Food: Everybody's gotta eat, right?

Saying food is a big part of life is like saying air is a big part of breathing. Socializing, family life, celebrating, satiating! And once again, our approach to all things food couldn’t be more different. Dinner party for eight (Stasha) or reservations at 8:00pm (Cheryl)? The joy of cooking (Stasha) or the kitchen is closed (Cheryl)? Food for health (Cheryl) or food for life (Stasha)? Either way, we agree everything goes better with a cocktail. So, kick back and relax. We’re diving deep into dining.   


Cheryl’s Cosmopolitan

 ·         1 1/2 oz Vodka

·         ½ oz Cranberry juice

·         ¾ oz Lime

·         ¾ oz Cointreau L'unique

Combine all ingredients in shaker tin.

Add ice.

Shake vigorously, until tin is frosted over.

Strain into chilled cocktail glass

Garnish with lime twist and enjoy.

 https://vinepair.com/cocktail-recipe/cosmopolitan/

 Stasha’s Lemon Drop

 ·         1 ½ oz vodka (I prefer Tito’s Handmade or Ocean)

·         ¼ oz Triple Sec (or limoncello if you have it)  

·         ¾ oz lemon juice (Preferably fresh squeezed)

·         1 thin lemon slice or lemon peel for garnish

·         Optional: Sugar for the rim of the glass

 Add all ingredients to a shaker filled with ice.

Shake and strain into a martini glass (some people put sugar on the rim, I do not). 

If you used fresh lemon juice, then just use a bit of lemon peel for the garnish.

If you used bottled lemon juice, then squeeze the lemon slice into the drink and use for garnish.

 https://www.titosvodka.com/recipes/vodka-drinks/titos-lemon-drop/

Resources mentioned in this episode:

Intuitive Eating by Evelyn Tribole, M.s., R.D. and Elyse Resch, M.S., R.D., F.A.D.A., C.E.D.R.D.
An excellent book on anti-dieting and just learning to enjoy eating again.

Corinne Crabtree, Losing 100 pounds with Phit-n-Phat
A truly noBS approach to losing weight without losing your mind. Also has a great free podcast.

Home Chef
Stasha and her husband dig Home Chef. If you've ever wanted to try a food delivery service, check this one out. Or any of the other great services out there.  

Transcript

Stasha Boyd  00:01

Hi there, I'm Stasha. 

Cheryl Stuller  00:02

I'm Cheryl.

Stasha Boyd  00:03

And between us

Cheryl Stuller  00:05

we have four kids,

Stasha Boyd  00:06

three businesses,

Cheryl Stuller  00:07

two husbands and one goal,

Stasha Boyd  00:09

to get to The Point of the Matter.

Cheryl Stuller  00:11

I am not going to cook unless I absolutely have to. And we're going to either pick up from the grocery store something that's already pre-made, or a restaurant, or we're going to go out to eat. That's where I'm at in life right now.

Stasha Boyd  00:31

In a weird way, you become like you say, I hear you say, you know, I never had to deal with thoughts about food. And I'm like, What? What's- what the fuck is that? How do you, I can't even comprehend such a thing. Cheryl... 

Cheryl Stuller  00:51

Yay, Stasha. 

Stasha Boyd  00:54

So here we are, we're getting ready to kick off another great episode. I'm looking forward to this one, you know that I am looking forward to this one. But before we do, tell us about your week, what's the highlight? 

Cheryl Stuller  01:05

And I'm not looking forward to this one. Not one of my favorite subjects, however, we will delve into it. Um, this week has been really busy. I was telling you earlier that we were honored today to receive an award from Safelight, which Safelight here... it used to be called Mainstay. And I wish they had kept that name. I don't know why they changed it. Because then you Google Safelight and the window, the windshield people come up. But it's our local domestic violence shelter and Education Center. And I volunteered for them for 15 years before I went to guardian ad litem. And, and then we've donated some money, and we've done different things to help them out. And so they honored us today with the Humanitarian of the Year Award, which was really a surprise. And we, we took our whole staff to the luncheon. And I really appreciated that the men in our group got to hear some of the stories that some of the victims were telling. And were able to hear what the industry, what the, you know, what Safelight does to help out.

Stasha Boyd  02:21

That is absolutely fantastic. Hang on, hang on one second. Mike, can you do something about this cat, I'm sorry. We, I've got, I've got a cat over here who is kind of making his, his wishes known. But that is absolutely awesome. So you have this whole, so you've been volunteering with them for a very long time. And the- you said it was completely a surprise, you didn't even know you were nominated?

Cheryl Stuller  02:45

No, she said, the director just called me and said, Hey, we have two tables that we're reserving for you bring as many as 14 people. And I said that's perfect, because there's 14 people on our staff. I will bring all of them. And she goes, we're gonna have a program attached to the luncheon and everything. So yeah, it was a surprise. It was really nice. 

Stasha Boyd  03:11

Yeah, there was a very short period of time, back when we first started our business that I was doing some, some work and some assistance with our local domestic violence shelter. And one of the things in the area that I was at, was their, their safe house. And one of the things you do right away is they, it's like you are sworn to secrecy. You can never tell anyone where it is. And you know, all these years, 15 years later, I have never told a soul where I used to go and sort the mail and put the checks together and do all the proofreading and work. But it's a, it's such an important thing. And congrats to you. Good for you.

Cheryl Stuller  03:46

Thank you. So I hear that you almost got eaten by an alligator. Tell us about that Stasha.

Stasha Boyd  03:53

I did. So, Sunday. Well, so what's, what's your drink today, real quick. 

Cheryl Stuller  04:00

Oh, Cosmopolitan, and I love it. It's the first time I've ever had one.

Stasha Boyd  04:04

Aren't they great? One of my faves. Mine real quickly. I decided to like mix it up. And I went for a Lemon Drop. So I'm doing the Lemon Drop with some of my favorite Tito's and it's just delicious.

Cheryl Stuller  04:14

They have that at our local Japanese restaurant. That's one of their specialty drinks. And I've had it there and it's really good. 

Stasha Boyd  04:20

Very tasty. So for me, yes. Alligators. So one of my friends decided- she and I like to go out take some kayaks out. She has a couple and a spare that I like to use. And so we went out up to Alexander Springs to go kayaking. And we had a great trip. Great. It was, the weather was perfect. It wasn't crowded and we got there early. So there was almost nobody else on the river. And we were out about two hours and in the last 15 minutes, you know, we had seen otters we had seen all sorts of fish, birds, eagles, etc. But we hadn't really seen any alligators. Every once in a while somebody would say Oh, we just saw a baby one right up ahead. You know, but we weren't, we weren't seeing any so you know, okay. I'd kind of given up, wasn't gonna see one. Well as we kayak every once in a while, I would just kind of stop and turn sideways and wait for my friend to catch up because I kayak a little bit faster than she does. She's, she likes to be a little more leisurely I like to like, you know, really pull. So we're almost at the end, I just kind of turned the kayak and just kind of sat in the water you know, waiting with the current, which wasn't very strong, and the kayak's drifting a little bit. And all of a sudden I look forward as my kayak is drifting forward towards some lily pads. And like five feet away is the snout of an alligator that is at least a foot from his eyes to the tip of his nose. So you know, that's a big ass Gator. I am sitting there going, Okay, girl, do not flip him out, do not freak out. Be cool, be cool, but you've got to back up. So the moment I put that paddle, that oar into the water and start kind of like pushing myself backwards. He did that alligator snap thing where they flip their tail around, like, like a lizard that's trying to get away and almost swapped my kayak. Covered me with river muck. Unfortunately we did not get a picture of that. Um, but then he just kind of disappeared. He or she, I mean, it's, it's a little past mating season right now, but it might be nesting season. So if it was, if it was a she I think she would have come after me. That's why I think it was a guy. But um, but yeah, that was so- I mean, I was I was a little shaken. I will tell you I've- I haven't been that close to an alligator not at an alligator farm in a long time. 

Cheryl Stuller  06:32

Oh, my gosh, yeah. I'm glad he wasn't having a bad day.

Stasha Boyd  06:36

Well, he probably went back and told all his little friends, like, this bitch. Oh, my God, she wasn't watching where she was going. If she would have just paid attention, we would've all had a better day. He probably went off to find a good stiff drink or a Lemon Drop or something. Anyway, that kind of brings us a little- since I was not you know Gator food on this trip. That actually brings us to our topic. And I'm so, I can't believe you're not excited about this. 

Cheryl Stuller  07:02

I'm not excited about this. That we're talking about food.

Stasha Boyd  07:06

Food, glorious food. I love food, come on. Well, here's the thing, like so. So the topic and this is one of the ones that I chose. And I chose it because I think the reason that it is important to our listeners is because food is such an incredible part of our lives, especially as women over 50, women anywhere, part of your life. It's about, you know, you get together, you've got to cook, you've got to shop. Who does that? Is it a social thing? You know, it's- it takes up a tremendous amount of time and energy. So, and it's mixed up with all sorts of social things. So that's why I think it's important to women in our era. Why do you not think so? 

Cheryl Stuller  07:50

Well, I think it- now I would say it is important because I've never really had to think about too much what I eat, although I've always eaten healthy, I do think about it that way. But now I'm having to think about the amount, the time of the night that I eat, you know, how many sweets have I had, how many salty things have I had, I've, I've, since that perimenopause thing has come around, and we've talked about how our body changes through that, I have had to think about it more. So I will give you that.

Stasha Boyd  08:25

Well, and I think that and for me that is that's actually part of it. I think so much of my life. Because of dieting, and you know, watching my weight and everything, I started to think of food as the enemy. You know, it was- and worse, a moral failing. So, you know, Oh my gosh, if I have this piece of cake, I'm bad. There's bad food, there's good food, you know, if you do this, you know, you're a weak person, if you eat something else, if you know, then then you're being strong. And I guess it's like, I think I had to finally give up that kind of thinking. And when I did, and it reopened the world to just being able to look at all of the wonderful things about food and all of the challenging things. Um, it became a whole different experience for me. And it was because of it, I feel like I've been able to return to enjoying all things food now. Like I love preparation, all this kind of stuff. So, to me, that's why it's important is because I want it to be in this place of enjoyment. Health, you know, needs to be healthy too, but also as- but not to be a burden.

Cheryl Stuller  09:38

It's so interesting how we... it's never been a focus of my life. Food has never been a focus. And I and I almost hate saying that, because I know that I'm lucky to not have had to have that as a focus. But you're right. It encompasses a lot of our social events, a lot of our family time together. You know, and I also carry, as I've told you guys, listeners, I grew up on a farm, as did Stasha. Mostly, sorta, your grandpa. Um, we would all four of us, my brother, my mom and my dad and I would work in the hay field all day, they would get to go home and take a shower and sit down and watch TV and relax, we would get to go home, take a shower, and then cook for everybody. And, and as you know, living out in the country, you don't just, Hey, we're going to go out to Chick-fil-a, and pick up a dinner, we don't feel like cooking. You had to cook every single night because that was your source of food. You didn't- there weren't close by restaurants. That was reserved for, you know, special occasions if family was coming in, or something like that. So, and my dad was a meat and potatoes kind of guy. So you had to plan it that morning, you had to take out the meat and let it thaw all day. And you had to have your potatoes kind of ready. So you're not doing all of this prep at night. So not only was it a nighttime routine, but it was a morning before we went out to the field routine. And then of course, I had four kids, so you've got to cook for four kids. So I did all of that. Now my stage in life, I'm like, I am not going to cook unless I absolutely have to. And we're going to either pick up from the grocery store, something that's already pre-made, or a restaurant, or we're going to go out to eat. That's where I'm at in life right now.

Stasha Boyd  11:51

And, and I think that's where a lot of women are, I mean, I know a lot of friends that I have their, their kids, you know, they've been cooking for their kids all their lives. And some of them, which I just don't understand this at all, they've been cooking two meals. They cook the grown-up food for them and their husband and then they cook like a special chicken finger food for their kid, and I'm like, Oh, hell no. Oh, no, no, no kids eat what we eat or they don't eat.

Cheryl Stuller  12:14

They should not be doing that. Two dinners. We should not be doing that.

Stasha Boyd  12:18

Well, we'll get onto that another time. You know, and again, people will say to me, we'll Stasha honey, you know, you don't have kids, you don't understand. I'll say well, let me talk to my friend Cheryl, because she's got four. So that's kind of two for me and two for her. Anyway-

Cheryl Stuller  12:29

Yeah. Don't cook extra meals for your kids. You get them introduced to the foods that they should be eating very young. And you establish very young that this is what we eat. If you don't want to eat that, that's totally fine. But that's what we're going to have. I'm not going to make you something else. You're not going to get something else. You just have to wait for breakfast. 

Stasha Boyd  12:53

Right. Well, going back to like the- being the kids though. So, you guys worked on the farm mostly? Well, my mom and dad, you know, Mama was a nurse and Daddy was a- had just started his building business. And so Mama, either she was working nights, so she wasn't home or Dad, he was, Daddy was out building houses, we never knew when he was gonna get home. So I can remember, even as young as we were still living in the trailer, and it was around fourth grade. So I would say like, around age eight or nine, Daddy had made this little stepstool. So that we could help cook. It went in front of the sink when we were washing dishes, and it went in front of the stove when we were cooking. And we had a propane gas stove. And so I remember, you know, you light the match first, then you turn on the gas, and again I'm eight, I'm eight, and, and you had to do the same thing for the pilot in the in the oven too you had to light, there was a pilot light in there. But sometimes it would go out and so you'd light the match and turn on the gas. I was eight. But um, but anyway, but cooking became part of what we did. So even as we were growing- and that was little I mean, our responsibilities then were, you know, boil water for the potatoes or something simple. But I think by the time I was in easily eighth grade, ninth grade and going into high school, the way Mama ran it was my brother and I, one of us had to plan and cook all of the meals one week. And then the other one did the dishes. And then we switch the following week. And I got into it man, I was I was cooking good food. I was making homemade biscuits, oh, fried chicken livers, I would do anything and I loved it. I love cooking. However, that was also when I started gaining weight. And then it became, are you going to eat that? You need to not eat that. 

Cheryl Stuller  13:22

So, your parents are saying this to you?

Stasha Boyd  14:50

Oh Lord, everybody was. I mean, the only person who wasn't telling me that I was fat was Dani, that was Daddy's mama. And she would just tell everybody to leave me alone, "Oh, it's just baby fat." But I will tell you this. So by the time I was in, in the theater 15, 16 years old, and was going on my first, I was put on weight watchers my first time when I was probably in ninth grade. 

Cheryl Stuller  15:16

I never knew they put you on a diet.

Stasha Boyd  15:19

Lord, girl, yes they did. Because everybody thought I was just so fat. And I look at those pictures now. And I'm like, I was not fat. I could've used some fashion sense. I could have maybe had a better budget for some better clothes, that would have helped a lot. But, um, but no, I so from a very young age, for me, food became this thing that was just horrifying. It became, and over time, it got to where I became afraid to eat. You know, because everything you eat is bad, right? It's gonna, is it gonna make you bigger or smaller. And so I would say a good 20, 25 years of my life, at least, I have had a war with food. And in a weird way, you become like you said, it's like I hear you saying, I, you know, I never really thought about food. And I'm like, What? What the fuck is that? How do you, how do you? I don't even, I can't even comprehend such a thing. So, and I say that with a mix of, of envy and awe. It's like, Oh, my God, I would kill to be that way. I would give 10 years off the end of my life to be that way. But I can't. So I had to find a way to overcome that. And again, which brings me back to the joy now that I take in food. I love to cook. And I'm a good cook. I love to shop. I like to, I also like to eat out. I like to eat in. I do watch. I watch what I eat, obviously, because I try to keep things healthy. But for me, it's a- food is really a big deal.

Cheryl Stuller  17:02

So Brian has a really big family and all of their get togethers. It's all around food. All of their family reunions, all of their- every time we visit everything is around food. To the point where his mom will ask at breakfast, What are we doing for lunch? What are we doing for dinner? And that so stresses me out that, that we're thinking about meals that haven't even happened yet that far in advance. And making that part of your day. Where I'm at, I'm more thinking about, and I guess this is why food wasn't a thought for me. Number one, because we were lucky enough to be on a farm where we had a garden for our vegetables, where we had cows for our meat. And I haven't eaten red meat in... Oh my gosh, it has been, I'm 55. So, probably 30 years. I haven't eaten red meat. Because of the way I grew up. I mean every single meal red meat, red meat, red meat, potatoes, potatoes, potatoes, bread, bread, bread, a few vegetables, you know? Vegetables that we had to go out in the garden and pick. So I would pick the least amount that I could you know, because that's a, that's a big undertaking in and of itself. So, you know, food has always been for me around the work. And that whole idea of... yes we had to plan for it in a way, but also just having to do it at the end of an already busy day. More work, more work. It's more work, you know,

Stasha Boyd  18:45

And I think the unfairness of it bothers you too.

Cheryl Stuller  18:48

It does, it does bother me. Absolutely. It bothers me because, and that was back in the 70s and 80s. And I was a kid there wasn't any way I was going to say anything about it. You just did what you had to do. But yeah, I-

Stasha Boyd  19:05

Is it still set the same now? I mean, do you guys, do y'all kind of share the cooking and eating responsibilities now or is it still kind of lopsided on one person?

Cheryl Stuller  19:15

Well, we just had Brian's family down for the weekend from Friday until Monday, which by the way is a long time. When you're thinking about the meals side of it.

Stasha Boyd  19:27

Thanks for the clarification, thank you.

Cheryl Stuller  19:28

I'm clarifying the meal side of it for somebody who now doesn't cook to have to think about three meals a day. We did go out to eat one night. Um, I was so exhausted at the end of last weekend. Just because of all the planning and the you making sure people are entertained and I'm bringing them wine down by the lake so that and wine and crackers and cheese so they can have something to eat and snack on and I haven't thought about food in that way in so long that I was so exhausted after that, and so grateful that I don't have to do that anymore.

Stasha Boyd  20:07

And it was funny because I remember it's like I was talking to you right after the weekend, I wanted to hear how the weekend had gone. And you're like, I'm really tired right now, Stasha we're just gonna watch, watch movies. And it's like, it was like, three in the afternoon. I'm like, for the rest of the night? You're like, Yes, I watched four movies, leave me alone.

Cheryl Stuller  20:22

And I never do that. And I was like, by the way, my husband, I said to him, you're gonna help me every single meal. And we're not gonna let anybody else into the kitchen. Because this is our space, we need to handle this, we are entertaining them. Whenever we go visit them, we don't help them cook, they're always like, shoo, go out of the kitchen, go talk, go catch up with people. Well, we turned that back on them this time. And they had a really hard time with it. Because they're used to being in charge and in the kitchen and helping. And I wanted to take that away from them, that they would be there to enjoy, and talk and visit. And let us do something for them for a change.

Stasha Boyd  21:09

That's, and that's an important thing. And again, I- this is probably one of the few remnants of sexism that I'm still kind of okay with. And that is the kitchen. When it comes to like, you know, big events and things like that. It's like, it's kind of, that's kind of my realm. So if we have a dinner party, which we love to throw, you know, 10 to 12 people coming over, I plan the whole menu, I do everything. People will call and say, Oh, well, what can we bring? And I'm like, nothing. Bring a bottle of wine and some flowers or hostess gifts. But no. Oh, but no, I need to bring something. No, you don't. No, I insist. Back the fuck up bitch. Because why are you trying to ruin my day? Because I'm enjoying that. For me that- the pleasure starts from me starting the planning, and then doing the shopping, and then preparing everything. And that whole ritual of putting it all together, and then coming up with the timing to get everything done just right, as people sit down, and have all of that, for me, is joy. I love it. And so I kind of have to say, you know, look, no, don't do this. But I have had people who, um, will kind of come in and feel like, you know, Oh, no, no. They're going to tell me what to do in my kitchen. I'm like, No. We have, we've had some family members who will do the same thing. And you know, we have this... this dynamic. So when I go up to Mama, you know, Mama and holidays. Mama wants to have everybody around. But she doesn't want, she's 81, she doesn't want to cook anymore. She doesn't want to do all of this. But what she wants me to do, because she doesn't want to come here. She wants me to carry all of the crap to her house and cook. And I'm like Mama, A: it's very hard to cook in somebody else's kitchen. And number two, she will sit there from the moment- in in the way. And then she's criticizing everything I do. Oh, use this bowl. Don't use that bowl. No, don't use this. But don't cook it this long. No, have you checked this? I'm like, Mama, is there one damn thing I have done since I got here that didn't require your input or correction? Anything? 

Cheryl Stuller  23:18

That would make it unenjoyable, for sure.

Stasha Boyd  23:21

Right. Which goes back to that whole idea of like, you know, families and food. With your family, you were saying that your, Brian's family, you know, your extended family. When people come in, they're not just coming in with their agenda of having a good time. All these little power plays start happening. And they start happening in the kitchen. 

Cheryl Stuller  23:42

Mm hmm. They start happening in the kitchen. Yeah. Well, we had, we had a great weekend, they had a great time. It ended up that they enjoyed so much not having to be in the kitchen. It just took a little while for them to be comfortable with that. Because as women, we're used to that, getting into the kitchen, making sure people are fed and making sure everybody's happy that kind of goes along with what women are expected to do. And so thus the discussion with my husband about No, you're going to be in there with me. Every single time I'm in the kitchen, you're in the kitchen, and we're going to do this together and we're going to do it for your family.

Stasha Boyd  24:28

Well it also goes up the whole thing about like that expectation. I think that a lot of times people, especially like you said earlier, young women who have raised their children, they were there making sure that they had good, healthy, nutritious meals, they were taking care of the family, they were doing- now maybe their husbands, a few of them were very lucky and they had that active partner that would help them with that particular task. But most women even now, you know, and what year is this 2021, are still responsible for 75 to 80% of the food responsibilities. Which means all the grocery shopping, all the putting away, most of the prep, and then the cleanup is kind of getting to be more split. You know, I think more men are participating in, you know, cleaning up, but there's still all the prep and the planning, which is the mental load of dealing with food. It's like, Okay, look ahead for the week, because I sit down once a week, usually on Sundays when I have my coffee, and I draw a little grid, and I plan out what we're going to do this week for meals. Because A: we're big Home Chef fans, we get the Home Chef meal kits, which I love, love, love, love. We'll put a link to that in the show notes. Because I, there's a lot of them out there, I'm sure they're all good, but I'm a Home Chef girl. Anyway, but I plan out the meals so I can see what I have to go buy. And then of course, what we need, and then I'm the one that goes to the grocery store, and I buy everything, and then I bring it back and I put it all away. Um, I'm usually the one keeping the running tab in my head of what are we out, what do we have, not have, we need more of etc. And what happens is, is that all of that work becomes hidden, because it's just there. And then women who've gone through all of that, and suddenly now the kids are older. And let's say they've skipped over the teenage years, now the kids are out the door. And these women like you, it's like, I'm done. I'm not doing that shit anymore. I have- I have done all of that. I am not going to cook again, unless I'm really, really motivated, which I might get really motivated once every other month. I'm not going to do all the shopping, you know, we're going to be like ordering out and ordering takeout or whatever. And they just say No, I'm done. But I think what happens though, is they are now able to turn their attention on enjoying the experience of eating, socializing. They go out to eat with friends, they go out to eat with other folks, they spend that time doing something else.

Cheryl Stuller  27:03

That's what we have been doing. Absolutely. Because that's another thing you don't do. You don't, you don't have four kids and go out to a restaurant very often. It's very hard to manage four kids in a restaurant. It's very hard to manage four kids in a grocery store. It's very hard to manage four kids and cooking. You know? So, all of that. And you mentioned the mental side of it. And I'm glad that you mentioned that. Because, it's a lot of when you raise kids, when you plan their activities, when you plan what they're going to eat. All of that is a mental exercise in being a parent, not just physical, but mental. And I think for a lot of us, a lot of us women, even if you don't have children, it's still a mental exercise that you have to get through every single day. You know?

Stasha Boyd  27:56

But I do think that for, for most mothers it is- that is a bigger part for them. Like, again, I have a girlfriend who has three children. One of them is special needs. But I can remember going over to her house. And she's still a very, very close, dear friend of mine, you know, but when the kids were little, and they were like, you know, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10 years old, and they were, they were typical little kids. They needed a lot of attention. And then you had, you know, the one boy who really needed like three or four times the attention.  But she would have people over. She'd say Hey, yeah, come on by, cuz for her, it's easier to have people come to her house than it was to get a babysitter and get the car. And so we would go to their house. And while we were there, chaos would reign. I mean, there was screaming and carrying on and running in and out. Meanwhile, she is calmly in her kitchen, mixing up a spread of appetizers that she's baked that she's come up with from scratch. Then she puts the salad course, or the prosciutto course on the table that she's basically peeled and put together herself, then it's this meal of incredible proportions. And then a dessert that she baked from scratch. Gluten free because one of the children has an allergy to gluten. And I would sit there and just marvel at this.

Cheryl Stuller  27:57

Do you think that was a way for her to check out a little bit from the chaos of the kids and taking care of them?

Stasha Boyd  28:22

Well, no, I don't think so. Because she was, she was both taking care of the kids and doing this from the kitchen cockpit. It's like, you know, she's running that house from that kitchen cockpit. And she's giving her husband do this, do this. We were sitting around, you know, set the table do this. The children that were older could do things. It's like it's your turn. It was a marvel to witness. And at the same time, it's like she truly loved it. And enjoyed it. She was incredibly good at it. It was one of those things that if we would get that phone call. Hey, you know it's me. Thinking about cooking dinner tonight. Y'all want to come over? And Mike first, me right behind him will be like, Oh, hell yeah, she's cooking, we're there. Because she's just that good. I actually wanted to, I've always wanted to produce a cooking show. And my first one I wanted to produce was one around her. And the title was gonna be called The Real Deal Diva. Because, you know, you see all these, like fancy cooking shows, and they have like, all this staff behind them. And she would do this in utter chaos. And she was a full time teacher. And she had her mother around, and her sisters and her nieces and nephews.

Cheryl Stuller  30:31

And she just got through law school, by the way.

Stasha Boyd  30:34

By the way, yeah, I mean, it's one of those things that it's like, you see someone who has that kind of mad skill, but also kind of going back to when we talked about joy, is that that was a time of incredible joy for her. And it kind of inspired us and me in particular, when I started doing the, our dinner parties. And we started these 10 or 12 years ago, and we always kept them very small. 8, 10 or 12 people, we would normally invite 10 people. And then if one couple couldn't show up, it would be our smallest. And then if somebody else that we would like invite someone to kind of fill in, but it was always small. Because that was about the number of people that A: you can cook for comfortably in a standard sized kitchen. B: you can talk to- there's enough you can have conversation around that. You're not going to totally go broke when you're like buying the food for it and putting everything together. So it became this incredible source of joy. And I remember one time we had invited some friends of ours who, uh, the he's, he's a chef. And he's a very well known and well regarded and well respected chef. And people found out that I was inviting this incredibly well known famous chef, like Oh my God, you're not scared to cook for him? You're not afraid? And I'm like, No, he's not an asshole. He will come into my house, he will eat what I put before him and he will say, thank you. Thank you so much. That was lovely. Now if he sees he can give me a tip later, I will ask him, but the joy of cooking for somebody who appreciates good food. And again, I'm no slouch. I'm not being falsely modest. I'm a pretty good cook,

Cheryl Stuller  32:15

You are a very good cook, actually.

Stasha Boyd  32:19

Because I enjoy it. And again, it goes back-

Cheryl Stuller  32:23

I enjoy feeding my kids good meals, and my husband, of course, that part of it I enjoy but the act of doing the cooking, I never have enjoyed that ever. 

Stasha Boyd  32:34

And I gotta, I tell you what, I blame your mama and daddy. They sucked the joy out of you, Cheryl, they sucked it out of you.

Cheryl Stuller  32:43

I think so. I just like doing other things, you know, is is really what it is. I like doing other things. 

Stasha Boyd  32:52

Well, and that brings me to like one of the questions that I had is like, you know, it was a it was kind of like this, when it comes down to, you know, what do you enjoy the most about? And I would say it's like enjoying the food. Is it the social aspect now? Is it the health aspect? What do you enjoy about food? And then what do you hate about the processes around food?

Cheryl Stuller  33:16

So now we will meet our friends out. And we will choose restaurants that we like to go to that A: have a full bar, that's number one. And B: have good food because I still like to choose nutritional and and weight conscious options based on the perimenopause thing. So I like doing that versus having people over I, I it stresses me out to have people over because then I feel like my house has to be perfect. I have to then be the entertainer and not the socializer. Because I feel like you, and you can speak to this better than I can. When you have people over, aren't you more working on the entertainment and making sure everybody has their drinks filled, everybody knows where all the food is, and you know, this is what goes with this. Don't you become that and you're less engaged socially?

Stasha Boyd  34:20

With super large parties? Yes. If we're having like some kind of a large open house where there'll be 20, 30, 40 even more people here, then yeah, then you're you're basically you're you're kind of working your own party. Unless what I do now is I hire people to help me with that. You know, I'll call up you know, a couple of our local restaurants that we know the servers and say Do y'all have, you know, three people who aren't working tonight and can they come down? You know, one to a buck 25 a piece, and we'll, we'll just pay them to help us with that. Which again, at where we are now we can do that. Where I was 20 years ago, I would have had to have gotten some kid volunteers to help that I had. But I, no but I think the thing is, is that that's, again, going back to the idea of keeping it small. But I also had to learn two things. First of all, I have an excellent partner. I mean, when it comes to you know, winning the the marital lottery, I do think I kind of, like hit it out of the park. Because I never,

Cheryl Stuller  35:18

You really did, you really did. 

Stasha Boyd  35:21

I never have to say to him, Oh, by the way, I need you to do blah, blah, blah. Now, I might come up with a schedule and say, I need this done at this time, and that done at that time to make sure everything is done at the same time. But, I don't ever look around and go, okay, where the hell is he, I'm in here, slaving away, and he's out there watching football. That just doesn't happen. Um, so that's the thing that doesn't register for me, I'm not left on my own. The second thing is, and I think this is the important part is I really had to get comfortable, and to this day, I'm really not that comfortable, but I had to get more comfortable with my house not being perfect. Because, used to, before an event, and this is probably like, when we first started having these, like, 15, 20 years ago, um, I would spend two days beforehand cleaning the house like a madwoman. 

Cheryl Stuller  36:10

That's what I do. 

Stasha Boyd  36:12

Right. But then I realized I was sick in the head! I had I had, and again I didn't realize- Mike was like, Honey stop it. Stop, stop. First of all, nobody goes upstairs. That is private space, nobody gets a tour of the house anymore. That's it. Anything you need to hide, you just haul it right upstairs, put it in the secondary room, and don't fucking worry about it, you do not have to do the laundry because we have guests coming over. Second, you know, we had to come to an agreement on what "clean enough" meant. For me, I have been able to relax my standards of clean enough to where I did not have to get down on my hands and knees and actually scrub the kitchen floor before people come over. I can just sweep now. That's a huge step for me. It's like, you know, sweepers anonymous, or housekeeper house cleaning anonymous or something. But I would go to that extreme. And once I was able to let some of that go. I was able to really- because it's about the people. They don't care. They really don't care.

Cheryl Stuller  37:17

Well, I mean, like with Brian's family coming down, we spent two weeks getting ready for that. Two weeks, you know, making sure everything was ready because they had not seen the house. This was our first time seeing them since 2019, because of COVID. So there's- not only was there a lot of work that weekend, which I put on myself, they did not put on me, I did that myself. I wanted them to have a really good experience. And we went overboard on the meals to make sure of that, you know? We really did really well, I have to say, and Brian was right there in there helping me. He did a really good job. But it, but it was the whole prep up to that also. So I think for me at this point in my life, I'm trying to take that kind of stress away from myself. And I'm, I'm trying to allow myself some grace on some of those things that you're talking about. I haven't gotten there on the clean house. I rarely take a day off from working out. I have this thing in my head where, you know, we grew up, I grew up, especially me, because I was the oldest, I grew up with the expectation of your value is in your work ethic. So if your work ethic is there, then your value is there. So it's really hard for me to let some of those things go. You on the other hand, were more of a, you had more independence. Because of your parents schedule. I remember coming over to your house in the evening after school and your brother. Do you remember what I'm going to say? 

Stasha Boyd  39:04

Yes, I do actually 

Cheryl Stuller  39:06

-and his white, okay, her brother. His snack after school was white bread with literally ketchup in between, smack it together. Eat it.

Stasha Boyd  39:17

He loves it. He still loves it. 

Cheryl Stuller  39:19

Oh, my God. 

Stasha Boyd  39:20

He loves the ketchup sandwich. It's like his comfort food.

Cheryl Stuller  39:23

It's the grossest thing ever, ever. I'm like Bradley, how can you possibly eat that? Oh, I love it, I love it.

Stasha Boyd  39:30

That goes back to the whole thing about you know, people and I, at the time, I was the same way. I was like, Oh my god, that is the grossest thing ever. You know, at the same time, I would sit there, you know, and eat like half a sleeve of Oreos. So, you know, it's like, everybody has their thing that's gross. Fast forward 30 years. And now part of me is like, Okay, y'all ever just, just eat what you want to eat? You know? None of that- I don't want to hear like, any crazy crap. I don't want to hear about, like the crazy things that people eat. I just don't. Um, but I have, I don't ever want to be the person that makes somebody feel bad about what they eat. I remember one time a girlfriend and I had gone to the beach and we were sharing a condo. And, um, and I just picked up a few little things for breakfast and, and I'm not a big breakfast eater. But every once in a while I wanted something, you know, light. Well, I picked up a few bagels and a little bit of you know, cream cheese. So I'd have like half a bagel and some, some cream cheese. And I remember sitting there eating that and my girlfriend walked around the corner and she just looked at it, and she kind of laughed. And I'm like, What? She's like, Oh my God, the things you eat. And I remember stopping in that moment going, Okay, just so you know, what I eat, or don't eat, is never on the approved list of subjects.

Cheryl Stuller  40:13

And what's, what's wrong with a bagel and cream cheese? I mean, is that- we're not talking caviar in the morning. What are we- what was her issue with that, I don't understand.

Stasha Boyd  40:41

I don't know, it wasn't a fruit smoothie or something. I- she's, she was very health conscious at the time, you know, very much about you know, she was very much working on her fitness and her physique and everything. And so that was kind of where she was. And again, I'm, I get it I, I will- anybody that I know, who has tried to lose weight and has accomplished it. I don't, I don't compliment them on their looks, but I will compliment them on setting a goal and achieving it, because that's fucking hard. 

Cheryl Stuller  41:28

Your effort, yeah.

Stasha Boyd  41:29

Oh my God. And it's almost like, you know, the stars have to align for it to achieve. Some of the smartest, most gifted women I know, are 30, 40, 50 some of them 100 pounds overweight. These women are insanely smart. And there will still be people who will look at them and judge what they eat. Because they're overweight, and then look at- and they'll think less of them, they will think that somehow or another, they are in a position to offer guidance to this person. As if that person has not lived with this situation for 10, 20, 30, 40 years. I find that completely amazing. 

Cheryl Stuller  42:06

The rule on that is, you mind your own damn business, you have your own way of eating and how you view that as related to your fitness. And you, and you handle that for your own damn self. Unless somebody asks you your advice. Keep your damn mouth shut.

Stasha Boyd  42:25

And here's the thing,

Cheryl Stuller  42:27

It has nothing to do with you, and you should not be judging somebody else.

Stasha Boyd  42:31

Exactly. And even if I do ask you? Take a moment and look to see if I'm holding a wine glass or a cocktail glass in my hand. And if I am, still shut the fuck up, because I'm completely drunk, and I don't know what I'm saying. I mean, the thing is, is that nobody ever really wants that kind of feedback. If they do, they are going to make a serious appointment with you. They're going to really seriously sit down and say, Look, I'm having this problem. And I want to talk to you about it. But it really gets into that whole idea about- for me, if you, if you have an issue with weight, talk to a dietitian, talk to a professional, talk to a doctor. Unless you, unless you have been one of these people who are just absolutely gorging themselves on crazy shit, you know, all day, every day. But most people I know are not. You actually had a great question that, that you put in there a little bit earlier, like How much do you eat? Or how often do you eat?

Cheryl Stuller  43:30

How often. Because some people eat like the five mini meals and some people eat just like the three basic meals. What, what do you typically- and you said you hardly, there are so many people who do not eat breakfast. I have never understood that. My own kids, my own kids who I I grew- I had them growing up eating breakfast. Now as adults,  two of them hardly ever eat breakfast. If I don't eat breakfast within the first 30 minutes of me being awake, I feel nauseous in my stomach because my metabolism gets ramped up, and I've got to have something in my stomach. So, I've always been a huge breakfast eater, but it's amazing to me how many people are not that way and can just get away with coffee. I think you're just a coffee drinker in the morning, right? You tend to-

Stasha Boyd  44:21

Yeah coffee and water.

Cheryl Stuller  44:23

Yeah, I- see, I would, my body would not handle that at all.

Stasha Boyd  44:28

Here's the thing: I was, um, again, several years back, I encountered this, this concept of intuitive eating. And then there's a woman who, she's like a weight loss person but she has this wonderful podcast. Corinne Crabtree, Losing 100 pounds with fit and fat. Free podcast. I love her. And it's basically the idea of intuitive eating is that, you know, if you're not hungry, and physically hungry, don't eat. Most people don't know what that feels like. They don't know what it feels like any more to be not hungry, because they eat by the clock, or they eat when they're upset, or they eat when they're happy, or they eat when they're angry. And so I just kind of, I kind of internally, I heard this concept and I was like, Wow, that's, that's kind of crazy. Let me, let me just see. I decided at one point to, to I could, you know, I'm not hungry right now, I'm not going to eat until I'm hungry. I didn't eat for almost three days. 

Cheryl Stuller  45:24

Which is not healthy.

Stasha Boyd  45:25

But then again, I'm not, I'm none the worse for wear. I didn't, you know, I haven't, my metabolism is not ruined, my metabolism is no different than it's ever been. Um, so now what we do- what Mike and I do is A: I have kind of come to the conclusion that you know, I just really, I'm just not hungry the morning and I wake up alert. I wake up and bink, I'm wide awake. Mike, my mom, they have to have like 30 minutes, 40 minutes of coffee drinking and silence before you can even talk to them. I open my eyes and I'm perky. Now here's the weird thing. I could have had five Cosmos the night before, I will still wake up perky.

Cheryl Stuller  46:09

I have a friend that's like that, too. She can over drink at night. And she wakes up the next morning. And you wouldn't even have been able to tell that she was, that she had that much before. And I had somebody that I was in a running group with. The same thing. She, um, well she was kind of a functioning alcoholic. Like I could sometimes smell alcohol on her when we were running at 8am in the morning. But God dammit she ran ten miles with us. I'm like how do you do that?

Stasha Boyd  46:41

What's the- what's the joke. It's like, if it's, is a drinking problem, a problem if it's not a problem? It's like you know if you're getting it- doing all the shit then, how's it a problem? Okay, just for the record-

Cheryl Stuller  46:52

I think it, it did get to be a problem with her later on. But at that time, she was still running 10 miles, so....

Stasha Boyd  46:59

It's also still- if you're over drinking, it's still doing damage to your liver, it's doing damage to your heart. So we, we know that we have like our cocktails thing and our thing, but at the same time we are not advocating over drinking.

Cheryl Stuller  47:12

Right.

Stasha Boyd  47:13

But going back to the whole idea of eating when you're hungry and not hungry. So, sometimes, you know, Mike and I might have- we might eat out at lunch, we'll go down to our favorite Thai restaurant. We eat our normal lunch. And then later that night, we're like, I'm not hungry. Are you hungry? So, and if we're not, then we'll say Okay, well, we're not going to fix dinner tonight, we might just have like a, either half a sandwich or you know, little cup of soup or something. I don't eat when I'm not hungry. And if I do eat when I'm not hungry it is because there's some kind of an event, a birthday or something of that nature. But every day is not a celebration. And that kind of takes that and goes back the idea of enjoying food. I find that I enjoy food more, if I'm not eating on the- if I'm only eating it when I'm really able to enjoy it. 

Cheryl Stuller  48:06

Well, I mean, I still don't think three days. Don't go three days. I mean, three days. You said three days.

Stasha Boyd  48:13

I did say three. But again, I wasn't hungry. It wasn't like I wasn't drinking water. I had coffee. I had tea. I mean, I just, I just wasn't hungry.

Cheryl Stuller  48:24

Well, there's a thing, um, and Crossfitters use it a lot. Intermittent fasting, intermittent fasting, intermittent fasting. Yeah, but that's like a 24 hour thing. It's not like a three day thing.

Stasha Boyd  48:40

Well, and the intermittent fasting, and again, because I am me and I have fought, you know, dealt with weight and all this kind of stuff my entire life, believe me there is- if there's, if there's some kind of like, you know, weight loss or healthful eating thing out there. I'm pretty, 99% sure, not only am I aware of it, I have looked deeply into it. Intermittent fasting, though, is really, it is kind of, in a way a similar situation. Different intermittent fasting schedules work for other people. But it's still kind of comes down to the idea of: don't eat if you're not hungry. And most people will, will realize that it's like, it's something, like, the people who do wake up hungry, wake up really hungry. They make their intervals you know, 8am to 4pm, and they're not hungry at night. Other people who like don't wake up hungry.

Cheryl Stuller  49:34

Yeah, yeah, I can eat dinner.

Stasha Boyd  49:40

I think we're having a little bit of a, some kind of an issue with our connection right now.

Cheryl Stuller  49:43

Yeah, I cannot eat dinner and be okay. Another important thing to talk about is, don't make your kids... Oh yeah, I just saw that. Don't make your kids finish their plate. If you're, if you are done and you are full- because we had always been, and that's a bad habit to get into as well. And Brian's sister had a good phrase. And she said, Don't make me your trash can. If I'm not hungry, I'm not going to finish and I'm not going to finish the food on your plate either. You know. So.

Stasha Boyd  50:06

And I was, we were taught to you finish your plate, if you put it on your plate, you're supposed to eat it. Now, how's a child supposed to know that, you know, they see the the mashed potatoes and the gravy. And of course, they put a lot on there. But then they eat three or four bites, and they've had enough. We had to sit at that table until we finished that meal.

Cheryl Stuller  50:37

So did we, yeah.

Stasha Boyd  50:39

And again, that was a- I think that's a very poor idea. Very, very, very bad. And again, I don't wanna say that our parents were bad parents, they were doing what they thought was the right thing. But, that was probably one of the worst bits of, of parenting advice that they were ever given.

Cheryl Stuller  50:55

Well, you didn't waste food. I mean, food was expensive. You did not waste food, that was wasteful.

Stasha Boyd  51:01

Yeah. But the thing is when you're carrying it as fat, you're still wasting it. It's still wasted. Literally. WAISTED. But it's the same, same situation. It's like, you know, if your body doesn't need it, you can either throw it in the trash, throw it out to the animals, put it in the compost pile, you can do all sorts of things without having to you know, basically carry it on your ass. 

Cheryl Stuller  51:24

Exactly. Yeah. Put it up and use it. Have it the next day for lunch. please.

Stasha Boyd  51:32

Please! So here's, so here's the thing. We're like, kind of coming to the end of our time here. And I want to ask our final question, which to me is always one of the most important things. If our listeners hear one thing from us today on the subject of food, what would you like them to take away from, from your thoughts about it?

Cheryl Stuller  51:50

Um, that's a really good question. For one thing, I would say kind of your philosophy in that. It should be an enjoyable experience to both cook for somebody else, or have somebody cook for you or go to a restaurant and enjoy your meal. I don't think you should eliminate any food. I think everything in moderation. You know, I love chocolate ice cream. I know I can't eat chocolate ice cream every day. Even- I don't care how much you work out. You cannot eat that every day. So I have it in moderation. I don't cut it out. And I think that- you love salt. Salt isn't good for you in large amounts every single day. But don't, don't cut it out, have it in moderation. So I would say just enjoy what you are doing for your family. Enjoy what you are doing for yourself and do it in moderation. And, and that works for your body, because every body is different in how it responds to food, as well. So know what the things are that you should enjoy more of, know the things are that you should enjoy, but in moderation.

Stasha Boyd  53:00

Yeah, and I think that's, that's so important that there isn't, there's no such thing as a truly bad food. Unless it's literally poison. You know, there really isn't something that's a bad food. And for me, I would say that for anyone who has internalized that idea of good and bad. Good food and bad food. And if I eat the bad food I must be a bad person. If I, if I eat this thing it's like, Oh I'm a failure. You eat a piece of cake and then half an hour later you're throat punching yourself because, Oh my God, how can I be so horrible? How can I be so weak? How can I be so stupid? You know the- the throat punch is optional. You don't have to do that. You don't have to think of things- of food as the enemy. You don't have to think of yourself as a bad person. It is just food. And the joy in it for me is, I have learned and discovered, is it is in the preparing and the planning and the sharing and all of that kind of stuff. That's, that's my joy in food. Are there certain flavors and things that I like that I think are delicious? Yes. But I get more joy out of spending a day and a half planning and preparing a dinner party for 10 than I do at any restaurant. 

Cheryl Stuller  54:25

Okay, well said. And I enjoy going to a restaurant and letting somebody else cook. I don't want to cook for 10 or 12 people! I cooked for six people for four days and that was a lot. I don't want, I don't want to be doing that all the time.

Stasha Boyd  54:41

You're like let me whip out this American Express. I will take- I will enjoy paying for this meal. Awesome sauce. Well that is, that is I think our end of our food discussion. By the way. I did make an executive decision on our next, on our next topic. It was gonna be family, but I decided to change it. 

Cheryl Stuller  55:08

Okay, what is it girl?

Stasha Boyd  55:10

Body image. I thought that would be a good follow up to the- because we were trying so hard to avoid like, you know, the discussion around weight and the impact in this one because we wanted to talk about food. But I think that that's- there's so much unsaid about that impact on people. And we have two different, really, two totally different sides of this. You know, I'm the person who has lived a life combating weight gain, you have lived your life, you know, on the other side of that spectrum. I think it'll be really interesting conversation.

Cheryl Stuller  55:47

Absolutely. That's a really good one. Good job, girl.

Stasha Boyd  55:49

Thank you. Thank you. Executive decision. Well, if that's the case, Ladies, ladies, maybe there's some gents out there. Do you think any men listen to our show? 

Cheryl Stuller  55:52

I mean, I would, I hope so. I hope they would be willing to. 

Stasha Boyd  56:04

They could learn a lot I think. 

Cheryl Stuller  56:06

They really could. 

Stasha Boyd  56:08

Alright, that, that is where we're at folks and we will talk to you guys next time. Thank you again so much for for joining us and for listening to us. I hope you took away something valuable. I hope you had- we'd love to hear your comments and thoughts. So please Like and Share Point of the Matter and comment and we will talk to you all next week. 

Cheryl Stuller  56:30

Have a good week warrior queens!

Stasha Boyd  56:33

Bye, warrior queens.