rare. Other people I think who are doing that? It's because they either think they have to be or that they won't be liked there might be an insecurity there or something. Or they might be afraid to be, to really express themselves, whatever it is. But yeah, that particular trait. If it's a one-note Nellie, if everything's either always wonderful or everything's always shitty, then that's probably not a person that I am going to gravitate to, to want to get to know better.
Cheryl Stuller 09:43
Right. And that's why I like pet peeves. I think it gives us an opportunity to step out of that, you know, you have to act a certain way when you're in business. You have to, I have to act a certain way when I'm doing my GAL stuff. I have to act a certain way, sometimes, around my kids. The pet peeve gives you a chance to release slowly let it flower, some of those rage things that you need to come out. And it and it's a reasonable response, you know?
Stasha Boyd 10:18
Yeah, well, and I think that, you know, I taught a class one time, when I was teaching my students about job search skills, you know, and trying to like, understand yourself better. So you would be able to find a job that that suits your personality and everything. And one thing that I always asked the students to do, I said, you know, tell me, what are your top three values. And so what they would do is they would kind of come out and say, like, oh, family values, oh, I value my relationship with the church or whatever it was. And I'm like, okay, but here's the thing. I don't think that's true. I think that's something that you're just kind of like embracing. Because here's how you know what you value. If something's like insulting your values, you'll find yourself getting real angry real quick. And so because, and so for me, I kind of look at pet peeves to kind of show me which direction my values are going, because I will get irritated and annoyed pretty quick about it. And if I pay attention, there's something about it that's kind of running up against my values. And I think that's kind of what it does. And for you, I think one of your real values is that you don't like fake people, you have a real hard time with people, whether it's because they're actively lying to you. Or it's because they're just disingenuous in some way. I don't think, you're very much a what you see is what you get kind of gal.
Cheryl Stuller 11:33
Yes. And I love that about myself. I, like I would hang out with me, if I weren't me. Cheryl do you wanna go do something? Why yes, Cheryl, I would like to do something with you.
Stasha Boyd 11:50
Absolutely. I always feel like, you know, I try not to be mean, I'm not a mean spirited person. But I do want people to kind of, I don't ever want people to feel lost when they're talking to me, like, like you saying that feeling of feeling somebody is disingenuous, you don't really know where you stand with them. Um, that's, that's the way I feel when I'm hanging out with somebody who's just the way their demeanor is, is just really not in line with what's going on, either in their life or the world or whatever's happening. And you're like, Okay, I can't, I can't get, I can't trust this person. Because again, I'm not I'm not very quick sometimes. I believe what people tell me. And so if somebody tells me something, and they're like, Oh, yeah, everything's great. It's wonderful. And then I go about my business and my day going like, Oh, yeah, everything was great and wonderful. I just asked them and that's what they said. And then five days or 10 days later, they're mad at me. I'm like, Well, what? I just, this horrible thing had happened and you don't care. And I'm like, I didn't know. I asked you what was going on? And you said nothing. And I said, Okay. And they're like, well, you you know me, you should know better, and I'm like, Oh, see? You don't know me then. Because I'm really bad at that. I'm really bad at guessing what's wrong with people.
Cheryl Stuller 13:02
Well, we're not mind reader's and I don't like playing those games like that. So that would be a big pet peeve for me and then. Okay, brace yourselves listeners, anything to do with driving. As you know, I have been driving since I have been 11 years old. I drive fast. I drive confidently. I can drive my SUV like a sports car. And I was coming home tonight and I was like, dude, I've got to get there. You're driving below the speed limit. That drives me crazy. You should always be driving five to 10 miles at minimum above the speed limit. If you're a good driver. If you're not a good driver then get off the road and let me get around you. I cannot stand slow drivers. I cannot stand people who stay in the left-hand lane on the interstate and don't get over when you are riding their ass, you know, like I'm here I want to go faster, you're in the left-hand lane, move over.
Stasha Boyd 14:09
That's so funny because like one of my pet peeves are people that come up on me in the left-hand lane when I'm already going over the speed limit and ride my ass and at that point I will do, I will absolutely punishing parent that person. I will like get up next to another car and I will slow down and we will, we will both sit there until I swear to God the earth freezes over there is no way I'm moving. I would have moved. Because I normally, the way I drive is like, you know, and I'm not a, I'm not a crazy driver but I do drive confidently and quickly but I'm, I'm not one that says, you know, that you have to go over the speed limit. Somebody's going, going the speed limit and it's a three lane road, either far right lane probably, because that's the speed limit, a little bit faster. You know, go with the flow of traffic, use that that left lane for passing and then get out of the way. That's my standard. But I do, I mean it's like, and that is one of the things that will drive me nuts. I will, Oh my god, no, I will- Oh, and blow your horn at me if I'm at a stop sign? You and I will now have to sit at that stoplight until, you know, the cows until the cows come home. Nope. Not gonna happen.
Cheryl Stuller 15:15
You're describing two of the things that I would do to people, if you're not right. If you're not paying attention. You're on your freakin phone or something and you don't go when that light turns green, like I am on it. That light turns green, I'm gone. You're not doing that and I'm behind you, I'm immediately going to be on my horn. Yeah.
Stasha Boyd 15:36
But, and here's the thing that's so funny about that. I would win. You would be sitting back there mad as hell, and I'd be up here just playing on my phone. Oh, shit, man, I want to take this call. You're like, your hair's turning green.
Cheryl Stuller 15:50
I know! Smoke is coming out my head.
Stasha Boyd 15:56
Now the next time that happens to you, you just have to say it's like, okay, Stasha, move your ass please. I know this person now. I know who we're dealing with now. But no, but I think that is true though. It's like I, for me, it's like the people that, my pet peeve is folks that that it doesn't occur to somebody that anybody else has anything going on. That drives me nuts. It's like, you know, I call it situational awareness. It's like when you go to Walmart or you go to Target or one of the places where there's a lot of people in the store and or Publix or wherever, and they just take that, that little buggy, and they're just toddling down the middle of the aisle.
Cheryl Stuller 16:34
Strolling, they're strolling,
Stasha Boyd 16:36
Or they'll stop with their cart right in the middle where nobody else can get around and you're like, honeys, a little, a little, you know, situational awareness here. This is a, we all have to- we all are trying to grocery shop today. We all have things to do today. So that's what drives me crazy, is that if you are out in the world, acting like, acting as if the entire world is your own. I'm like, No.
Cheryl Stuller 17:03
Yeah, I have, I'll rage. I drive, I shop the way I drive. You know, it's like, come on people. You know, it's a grocery store. You know what you buy, you know where things are, you should be fucking going along as if you need to be somewhere and moving and moving. If you are strolling, I'm gonna, I'm gonna do the same thing I do in a car, I'm going to go around you, and then I'm going to give you a look.
Stasha Boyd 17:32
As long as, I don't give a, it's like if they've made room for me to go around, I don't care. It's like that's being aware. You know, it's when they're just not aware. And you have to go, Excuse me. Um, but yeah and I don't, for and for me, I don't know if it's, do I get, I don't get mad about that. Oh, god, I'll tell you this, though. What we have here in our little fabulous town is, you know, we get a lot of visitors that come to our town. And the folks who like go all the way across the sidewalk, like a group of four people.
Cheryl Stuller 18:00
Yeah, blocking it. I'll rage. Same thing.
Stasha Boyd 18:04
Yeah. Again, situational awareness. It may be I, because I'm your Huckleberry. I'm the one that says it's like, Okay, well, these, maybe these people are older. Maybe somebody has a hip replacement. Maybe they're just wanting to enjoy the day, but at the same time, you can't let you enjoying the day ruin everybody else's day.
Cheryl Stuller 18:23
Exactly. Yeah. People who turn slowly. Okay. Yeah, yeah, they they slow down and creep into the turn. Oh, my God, my car's turning ever so slowly and gently. No. You know where the turn is. You know what your car is capable of doing. Freaking turn, again, like you got to be somewhere. Oh, and people who, you know how you have a four lane road and then you have the road, the lane down the middle? Because you're going to turn right or left?
Stasha Boyd 19:01
Yeah.
Cheryl Stuller 19:01
Okay. Again, you know where you're turning. People that stop in the left-hand lane, slow down to almost to stop and then get over. You have a whole lane. Get into that lane and then slow down to turn. Oh, that drives me crazy too.
Stasha Boyd 19:22
Oh, well today. I was like, the, and Yeah, I agree with that. It's like, you know, you have to kind of like follow the rules of the road. But, no I was driving today, I was heading up to Publix and I was going up on Main Street, which is a little two lane road in town. So it's and I live in a little tiny cute town. So it's not a big city. It's a little cute place. But there was this car in front of me and I kind of pulled up on them. And I could see that they looked like they were looking for their turn. And I'm like, into a into a parking lot or something. Well, they slowed down and then they stopped. And I'm like, Okay, are they just, are they gonna keep going or do I need to go around or, or what? And so, um, but then they start moving agaain, I'm like, okay, so they still haven't found the street yet. Well, then they started to slow down again and kind of pull off to the side. I'm like, Okay, there we go. They see I'm here. They're going to let me go around. So I start to pull up to go around this person. And suddenly, their backup lights are on as I'm starting to pass their back bumper. Backing up in the middle of the street.
Cheryl Stuller 20:22
Oh, my God.
Stasha Boyd 20:23
And I'm like, so and that is when I did lay on the horn.
Cheryl Stuller 20:26
Okay, yeah, please.
Stasha Boyd 20:27
I did lay on the horn on that one. Yeah. No, I don't get mad though. I will tell you this. I don't, I don't feel a sense, if I lay on the horn I don't feel a sense of rage.
Cheryl Stuller 20:35
No, I don't let it get to the rage stage. But I am highly, highly annoyed. And I'm going to let you hear about that. Whether it's visually. Or a honk of a horn. Whatever that is. I'm just gonna, just release that little bit of pressure that's building up. And then I'm gonna, I'm gonna move on. I don't let it ruin my life. All right, well. What about people who litter. I can't stand people who litter whether you're walking down the sidewalk, whether you're driving in your car, I don't care, throw your shit away where it's supposed to be.
Stasha Boyd 21:14
Well, and to me, that's a conscious choice. It's like, you know, I have nothing for those folks. It's like you're, you're making a conscious decision. I can give somebody the benefit of the doubt. If, you know, sometimes you don't see somebody that's happened to me. Sometimes you're not you're you're trying to find something you're a little unsure. I get that. But there is no way you accidentally threw trash out the window of your car.
Cheryl Stuller 21:34
No, exactly.
Stasha Boyd 21:36
No, or a cigarette butt or anything else. And it's like, Look, hon, you know you smoke, you know, and I get it, I understand. But you have an ashtray in the car that you can clean out. Or you got you can carry a little ashtray with you whatever you want to do. But don't be throwing cigarette butts out the door, especially you know, when you live in a place like, like where we were I live. I'm in Florida. And in the winter, it's dang dry up in here. And you can light a fire in a matter of seconds.
Cheryl Stuller 22:04
People don't think that cigarette butts are littering and they are. You should not be throwing your cigarette butt down on the ground. I see that all the time.
Stasha Boyd 22:13
And kind of going back to that thing I was talking about, it being related to values. Well, first of all, you know, you are an incredibly neat person. So that's, that's number one. That really kind of goes against your values if somebody just can't even pick up after themselves. Is that right?
Cheryl Stuller 22:26
Correct.
Stasha Boyd 22:27
And then the other one, I think, for me is that it's making a common area ugly. It's like, you know, would you throw your cigarette on the floor of your own house? You know, is your own drive-way, now and here's the thing. Some people would. I know that some people would. And they're like, Yeah, I would and they throw it out, you know, they're like what are you gonna do? I'm like, Okay, well, probably nothing about the cigarette. But I have seen those videos on Facebook and stuff where somebody like throws litter out of a door. And like the guy on the motorcycle, he grabs it, he goes, he throws it back in the car window. I love those videos.
Cheryl Stuller 23:03
Oh, I've got a story about that.
Stasha Boyd 23:05
What? Of course you do.
Cheryl Stuller 23:06
Well, when Brian and I first got married, he's not a huge communicator. So if he got mad, he would be physical. Never with me, but with other guys or whatever. So somebody threw one of the like McDonald's bags, we were, we were at a stoplight, they threw the McDonald's bag out of their window, and then their full cup of drink, their coke or whatever. So I was like, Oh my god, did you see what he just did? He goes, Yes, he puts it in park. He goes to the guy, they're ahead of us. He goes to the guy's window picks up, both of it, throws it in there throws it across his thing. Well, that guy, we ended up pulling over and they got into a tussle. But-
Stasha Boyd 23:58
That's the thing. If you would have done that now you would have had your camera out. And you could have posted that on, you know, YouTube and you would have gotten like a million hits.
Cheryl Stuller 24:05
And now you can't do that. Because you don't know if some mofo has a gun, you know? This was back in the 80s You can't do that now.
Stasha Boyd 24:14
Well, and here's the thing, it's like, you know, in a, in a better world, nobody would have to do that.
Cheryl Stuller 24:19
Right. Right.
Stasha Boyd 24:19
And I don't and again, I always look at it, like, what is the thing that's worse, you know, getting into a tiff, or a thing over someone or something getting hurt. Like I said, I've gotten out of my car and gotten into people's faces, if I've seen them abuse a dog, or hurt, or you know, snatch their kid up or something, you know, I mean, I'll definitely do that. I won't get into a fight over, I mean, I'll get annoyed, but I won't get into a TIFF over it. You know, and I think and I think for me, again, it goes back to that whole idea of, you know, the world that I want to live in, mainly being my internal world. I don't like being mad. I don't like that feeling. So, it's got to be something that's like, it's like it's up and down. It makes makes a real quick impression. And then it goes away. One of the ones like speaking of stores and grocery stores like the and this is probably one that bothers me but doesn't bother a lot of other people. People who whine about the self serve kiosks in grocery stores, and then they turn to the person it's like, yeah, you could use our self-serve aisle, the person working at Publix says if you're in a hurry, like, No, I can't I don't work here. I'm like, Okay A, let's go back to values. You're you're being an asshole to somebody making, you know, $10 an hour. That's a problem. Number two, when you get on the elevator, do you push the button for the floor? Because that used to be somebody's job. They used to hire people to push the buttons when you get onto an elevator. You do that now. When you go to fill up your car? Do you pump your own gas? Except for if you're in Oregon, or you know New Jersey, they have laws, but anywhere else do you pump your own gas? Because that used to be somebody's job. But you do that without bitching at people. Why can't you just go to the grocery store, and if you want to go through the line that's got a person, stand in line and shut the fuck up. But if you want to sit there and go through the self-serve aisle, just do so and don't say nothing. Just, times are changing.
Cheryl Stuller 26:14
Yes. And what about people who, this drives me crazy, too. You have the physical ability to walk through the grocery store with your cart. And yet, when you get out to your car, you can't take a second and put it back in the shopping cart corral. You're too tired or whatever, at that point. But you just walked through Costco. You can't put your cart away? Uh uh. I can't stand people that do that. That's another pet peeve.
Stasha Boyd 26:47
The only ones that I give, that I give a pass on that is if it is absolutely pouring rain. If it's pouring rain, I'm sorry. I'm gonna put that cart away as close as I can. And again, if it's thundering and lightning, I will absolutely do anything I can to get in that car. Um, but if it's like a normal day, yeah, man, put the, put your cart away. It's like, well what if my ice-cream melts? It's like it's not gonna melt in the amount of time it takes you to get to the to the thing to put the cart back. And because-
Cheryl Stuller 27:15
It's about being respectful to other people, it's the same thing with the littering. Now the driving thing, that's a me thing. But the littering and putting your shopping cart away. You're, you're being respectful of other people. You know, you're not just thinking about yourself. It was the same thing with the whole mask thing. You know, people bitching about putting on a mask. Stop bitchin' about it, and be respectful of other people.
Stasha Boyd 27:42
Or like I said, I didn't like wearing them either. So I didn't go a lot of places.
Cheryl Stuller 27:47
Yeah, exactly.
Stasha Boyd 27:48
You know, because I don't like, I don't like having things on my face. I can't, and it really did bother me, I found it super annoying. And, and we've talked about this before, whether it was fashion or whether it was, you know, weight or anything like that. I don't like things touching my face, or my upper neck or anything. I just don't care for it at all. And when it's there, I do find myself getting tense and annoyed and nervous, and not nervous, but anxious and irritated. So as a matter of self-awareness, knowing that about me, I don't put myself in those situations. It's nobody else's fault. Well, nurses wear masks all day. And I'm like, yeah, as my mother will tell you, I am not a nurse. There's part of a reason for that. Um, but I think that does kind of go back to the things that set me off when it comes to pet peeves and using them as kind of a self-awareness tool. The things that are for me that it really is a self-awareness about people who are not, they don't take anyone else into account other than themselves. That's where my peeves, and I actually put a couple of things in here like one, oh my god, one of the ones on my list, it's like, it's like two sides of the same coin. The people who lose their shit over somebody who reclines their seat. Oh my god, you should never recline your seat on an airline, that's just so rude. And it's like, the seats were made to recline, the reclining button's there. That's what it was supposed to do. You know, that's, the person bought a seat with that has a reclining button in it. So if they have it, then they should be able to use it. Then the other side is the person who reclines the seat without ever checking behind them. It's like, just take a quick look behind you. And if the person behind you is six foot four and crammed into that seat, then just show a little respect and consideration for the person. Just don't think you have a right to just cram your seat back on their knees.
Cheryl Stuller 29:40
I agree. I had a guy come out this weekend to give me a quote on working on the dock. So here's another pet peeve. And it's mainly men who do this. I haven't had a woman do this to me. So I'm being a little gender biased here, but men who talk down to you as if you don't know anything. And he was really Southern, really old school. And you know, and you see this here has to be like this here, because this here is like this here. And I said, Yeah, I understand how that works. I'm going to stop you right there, I understand the mechanics of how this all needs to work and go together, all I need from you is a price. So you're just looking at the material, sizing it out. And that's all I need from you. I don't need a lecture on what you need to do and how you need to do it, because I already know that information.
Stasha Boyd 30:42
We have the thing here where people will come up or workmen will come up to give us a price on something or like we, you know, we want to close our carport, right now that's kind of the thing that's on our list. And the city had to come out because they were telling me that I couldn't have it a certain way. So they wanted to send their inspectors out, blah, blah, blah. And this happened when we put on the porch. This happens when we do everything. They come out, and if Mike and I are standing there, they'll spend all their time talking to Mike. And I'm the one who drew up the plans. I'm the one who put everything together, I'm the one, and he'll tell them, he'll tell them over and over again. It's like, Look, those are her plans. Talk to her. Yes, we understand that. We've done this work together. But the design concept is her. And invariably that conversation shifts back to Mike. And here's the thing, it's not that, you know, I... it would be unusual in a lot of circumstances because I grew up with a builder father, construction working father. And so I spent a lot of time working in this. I have worked with him my whole life either helping him work on my family's houses, helping him work on my houses, all of those different things. So I have a pretty good working knowledge of it. Mike, of course, it's like he also had that benefit after we got married. He didn't have it before we got married. But you know, from that point forward, you know, now he's working with my dad. And so he's kind of getting that same education as well. But that default view. And it does drive me a bit bonkers, but it also drives me bonkers too on the other side of that when a woman will sit there go Oh, la de la, I have no idea. I don't know. Talk to my husband. And I'm like, Okay, how in any universe is being ignorant, something to be proud of?
Cheryl Stuller 32:27
I totally agree. That's one of those women that I don't respect. That used to happen to me a lot out at the carwash. We owned a carwash. One time I was telling somebody you can't rinse out the bed of your truck, and and be rinsing out all your shit onto the ground. You can't do that. Oh well, bla bla bla bla bla bla bla. And then he saw my husband standing over at the next bay, rinsing out the bay, and he goes, Hey, she just told me I couldn't do this, you know, I what is all this about? Why can't I do that? It's my truck, I can do whatever I want to do, you know. And I looked at Brian and I gave him the look of you better have my back. And he said, to his credit, he said, Whatever she told you, is what you need to do. So, yeah.
Stasha Boyd 33:25
And that part of that, you know, I think we're, I feel very lucky. You know, I do feel like I have a partner on those kinds of things. There are a lot of people who don't. And for that, that, you know, I try to have a lot of sympathy for folks who don't have a partner and it go, it goes both ways. I mean, I know a lot of women who bitch about their husbands constantly. It's like, you know, oh, he doesn't do this right, he doesn't do that right. It's like, well, and you know, and it just drives me crazy. He does, blah, blah, blah. And I find that to be incredibly disheartening, because going back to that whole idea of respect, it's like you're showing so much disrespect for someone that you're supposed to love. Now I get it, you know, everybody's got to vent every once in a while. But, but that can't be your default position that, you know, every time I'm in your presence, because I guess that would probably be another another pet peeve. If I if I know somebody who every time I'm alone with them, they are going to complain about their significant other. And I've mentioned this before, not in a way that is constructive. They're not asking for my advice. They just want me to agree with their assessment that their husband is a dick. And I'm like, oh, or worse that their husband is incompetent. Can't go there with you, man. I just can't.
Cheryl Stuller 34:34
Yeah. Or you're, you have a friend who every time you get together, it's the same story. I am, you know, my wife is this and my wife is that and I'm gonna do this and I'm going to do that and it's the same story. I'm like, No, let's move on. I'm done. I'm done playing that tape over and over again. You need to move on. I'm gonna move on. What about people, what about people who eat and talk at the same time? So, so they're eating, and they're talking, or they're eating with their mouth open, I can't stand that.
Stasha Boyd 35:14
Oh, no, that's, that's eating with too many mouths open and we just can't can't go there. Um, I think when it to me it kind of is, again, it's situational. It's like, I've been where I worked on enough crews on film crews, and whatever, where, you know, you've got 20 minutes to for your break to get over there, grab your sandwich or stuff off your food, off of craft services, and eat and get back to where you're supposed to be. And at the same time, you're trying to answer calls, you're trying to talk to your friends and your co-workers, those kind of rush situations, if it's like that, seriously don't care. Um, but if you go out to like a dining restaurant, or go out to dinner with somebody, and you're still doing that, then again, it's situational awareness. It's like you got to be aware of where you are, you know, and be like, well, I just, this is just my habit. It's like, I just, I just, this is just how I am. And I'm like, but here's the thing. You go to church every Sunday, you don't walk into church with your work jeans on and flip flops, and you know, no shirt on, you know that that's not appropriate. You understand situational areas. But for some reason, it's like this one just hasn't connected for you. So in other words, you don't I think it's because you don't respect the people around you, or you don't respect the place that you've gone. And, again, those are the little things that kind of show somebody how you are and what you think of them. I was. Yeah, I think that's probably a big one. But there was something about that that was on that, that pet Oh, oh, girl. And here's a pet peeve of mine. And I will tell you, I only see groups of women do this. Only groups of women. They talk over each other. Constant. And it's, I was doing a show one time and the entire cast was women and the director was a male. And every night when he's trying to give notes, the the rest of the cast, one would start talking. And then the other one would start talking and they would just cut each other off. And and then they would keep talking and talking over each other. And I don't understand why. And I've seen this happen over and over and over again, in groups of women. Can you explain this one to me?
Cheryl Stuller 37:26
That's why I don't watch The View anymore. Because they would constantly talk over each other and you couldn't understand or listen to the point that was trying to be made. Yeah, I can't stand that either.
Stasha Boyd 37:41
Yeah, I never watched The View because I thought they were insipid. But I can't, I can't, that's my pet peeve with The View. It's like, please. But I think the thing is, I wonder if why that is because like I said, I only see it with women. I don't see it with men. And I wonder if it's because women are always trying to get their word in? Could that be it?
Cheryl Stuller 38:07
I don't, I don't actually understand that. Because I don't do that. So I don't understand not letting somebody finish their thought, so that you know how to respond. I think it's a respect thing, too. I think if you are not listening to somebody's point of view, or what they have to say, and you're only concerned about getting your point of view out, you're being selfish and rude.
Stasha Boyd 38:33
I have a problem sometimes not recognizing the difference between a period and a comma. Mike will be like, Honey, that was a comma, not a period. And I'm like, Oh, I'm so sorry. Because I am, I think fast. I talk a lot. I mean, this is certain again, I have I have to admit that I'm aware of that fact of life about me. But, um, but no, I do think that, but I, I don't start talking and then keep talking. Unless it really is a full blown argument where it's like, okay, now now we're have Okay, now we're having an argument. Once that dynamic comes into it, it's no longer a discussion, you know, have a clue that, okay, we're not having a discussion anymore. We're just fighting now. And that happens to people. I mean, sometimes, you know, and again, you can't be married a long, long time. You can't be in a long, long term friendship, and not have those moments where the discussion ended, the debate really does turn into a verbal fight. It happens. I think, and I actually feel like if it doesn't happen ever, then you know, you're not, you're not, um, you're not being honest with yourself or with them and and falling over the line every once in a while. I mean, nobody again, nobody wants to be mean spirited. Nobody wants to be at the point where you're like having a fight with somebody that you love, and you just go for the jugular or pull out every bullshit thing they ever did. And keep bringing that up over and over again. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about that time when you know, you're trying to get a point across and you feel like you're not being heard, and you just get, you know, more and more and more and more. To me, that's different than being in a normal conversation. People just keep cutting me off.
Cheryl Stuller 40:12
I don't. Yes. And I don't think anybody should have to feel like they should have to act with decorum all the time. It's okay to call somebody out on bad behavior. It's okay to get angry about something, it's okay to be sad about something, it's, you know, it's okay to have this range of emotions, that allows you to be a human being, you're a human being, if you're not having those emotions, then you're checked out of life, and you're not being genuine.
Stasha Boyd 40:45
And as long as within that range, the person is also showing contrition. And they're also you know, showing sorrow or shame, it's like, but it's also like, I get to be angry, I get to be upset, I get to be all the negative things that you have to stand there and take. But when it's time for me to say I'm sorry, when it's time for me to say, I hurt you, and I didn't mean to, but I did. If you can't also show that range of emotion, then you're bullshitting yourself and you're bullshitting the other person.
Cheryl Stuller 41:15
Well, and that goes back to that respecting other people thing, too. You can't be self righteous, and it can't just be all about how you're feeling. The other person has thoughts and feelings too. You get to have your emotion, but you need to also let them have their emotion and have their say in the conversation as well. That give and take.
Stasha Boyd 41:36
Yeah, all right. Go ahead. Oh, no, you I was done. Go ahead.
Cheryl Stuller 41:40
Okay, because I think this is, I don't know if this is a pet peeve, but it's just so weird. I don't know how you're going to feel about this. So do you know that you can take your loved one who has passed away? And basically taxidermy them? Okay, you, there is there is this procedure, I saw this online and I couldn't even believe it. So somebody passes away. And instead of putting them in a coffin, or having them cremated, they taxidermy them, and they put them in a pose or, or a situation that they normally did in life. Like for instance, there was a teenager who died. He was a gamer, so they taxidermied him, had him sitting on a couch with a gaming controller in his hand, sunglasses on, and a bag of Doritos sitting to the right of him. That was the funeral. How does somebody go up and talk about that person and and have real emotion when they're sitting there taxidermied?
Stasha Boyd 43:00
Well, I gotta be honest, I have not heard of this one. And you know that my cousin and my uncle are in the funeral business and have been for since, you know, one of them since the 60s and the other one since the 80s, so.
Cheryl Stuller 43:13
It's mind blowing to me. Mind blowing.
Stasha Boyd 43:16
And that's legal?
Cheryl Stuller 43:18
I guess! I don't even understand how this is a thing, number one, and how you could think in your mind that this would be what this person would have wanted, to be put on display like that.
Stasha Boyd 43:33
Well, okay, hang on, hang on. Now let me, let me think this thing through because you know-
Cheryl Stuller 43:37
Give me the other side. Give me the other side.
Stasha Boyd 43:39
Well, because here's my thought, you know, um, if you're just, they're just laid out in the casket and you have an open casket, what's the difference? Because they try, they put them, they fix their hair, they make sure their face is done, that you pick the clothing that you want them in, they have them holding flowers or whatever and people walk up there, you know, what's the difference between them walking up there seeing him laying in a box than there is seeing him sitting on a couch?
Cheryl Stuller 44:03
I just think the context of putting somebody into, there's a name for that. What do you call it when you, a dia...
Stasha Boyd 44:12
A diorama?
Cheryl Stuller 44:15
Yeah. Yeah, it's like simply putting somebody in a fucking diorama. And then you're, and then you're up. Okay. Imagine that you're up at the podium. And you walk up and you have sorrow. And you want to talk about that person. Over here is little Henry playing his game. Can we all just look at little Henry playing his game?
Stasha Boyd 44:41
I got nothing. And this is one that I, cause I didn't know this existed as a thing. Until like, literally three minutes ago. I don't know if I can have a pet peeve about it just yet. I'm not sure if I'm well enough aware of it. But I will tell you that that is that that actually there is that is getting close to one of my pet peeves, though. Folks that don't honor somebody's wishes in a funeral. If somebody says I want to be cremated, and then they die, and somebody else says, Oh, that's just we just can't do that I just have to have a casket. It's just wrong to not, to not put mama in a, in a $7,000 casket and her, you know, $500 dress we just bought for her, you know, and it's like, and then have strangers come up and gawk at her corpse, to me, that's disrespectful. Or vice versa. If the person says they want a big shindig, and somebody says, it's like, No, no, no, we're just gonna have a family only or we're not gonna do anything. It's like, I find those things disrespectful if you are, if you know the wishes of the deceased, and you don't honor them. But no, this this is something that I had never.... Yeah.
Cheryl Stuller 45:44
You're gonna have to look it up. I don't know what you call it. I don't remember what you call it. I was just so shocked by it.
Stasha Boyd 45:51
Taxidermy, tableau, diorama? Yeah. Oh my gosh. Oh, my gosh.
Cheryl Stuller 45:59
Papa John, in a boat with a fishing pole.
Stasha Boyd 46:02
So, yeah, when Granddaddy died, you know, we we brought his, um, they drove his lawnmower with his little trailer that he had on the back and they drove that right up there into the center of the lobby of the funeral home and just parked it right there. You know, so everybody could, because that's how he was known, he drove that lawnmower everywhere, you know, with his little trailer on the back.
Cheryl Stuller 46:24
But did they prop him up on the lawn mower?
Stasha Boyd 46:27
No, we just went for a picture. We just had a picture of him on the lawn mower.
Cheryl Stuller 46:30
Okay. Thank you.
Stasha Boyd 46:32
He was in the casket. You know, casket lid closed, closed. None of this open casket. Crazy. Not for him. Granny wanted an open casket, but, you know. Yeah. But Ganny did not, Ganny did not want an open casket and they, um, they just they changed that on her.
Cheryl Stuller 46:50
I don't want an open casket. I don't want anybody seeing me all filled with chemicals and stuff. It's not a natural look either.
Stasha Boyd 46:57
Hell, they see me filled with chemicals now, I don't know what's the difference.
Cheryl Stuller 47:02
I wish I had some of those chemicals tonight.
Stasha Boyd 47:05
That's true. That is true. I'm so sorry about like, what happened to the alcohol. There's a pet peeve. Why isn't there any alcohol in your house?
Cheryl Stuller 47:12
There is alcohol, but it's not what I drink. So I didn't, I just didn't have time to go to the store and do what I needed to do today. It was putting out fires all day, so.
Stasha Boyd 47:22
I know the feeling. Not lately so much. But I do know the feeling from time to time
Cheryl Stuller 47:27
You do, you know the feeling.
Stasha Boyd 47:29
But we have, we're probably getting close to our hour here. So what do we have else on our pet peeves? I think the thing is, if somebody was going to take away something from me on pet peeves, I would say it's like if something's causing true rage. There's something real going on, you know, if you're getting mad and staying mad, that's, that's a warning light, there's something real happening. But if it's just something that annoys you, and then like, five minutes later, it's like it didn't happen, then that's a pet peeve. And I think that's probably the main thing for me it's like, if somebody is somebody is unable to just let it go, then that's no longer a pet peeve that's either a, you need some therapy or you know, get some you need to assess yourself. I do think that there are true things in this world that are worthy of our rage, and we should be outraged about. Um, like I said, you know, if you see somebody being hurt on the side of the road, if you see something where people are actually being put in danger or being harmed, that's, that's a thing to be truly angry about. And that should be something that you'd want to get upset about. But for pet peeves, I think they say something about who we are and who we want to be. That is important to pay attention to.
Cheryl Stuller 48:39
I am going to go with the less, I think about a pet peeve a little bit less stringently than you do. I view a pet peeve as, like I said, just a way to release emotions that you qualify as being annoying. It's as simple and easy and low key as that. Now it may take me 30 minutes versus five minutes, but I still let it go. And I don't let it enrage me. I'm just annoyed. You know, I'm like, Oh, my God, turn the corner. I'm talking to myself to them. So they can hear me. I'll do stuff like that. And then it's then it's gone. But I'm slightly annoyed for 30 minutes, you know?
Stasha Boyd 49:26
Yeah. And I think that's probably a good way of looking at it too, because I think one of the things that happens to a lot of us is that we look at everything as some kind of like major commentary on our life as if it's something horrible that you're just like, no, if you're just getting a little mad about something, it's like no, that's fine. Everybody gets to be mad. Everybody gets to be annoyed. You also get to be joyful and happy when you want to too, and nobody can tell you that you shouldn't be happy about something if it's crazy, you know, like for me I mean I love this like like the people and their pets and their dogs. I like love looking at little like pet pictures on Facebook. That makes me very happy. I love that shit. Speaking of that, did you see the one that I put on today on Facebook about April, the cat?
Cheryl Stuller 50:04
I have not had time to do anything like that.
Stasha Boyd 50:07
Okay, ladies and gentlemen, Ladies, ladies, we have three cats, all of them are just very, very cute. But one of them, one of our little rescue cats, she does a super weird thing. Not only does she like to get on your bed and she, to sleep, she'll crawl underneath the, the comforter or the thing to the little cover thing. But then she doesn't just curl up there and go to sleep. She rolls over on her back and falls dead asleep with all four paws up in the air. And she's, you just see these paws. And sometimes she'll have her legs straight up. And it's like it's just the cutest thing. So those kind of pictures make me happy and make me laugh so. And for other people, cat pictures are their pet peeve. Like oh my god, why are people posting all these cat pictures? Oh my god.
Cheryl Stuller 50:55
Well exercise your emotional range and allow yourself to have pet peeves and be annoyed with people or situations. It's totally fine to do that. And often fun and funny to do that.
Stasha Boyd 51:07
Yes. Here's the thing. And I gotta tell you, this is probably one of the biggest things.Mike always says that I'm at my funniest when I am just slightly annoyed. Just not at him.
Cheryl Stuller 51:16
Yeah. I would. Yeah, I would agree with that.
Stasha Boyd 51:20
And that is true. I am I am at my funniest when I am slightly annoyed. What I am currently looking for, Cheryl, is our list of next topics. What are we talking about next week?
Cheryl Stuller 51:32
Well, I decided these last two. So it's your turn. What are we going to talk about?
Stasha Boyd 51:38
Um, let's look at our list here. I think there's some really good ones.
Cheryl Stuller 51:42
And by the way, while you're looking for that... warrior queens, I can never say that freakin word. Warrior. It's like rural. Okay, that's another pet peeve when it's hard to say words when you haven't been drinking.
Stasha Boyd 51:58
Yeah, drawer is another one, by the way.
Cheryl Stuller 52:00
Drawer, rural. Oh, um, what was I gonna say? Huh?
Stasha Boyd 52:14
You haven't been drinking, I don't understand.
Cheryl Stuller 52:16
I haven't even been drinking. I haven't had time. Okay. Oh, my God. Yes. I totally lost my train of thought.
Stasha Boyd 52:24
I'm sorry. Well, I'll tell you what, I'm gonna pick our next one. And we had put on there politics, but I don't want to do politics last week. I want to do grit.
Cheryl Stuller 52:33
Grit.
Stasha Boyd 52:34
Grit. You know, that idea of just being able to, like, gut it out and get something done even when you don't want to. I think that's an important, important thing, especially like, again, for a lot of women our age, you know, either you've been gritty your whole life. And it's like, you're kind of tired, or you need, you want to start something new, and you're gonna have to like dig deep to get it done. I think that's probably one of the most important qualities that I think I have it I think you have it. A lot of the people that I know and love and respect have it. They can get in there and they can just get shit done. They don't give up easily. And when they do, yeah, yeah.
Cheryl Stuller 53:11
Or Tammy that you have there with you. Is such a gritty, powerhouse woman.
Stasha Boyd 53:16
Exactly. It's like, you know, of course I'm over here running my mouth while she's trying to study for the bar. But she's got, she's got her headphones on. She can't hear us. She's, she's in there doing her thing. Um, but no, it's like, and it's one of the saddest things I see right now in a lot of young people, or younger people, is that they seem fragile, and they fall apart so, so quickly. So I want to talk about grit. I want to talk about, you know, what it is? How did, how did we get it? How can women our age, if they don't have it, get it? And if you have it in spades, what can you do for, do with it moving forward?
Cheryl Stuller 53:51
I think that's going to be a great one. Okay, I remember what I was going to say, if our Queen's could go and comment under this episode of Petting our Peeves. Tell us what peeves you and we'll have your back on that.
Stasha Boyd 54:05
Absolutely. Absolutely. And whether it's on the Facebook or whether it's, the Facebook, she just told me to say the Facebook. Oh my god.
Cheryl Stuller 54:11
The Facebook or the Instagram
Stasha Boyd 54:14
The Facebook or the Insta? Or you know on the on the the podcast, where ever you get your podcast, so we would really love to hear from you. And we appreciate because we are friends tell us stuff important. But those are the folks who were just telling us in person. So we want to hear more from from the folks who are listening, and we would really appreciate you appreciate that very much. And it'd be a lot of fun.
Cheryl Stuller 54:35
And tell us the topic that you want us to talk about as well.
Stasha Boyd 54:39
Yeah, what matters to you? Because I'm pretty sure if it matters to you. It's gonna matter to us.
Cheryl Stuller 54:44
Absolutely, it will.
Stasha Boyd 54:46
All right, everybody. Were calling it a night.
Cheryl Stuller 54:49
Bye, everybody. Have a good week.
Stasha Boyd 54:54
Thanks for listening and we hope you enjoyed this episode of The Point of the Matter. You can find more information as well as links to our cocktail and mocktail recipes in the show notes. And if you liked what you heard, please subscribe to our podcast and leave us a five star rating and a great comment. Your love is how we move up in the rankings. And then head over to Facebook or Instagram and ask a question or leave a comment. We get our ideas for what to talk about directly from our friends and followers. We truly appreciate your support and are grateful to every single one of you from the bottom of our hearts. Cheers.