Men: Marvelous, maddening, magnificent manhood

Men! They’re everywhere, amiright?? Fathers, brothers, sons, friends, cousins, co-workers, partners, clients, customers, employers, employees. The list goes on and on. But most important for this conversation, men are much, much more than husbands or boyfriends. In this episode, we talk about the best (like our fathers), to the worst (they know who they are), how they got that way, and how they impact our lives. So, get comfy. Grab a cocktail or a mocktail. Then join us as we rock our way through the wonder and mystery of all things men. 

After a heck of a week for both of us, we decided to take a night off from alcohol so we don't have new recipes from our favorite brands this week. But since we're not going to leave our WarriorQueens hanging, here are two of our favorite go-to cocktails:

Stasha: Classic Cosmo 

 ·         .5 oz Tito’s Handmade Vodka (gluten free) (or Ocean Organic)

·         1 oz Orange liqueur (I prefer Grand Marnier)

·         3.4 oz fresh lime juice

·         Splash of cranberry juice (Organic, if I have it)

 Put it all in shaker with ice and shake well. Strain into martini glass. Garnish with lime.
 
www.titosvodka.com/recipes/vodka-drinks/titos-classic-cosmo

 Stasha's favorite cocktail shaker. Has favorite recipes on the side. 

 www.amazon.com/Houdini-H4-013604T-Glass-Cocktail-Shaker/dp/B07CGP7VSR

 Best Cosmo of my life (so far) at LaMont in Pittsburgh.  Crystal clear and ice, ice cold! www.lemontpittsburgh.com/LeMont/index.htm

 Cheryl: Reyka Cran-Razz

 ·         3 parts Reyka Vodka

·         2 parts club soda

·         1 part cranberry juice

·         ½ part lime juice

 Combine ingredients into a rocks glass.

 https://icelandnaturally.com/article/celebrate-winter-these-reyka-cocktail-recipes/

Transcript

Stasha Boyd  00:01

Hi there, I'm Stasha.

Cheryl Stuller  00:03

I'm Cheryl.

Stasha Boyd  00:04

And between us we

Cheryl Stuller  00:05

have four kids,

Stasha Boyd  00:06

three businesses,

Cheryl Stuller  00:08

two husbands, and one goal.

Stasha Boyd  00:10

To get to The Point of the Matter.

Cheryl Stuller  00:11

We portray men the, especially in Hollywood's version of a man, the man that comes in and is physical and doesn't give the woman time to do anything or say anything and takes care of the problem. And then there's no communication. You know, I don't, that doesn't, that's not sexy to me. That's not what I want.

Stasha Boyd  00:38

I actually had a man ask me what mansplaining was. And I said, it's like, well, basically, what mansplaining is, is that if you're having a conversation with a man, and on a topic that you know more about than he does, or equal, or we might know the sequel. And you say something, and then they try to explain to you why you're wrong. Cheryl, here we are. Do you want to tell everybody how exciting this is? 

Cheryl Stuller  01:06

Well, first of all, we're sitting beside each other for a change. 

Stasha Boyd  01:10

For those of you who can't see us, because this is a podcast, and we are going to be, you know, at some point putting these on YouTube. But for right now Cheryl and I are actually in my home at the office with me. And we're side by side recording this together. 

Cheryl Stuller  01:25

First of all, can I say that I look better on your computer than I do on mine. So I'm liking that. 

Stasha Boyd  01:31

Do ya, well, I think it's kind of like the soft focus thing. We've got like a soft focus going for some reason. 

Cheryl Stuller  01:37

I'm really liking this a lot. 

Stasha Boyd  01:39

Yeah, it's like a little a little bit of, I think I've got the Gaussian Blur on it. That's what that is. But here we are. We're getting ready. So first of all, tell me about your week.

Cheryl Stuller  01:48

You tell me about your week. 

Stasha Boyd  01:49

Okay, I'll do my week first. So my week was actually quite quite challenging. And actually interesting for our topic, because it involved my dad, you know, my dad got a call last Saturday night from my mom. And they were taking my dad to the emergency room. So he is, he was just having a some kind of an episode. Long story short, ended up that he was basically having some kind of like a raging infection. And they ended up keeping him in the hospital for four days. And we were trying to get him out. Because you know, that's the one place that we know COVID actually is and he didn't have COVID. So we wanted to get him out of there. But he got home, home finally safe and sound, they loaded him up with all these high powered antibiotics and everything. And he is back to his normal self.

Cheryl Stuller  02:37

And I'm really glad to hear that. 

Stasha Boyd  02:39

Yeah. Oh, gosh, yes. Because you know, 81.

Cheryl Stuller  02:43

81. And I have had a very challenging week as well, which is why we delayed recording this actually, um, I don't know what to start with first. Um, first of all, we just had the dating episode where I said, Oh, I'm just so glad I don't have to date. And then two weeks later, we're talking about, you know, something totally different in my life going on, which we're going to talk about a little bit when we talk about men. And then the other thing is, my friend, Chris died suddenly on Thursday, from a heart attack. And Chris was my DSS worker that I had my longest case with. So I've known him for seven years. And he was my riding buddy. He was, we had long trips in the car going and visiting a kiddo that was out of county. And he was awesome to talk to because he was non emotional. And he wasn't attached to what I was talking about. So it was really easy to get feedback from him. We enjoyed riding motorcycles together, we had a lot of interest, we would trade motorcycle magazines, you know, look at this latest motorcycle that's out, you know, and he would text me and I would text him, but have you looked at this one. So, um, he is really going to be missed. And I want to talk about him a little bit when we talk about men. 

Stasha Boyd  04:13

And very young. I mean, he was 

Cheryl Stuller  04:16

53 today, today is his birthday. And he didn't quite make it to his birthday. And so I'm really sad about that, actually.

Stasha Boyd  04:24

So this is going to be actually challenging for a number of reasons. Cause you know we've also mentioned that, you know, your father passed when he was 53. 

Cheryl Stuller  04:31

He was 53. 

Stasha Boyd  04:32

So I mean, this is so, we're having this conversation about men today. And that's our topic. And so my father, Cheryl's friend, Cheryl's husband, we also have this conversation about and I missed this in mine. A friend of ours also passed last week. Now he was not, he was not, it wasn't sudden for him, but was kind of sudden he was diagnosed with cancer about two months ago, and he's gone now. So it was just these things and this is, again, a really good guy, a brother of a person that we knew he was also young in his early 60s, his mid 60s. So it's been quite the quite the challenging week. But, but we did want to come on and talk to it, because it is a it's an important topic. And like, we always ask these questions about, you know, why is this topic important to women like us, women are our 50s. And for me, one of the reasons why I think men is such an important topic is because A, they're so much part of our lives, but not just as romantic partners, but as friends, as people that you work with, as people that you know, you're the influences that you had in your life. And so I feel like, this also kind of brings to the to the fore, that there are special challenges that a lot of men have, um, that we kind of don't so that's that's my thoughts why it's important to our listeners, what's important to you Cheryl, why do you think it's important to our listeners?

Cheryl Stuller  05:55

Um, well, I think it's an important subject, because like you said, we have men in our lives. What does that look like for you? You know, what, what? How do you view the men in your life? What do they contribute to your life? What do they take away? How do you manage your relationships with men differently than you do women? I think that's an important one, too. I think you have said the same thing I have said, and that is I have wonderful women friends, so I never want to take away from that. But I also have had some pretty awesome male friends. And I tend to gravitate towards men a little bit. When I'm not so much as the friendship thing, but just, you know, the hangout, the talking to about things that I like to talk about. A lot of men in my life also share the same interests. So it's, it's good to talk to them about stuff like that. So, like motorcycles and, and I'm in an industry where we, you know, we're contractors, I deal with a lot of men. And so too, when I was growing up on the farm, so I'm really comfortable around men in the in the work space and in the getting, you know, talking to them, conversing. I'm super comfortable around men in that way.

Stasha Boyd  07:17

Yeah. And I think that's one of the things too, I have a tendency, and we will at some point, maybe we'll do, also do an episode on women. But for right, but I have a tendency to to relate very well with men because I have a tendency to be very direct, logical. I also I don't have kids, so I don't have the conversations about let me talk about my children. I don't I don't have those. So I do find that to be a really wonderful relationship. Also, and we'll talk about this more later as well about like the different men in our life. Before Mike and I got married, I actually had a roommate, and he and I were roommates for 11 years. So it was-

Cheryl Stuller  07:55

Oh wow, I didn't realize it was that long. Did he leave the seat up was that a topic of conversation? 

Stasha Boyd  08:01

We had separate bathrooms. Yeah, that was, that was never, no, no, that was never a topic. No, Mark, Mark was a fastidious person. But anyway, so let's talk about, so we have some notes. So Cheryl's put together some, some questions and notes for us, so we kind of want to go through through these first. And the first question is pretty much which men have been important to you and why? You want to take it first?

Cheryl Stuller  08:25

I haven't had a lot of men in my life. When we started talking about this subject, I did not grow up with grandfathers. My mom was was very dominant in my life. And my dad, and that's really the, other than my brother. That's really the only man I had growing up. And oh, my God, my dad. He was a kind, gentle, hard working soul that very, he had the best laugh. He didn't often get upset or raise his voice or get angry. He was just very low key and mellow and matter of fact. And stoic, very stoic.

Stasha Boyd  09:09

That was the word I was gonna use. Very stoic. I mean, the man did not get rattled. I remember one time, it was like you and I, I was having a sleepover at the house and Cheryl and they lived at the end of a long dirt road. And it was late at night and it was a full moon. And for some reason you and I decided to go for a walk at like midnight. And so we're like, walking down the dirt road. We get, and this is like a good quarter mile, maybe even almost a half mile from that, from their house up to the, to the main road. And then the dirt road crossed the main road and kept going on the dirt road next, yeah, next door to my grandfather's house. So we're out there walking. We're having a great time. All of a sudden, Here comes your dad in that truck. He just pulls right up behind us. He's like, get in. 

Cheryl Stuller  09:54

There's no discussion. 

Stasha Boyd  09:56

No, what were you thinking? No what are y'all doing out here? He had no interest in what we were thinking, he was just like get in. 

Cheryl Stuller  10:03

And we quietly got in and went back home and it was never talked about again.

Stasha Boyd  10:09

It was just a walk. Yeah. But yeah, but I think that's the thing. I had, in my life. I had a lot of men and I don't think we can count your brother. We're not going to count him as a man in your life. So it was your dad. The, and like you said, there was probably some of the men from the church, you know, anybody at the church that was any influential at all? 

Cheryl Stuller  10:29

No.

Stasha Boyd  10:30

Just in a negative way,  Yeah, he really was. And, and it's so funny, because like, all of these years, you know, he'd always just been Mr. Faulkner. I had never been able to call him Don. No, that just did not happen.

Cheryl Stuller  10:31

Just in a negative way. So really, who I kind of looked up to, and wanted my husband to be like, was my dad. So, what a great man he was. Well, he wouldn't have let you. It's a respect thing.

Stasha Boyd  10:55

Well, no, but as an adult, 

Cheryl Stuller  10:56

Oh, as an adult. 

Stasha Boyd  10:58

But, but yeah, I was always, and same thing with like, teachers, school teachers. 

Cheryl Stuller  11:01

Absolutely.

Stasha Boyd  11:02

But I had a lot of them. I had, so obviously my dad. And then both of my grandfathers and my, we grew up next door to my grandparents. So Granddaddy was a huge influence in our life.

Cheryl Stuller  11:15

You talked about your Granddaddy more than you did your Grandma.

Stasha Boyd  11:19

Yeah. Well, because he was just a larger than life. 

Cheryl Stuller  11:20

He was a topic of discussion a lot, was your Granddaddy. 

Stasha Boyd  11:24

And then of course, my Dad's dad. He was, he was there as well. He was also very stoic. He was a very quiet man, Granddaddy just larger than life legendary. But then also uncles, so I had, you know, and we all went to the same church. So if I was at the church, you know, it would just be, you know, my uncles, and you know, we had adult extended cousins. The people, the, that group, Granddaddy had his brothers, so there was, you know, Uncle Hilton, Uncle Clayton. So there were like so many men around. And it's interesting is my father, very quiet, very easygoing, you know, for the, for the most part, until he got really mad, and then it was a frightening thing to see. But I do think that the thing about my Dad that was this is that he was just extremely confident, you know, and so for so that's kind of what I look for in men, it's like, I want confidence. 

Cheryl Stuller  12:21

So you felt safe and, and together, and you didn't have that worry. I always felt safe. Like, I never worried about anything happening, or we always had money. You know, we always had everything that we needed. And I knew that my dad would always take care of things. Did you have that feeling too?

Stasha Boyd  12:43

No, I don't, I don't think so. I mean, I didn't have, I didn't think I felt like the the opposite. But you know, my parents were also pretty severe disciplinarians. So if something happened, it's like, you know, you got, you got corrected not with a conversation, but with a belt, and usually pretty badly. So for all of the wonderfulness that is my Dad. And my Mom is like, there was always that thing where it's like, you just knew if you did something that they didn't like that was wrong, the the repercussions could be very dire. And a lot of times because I was just like I was a very easy to please kind of kid. I mean, eager to please kid that I never knew, and very curious. I never knew what I did wrong. I never knew what the problem was when these these things would come down. So I have this, you know very much love and respect for my Dad. But I also developed a very keen sense of danger. So I could tell when things were about to go really south as I got older, and you know, and that's part of the reasons why I was like the world's perfect child. By the time I got into like into my I'd say middle school into high school. I mean, I was just I was the kid everybody's parents wanted their kids to be like.

Cheryl Stuller  14:00

Okay, and I, I had I always had, I didn't have that sense of danger. Even when my dad got mad, and we got spanked with a belt too, but it was never like a violent thing. It was more like, I knew I was being disciplined for something that I did thing. It wasn't out of hand or anything. Um, but uh, I always, you know, my Dad, I wouldn't, you didn't talk to my Dad when he first got home from work because he worked at Sears and he was manager of the automotive section. So his love was farming. So you knew that when he came in you didn't talk to him until after he got his work clothes on and finally his cap. And when he went outside and had his boots on, okay, now we can talk. Because he's transformed himself into that person that he would like to be all day long. And he's more comfortable in his skin and in his space. And then we could say, hey, how was your day? But not until then would we talk about anything. And then one time, I got really drunk. This was when I was in high school. And somebody drove me home. I don't know who and I was drunk in the backseat, like, passed out. And my Dad found me the next morning, and it upset him so bad, he started crying. And I had never seen my dad cry before, because I had disappointed him. And I never did that again. And I felt so bad about that, I had more of a sense of feeling guilty, my own inner guilt. If I disappointed or upset my parents, that's what kept me in line and a good kid that didn't do a lot.

Stasha Boyd  15:46

So do you think that, so carrying that forward to like men now, you know, because again, I think you know, that, that idea of that ideal of the male per- of the men in your life, how did that affect your relationships? Like you said, well, first of all, there was your first husband, who your dad did not like. But then, but then with your second husband and like the other people that you got to know.

Cheryl Stuller  16:08

I always felt like, um, not that I had to please but that I had to fix, you know, I had to be the fixer and solve the problem and make everything okay, and everybody all right. That's more of what I felt like. And when you don't get, when you're not with somebody, and this is all I want to say about this, but when you're not with somebody who can be honest with you, and show that kind of respect, that you care about being honest with that person, you need to take a hard look and say, is this the person that I need to be with? Because if you don't have honesty, you don't have respect, does somebody truly love you? I don't think they can say that they do. If you don't have those two things, you can't have those, you can't not have those two things and be told that but I love you. So, I'm going to do the best I can with moving on from that. I'm going to take the month of August and figure out, you know, my next steps. And I'm going to be okay.

Stasha Boyd  17:18

Yeah, absolutely. But so moving on to like the next group of men. So it's like I, you know, I grew up, left home. Now I was very eager to leave home. So, man, two weeks after I turned 18, I was out the door. But what I discovered was like I joined, like, I've mentioned before, up with people, so I'm now going up with people. And it's like people from all over the world. And growing up in a very southern redneck kind of world. You know, there's a very distinct way men are supposed to be. And my grandfathers both kind of embodied that, Granddaddy especially. It was, it was the patriarch, it was the the the man rules the house, he makes the decisions. If he says, everybody Shut up, everybody's gonna shut up and listen, all of that kind of stuff. Well, then, I met Up With People, and I'm with this group of people from all over the world, there's like 20 different countries represented in our past. And suddenly I'm meeting people who are not like that at all. And for whom that type of behavior is just really weird. They'd be like, no, that's, that's just not right. You just don't do that. So suddenly, I'm in a world I'm like, okay, the world I was taught growing up, isn't necessarily true all over the place. It's not a universal truth about the way men act. And now I can kind of go back and say, Okay, well, what, what is it? And, and that's actually kind of one of the challenges that we had my, my father was a very hardworking, direct person, but my father is no Southern redneck. He's a Southern Gentleman. 

Cheryl Stuller  18:48

Mine wasn't either. I didn't grow up in a redneck household. 

Stasha Boyd  18:51

Right. Very much Southern Gentleman. My brother was an artistic sensitive boy, in a redneck world. And so that's, you know, and so that had its own harms. And again, I don't want to go, I don't want to go into my brother's story. But, you know, I think that's the thing is, if you don't fit that version of manhood, then it becomes problematic. But now fast, fast forward. I'm now out of Up With People and I go into into college. And at that point, now, it's like I had, because I had these skills, working with my dad as a contractor, all those years, you know, I can handle myself with a hammer and a saw and a nail and building and all of that kind of stuff. I started out with a job in the Dean's Office, but it didn't pay anything. They had an opening in the scene shop. And so I started working in the scene shop. And so now that became my, my way of working. I prefer to work in the scene shop. I prefer to work with hammers and nails and all of the things that go along with that. And again, I excelled at that, I was good at it. So most of the people that I knew and hung out with and respected were carpenters and contractors.

Cheryl Stuller  19:57

It replicated what your Dad would do. The hard working, you know, do it yourself kind of man. And that's that's was my dad as well. And that's what I liked about my husband. He could do practically anything and he was hard working or is hard working. So I like a well rounded man, let's talk about what do you like in a man? I like a well rounded man, I like I, you need to be able to fix stuff. For one thing. For me, you know, I want my man to be able to fix stuff and know a lot about you know, mechanics and anything like that, that needs to be done around the house or can figure it out if they don't know it. You know, skilled in that way. What, what do you like?

Stasha Boyd  20:53

Well, yeah, I think I like those things. I don't know that it's a requirement. Like, I want them to be competent. I want them to be essentially competent at the same things that people need to be competent about. But I also feel the same way about women. It's like, I think a woman should be able to take care of a car. But a man it's like, yeah, take care takes care of the car. I like whatever the thing has to be done, like you said, to be able to to learn about it have like some curious, if they can't, they don't know how to do it. They have the hutzpah to say I can figure this out, and I can go do it. I don't. I don't do well with helpless people, anyway. I do really poorly with helpless men. 

Cheryl Stuller  21:29

I agree.

Stasha Boyd  21:30

And maybe it's because I see them as it's like, one of the things that I observe is like, you know, men who kind of grow up and then they kind of become perpetual children. And the wife is like, you know, okay, let me make his doctor's appointments. And let me make sure he's got his clothes laid out. And let me make sure that it's like all of his laundry is done. And let me make sure that you know, all the things of basically daily life, the wife takes over. And I see those things as more levels of competence. So it's not enough to just be able to, you know, fix the car. It's like, do you know how to pick up the phone and make your own doctor's appointment? Do you know how to cook something? Do you, can you walk in the back door of the house and see that there are dirty dishes in the sink and say, Oh, the dish and do the dishes rather than saying, Oh my God, my wife didn't do the dishes? Can you run a vacuum if the place is dirty? Those are all life competencies to me. So I have a situation where there are some people who say, Okay, they see a man doing housework as emasculating, and I'm like, that's the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard. It's like, I see that as competence. 

Cheryl Stuller  22:35

What is sexy to women? I mean, if you come home, and the dishes are done, because you didn't have time to do it that morning, or you can obviously see the floor needs to be vacuumed. And they did that without asking you or you telling having to tell them? How sexy is that? Somebody's getting something that night, if I come home to that.

Stasha Boyd  22:58

Well and to me that should just be the state of being. The sexy part of it is that you know, you're a competent adult. It's like oh, my God, that's totally hot. Because you're a competent adult. It's not a treat, and I have this thing about, 

Cheryl Stuller  23:10

It is in my world. 

Stasha Boyd  23:11

Yeah. And that's and I just, that hurts my heart when I hear that. Because then you're not, you don't have a partner. You have you running all of the, all the knowledge base of a household. And they just kind of live there. You know, and things magically get done. Oh my gosh, the dishes are magically done. Look at this! Laundry shows up folded in my drawer. How weird is that? And then, at the same time and you're going like, You do realize the fairies don't live here. 

Cheryl Stuller  23:39

Right? We've, I've had this conversation. Yes. So.

Stasha Boyd  23:44

Yeah, but I think that's so so for me, it's what I find attractive in a man is a is basic life competence. You don't have to be perfect at everything. But you've got to be reasonably able to do most of the things of life. So I find that very sexy. I do not find sexy, you know, things that I just find completely unsexy is anyone but especially a grown, grown ass man that cannot handle the basics of their life. They can't handle their finances, they can't handle their home. It's like, you know, like I said, you don't have to be able to like reroof the place, but you need to be able to recognize a roof leak is a problem. Right? So, 

Cheryl Stuller  24:26

I want you to be able to fix it. 

Stasha Boyd  24:29

Well, and then again, I think, you know, to fix it to try to fix it. But when it doesn't get fixed? It's like, you know, if you're not a roofer, it's like, I'm not asking you to be something that you're not just to be able to recognize something that is, right?

Cheryl Stuller  24:43

I'm gonna have a hard time going forward finding a guy. My list of what you should be able to do as a man, you know? 

Stasha Boyd  24:51

Right, right. But here's the thing, though. I mean, your in a, it's a whole new world. Well, that's gonna be another conversation for another show. But here's the thing, the next question you have though, and I actually I'm gonna stay with this for like, what do men have that's, that's important to you and why? Or why do they have to have? I have to tell you, I think that for me, the most important thing for any man is to be interested in me. And what I think and for for what I want in life to be important to them as much as what I've, I want the best for them. That's the most important thing, whether it's a friend, whether it's anything, but for a man, a lot of men dismiss women. They just they dismiss what we say. They dismiss what we think, what we want is somehow it's so unimportant to them, it doesn't register to them that it exists. And that's what I find really unsexy in a man.

Cheryl Stuller  25:48

I think communication is so, so important. Being able to communicate your wants and your needs and be able to communicate, hey, how was your day? What did you do? Oh, that's awesome, and remember what you say. And then to have your back. I need somebody who has my back when I need somebody to have my back. And stand up for me. Um, not that I would ask somebody to do that. But, but if the opportunity came up, I would want somebody to have my back.

Stasha Boyd  26:26

I think that's probably the the hardest one too, because it's talking about, that matter of trust. I need to know that when I'm not in the room, if somebody like says something either mean spirited or just wrong about me that that person would be the one standing there going. Yeah, that's not that's not right. I don't, you know, I'm sorry, you can't talk about my wife that way? Or do you realize I'm her husband or something, or anything else, it's like, you know, when it's a situation to know that, that and this is like more about husbands than it is about men, I think, but for me, it's like the husband role in my life. It's the idea that no matter what, you've got my back. Even if you think that I am absolutely insane, totally wrong. In the moment out in front of people. Oh, no, she's totally right. Because that's how I feel like about them. Now going back to communication, then you go back to the house and the persons like, okay, yeah, I just told everybody that that was fine. I was not fine. So let's have, to be able to talk about that. Let's talk about this. And that I think is rare with men.

Cheryl Stuller  26:30

It's also rare for men to come and talk to you when things aren't going well. And this goes back to you know, how easy I think well, male or female, I will say that, but we're talking about men. Um, but I think that's a lot of why men cheat is because if they are not getting the time or attention, or whatever it is they want, if they can't communicate that, that conversation doesn't happen. And instead, somebody else fills that when you may not have known that that was an issue for them. So that's why communication, I think, is really so so important. So that you can have a conversation about, Hey, how are we doing? Let's check in you know, doing those check ins. And, you know, I'm trying not to say too much 

Stasha Boyd  28:26

I think maybe in September, maybe in September or October, we'll have this conversation. 

Cheryl Stuller  28:29

Maybe after August. 

Stasha Boyd  28:31

Because there's men in general, and then there's specific men, and those are two different conversations right now. So we're going to make sure that those kind of stay a little bit separated. Um, but no, I think that's the thing is like, you know, you were saying, your next question we had was, Do men have it hard in anything? And I do think that is one of them. And the communication because I don't think young men are taught to communicate, they're taught to suck it up. They're taught to not complain, they're taught to not talk, 

Cheryl Stuller  28:59

Or cry, or show emotion. 

Stasha Boyd  29:02

Or show emotion or show vulnerability. So for them yeah, I think they have it very hard in that. 

Cheryl Stuller  29:06

I do too, I agree. 

Stasha Boyd  29:07

And then over time, what happens is they they kind of lose the, they lose the ability because I mean, little boys, little kids especially little boys, but they'll tell you anything, they'll be like no, that hurt my feelings, they'll they'll converse with you. But as they grow older, and they start learning that that kind of behavior is not accepted, is not, you know, it's in many different ways, kind of shut down in a boy so that by the time they're like teenagers or, good lord hitting puberty, suddenly, now they are in this realm where it's like, Okay, I need to be, you know, all of the manly things I believe in, you know, I need to be whatever, whatever that means to them. But somehow what I observed is that being a good communicator is not considered manly. 

Cheryl Stuller  29:55

Oh, I think it's very manly and very sexy.

Stasha Boyd  29:56

Well, I think it is to you, but I think that you know, in society in general, I think it's like if you like, put like a, like the pictures, Oh, world's sexiest man or whatever. Not one thing is gonna be about Oh, he's a good communicator.

Cheryl Stuller  30:10

So and I think we see that a lot in movies, don't we, the man that sweeps in and takes charge of a situation, oftentimes portrayed violently, and there's not a lot of communication, we look at that as this hero that's doing this. He's kicking ass and getting things done. Whereas the guy that comes in and say, hey, there's a problem, we need to talk about it. This is what it is, what do you think? 

Stasha Boyd  30:35

They're actually almost always, those character tropes are portrayed as the weak male. That it's like the one that comes in to like talk, likes to sit there and talk. The other male characters look down on that. 

Cheryl Stuller  30:48

Well, and I want to do a follow up on that. So I would say, Great, come in, and let's talk about it. But then there has to be an action after that. What I don't appreciate in men, because I have a friend who would do this. He would talk and talk and talk and be unhappy, but never changed his situation. And that became our every time we met for lunch topic of conversation, and it never got better or changed. I got tired of talking about that. You've got to if you're going to make the same decision, if you're going to do things the same way. That's a decision. You need to move on. Let's quit talking about it. 

Stasha Boyd  31:27

Right. But I think you would feel the same way about a woman who did the same thing. You're action oriented,

Cheryl Stuller  31:33

I'm very action oriented, yes. 

Stasha Boyd  31:35

And I think I agree with that. 100%. Because I do find it irritating when somebody is like, it's the same problem over and over and over again. It's like, okay, we have to move forward. But that also goes back to general competency, you have to have the competency to solve your own problems. And if you want my advice, or to bounce something off my, off me that Yeah, awesome, man, I'll be there for you. Um, but then go do something. 

Cheryl Stuller  32:00

Go do something to change it if you're not happy. You've got to do that. And I'm living that right now. I'm taking my own advice. 

Stasha Boyd  32:09

You know, and I think that is important. I was, but I would say so that one thing that thing is hard for him is is communication. I don't think that it's really valued. I also think that another thing it's hard for men is these weird expectations. And I've mentioned this before, on the on previous podcasts, I think on relationships and something else. But basically, it's like, women have women, I've that I've observed, have a tendency to bitch about the man. But and just, it's like, oh, my God, I can't believe you did this. Oh, my God. Yeah. And then they have this culture, like, Oh, my God meds. And I'm like, Okay, again, maybe fine, we'll say a lot of men or will even say most men, but we will definitely say all men, but my man because I don't, I don't go for that. But a lot of, of society and people and again, I think this also goes back to sitcoms and television, of the incompetent men, man and the long suffering competent wife. That's become kind of a trope that started like in, you know, the, what were some of those shows, I mean, it's like, I don't watch any of these that comes out with their names of them. But they're always these these sitcoms about this like guy who can't get anything, right. Whereas back in like the 50s, in the 60s, it was, you know, Father Knows Best and Bonanza, and you know, all these things were, were the male characters were competent. 

Cheryl Stuller  33:40

Mm hmm. I have a very competent husband. And but I am also competent and and I think that's the relationship that I would like to see from my friends and more of where there's an equal partnership of communication, having each other's back, mutual respect, you know. 

Stasha Boyd  34:02

But that's one of the skills, I think maybe, and maybe that's what it is, maybe it's that people don't see being a good communicator as being a skill you can improve. A that you should have, regardless of your gender, you should develop good communication skills as just a thing and then you should be competent at it. Again, you don't have to be the best in the world. But it does have to be something that's on your radar. I think it's important. 

Cheryl Stuller  34:25

Absolutely. It's very, very important.

Stasha Boyd  34:27

And what do you think they have it hard in? So what do you think?

Cheryl Stuller  34:31

I think you summed it up. You know, we portray men the especially in Hollywood version of a man, the man that comes in and is physical and doesn't give the woman time to do anything or say anything and takes care of the problem. And then there's no communication. You know, I don't that doesn't that's not sexy to me. That's not what I want and maybe, you know, younger women need to change if if that's a thing for younger women, we might need to look at changing that. Not waiting till you get older  to see the value in that.

Stasha Boyd  35:07

There's actually a whole bunch of stuff like that happening in films right now. And there's actually a Gina Davis, you know, the actress Gina Davis. Okay. Gina Davis, they start a thing called Gina Davis Gender in the Media Institute, I think it's an institute, but where they really could address things about women's portrayal in media, and they have been working on it for a long time. And another young woman came up with something called the Bechdel Test, the Bechdel Test, and her name was Bechdel. But basically, to see if this movie has, it's like, it's not about the number of women. But, it is a little bit, but basically it's saying, okay, are, is there more than one female character? Lead character? Next question. Does that character talk to any other, do those two female characters talk to each other about anything other than the male characters? Is the? Yeah. And then the other one is, is the, does the female character, characters have any agency of their own? Or are they only there to fulfill whatever the mission of the male character is? You know, and it's like, it's a, it's like a series of five questions, but they're really good ones. And, like, one of the, trying to think of the one movie that came out, it was the Mad Max Fury.

Cheryl Stuller  36:21

With Charlize Theron.

Stasha Boyd  36:24

Yes. And there were like, these people who were like, completely up in arms, like going like, that's not a real Mad Max. He's, he's playing second fiddle to this female character. It's like, no, here's the thing, there were multiple female leads, they spoke to each other about things that weren't men, um, the female character had her own wants and desires, and she had her own competency. And there were men who lost their mind about that. They just lost their frickin mind. As opposed to seeing it for being a really good film, you know, especially an adventure film, an action adventure.

Cheryl Stuller  36:56

Here's another thing I really like about men. I like to have a discussion, and it not be this long, drawn out discussion. And then, and then you take action, and you move on, I find that with some of my women friends, there's a lot of chatter and a lot of back and forth, and then not a lot of movement forward. You know, um I, and this is what I liked about my friend Chris. I was able to talk to him, and he would take the emotion out of it. Because he wasn't emotionally related to it. He could talk to me back about, well, maybe he's thinking this, or maybe she's thinking that and, you know, give me a quick perspective. And then we can move on. I love that. I do not like meandering through a conversation or a problem. Let's talk about it. Let's find a solution. And then let's move on and not let this be a thing anymore. And so when it keeps being a thing, that's when you have to look at should I be moving on from this because this continues to be a thing. 

Stasha Boyd  38:04

Yeah, it's continuing to happen. 

Cheryl Stuller  38:06

It's continuing to happen. 

Stasha Boyd  38:08

And I do think that I look at most of the, because even after you know, I had my roommate Mark, I had other, I had worked for some some offices where like I had some very good male bosses that I really liked. I had some that I really did not like, but I had some some good ones I did, like, um, that taught me a lot. So and they were very good at trying to, these bigger bosses were, these guys were very good at trying to teach me something, you know, new, which I felt good about. And they taught me in a way that I responded to, which was basically not soft and nurturing. It was like, Okay, here, do it this way, this, this, this and this. Do you know why? And they would answer. So like you said, it wasn't a trying to get somebody to figure it out. It's like, Well, you know, have you tried it this way, without telling me what they wanted me to do? I'm a very big fan of, and again, maybe I learned, this is something that I developed working with working in the construction is like, tell me what you want me to do. And if you want me to do it in a specific way, show me how. And I will do it that way. And if I'm doing it wrong, show me the right way or tell me something but make it correct. I'm not a big fan of saying oh, well, if you figure it out yourself, it'll really stick. It's like, no, we're trying to get something done. 

Cheryl Stuller  39:11

Yeah. Let's move on. Let's, let's, exactly. Give me direction. Clear, clear direction, and then let's move on. 

Stasha Boyd  39:18

Right. But and I think that's the thing that some some men, and again, I always hesitate about saying all men. But, but some men have a tendency to do that. And they really aren't trying to help you. They're just trying to steamroll you. And because if you say yeah, but what about or if you have a question back, they kind of take that as you don't know what you're talking about. And that's the whole thing like what mansplaining is, it's like I actually had a man ask me what mansplaining was. And I said, it's like, well, basically what mansplaining is, is that if you're having a conversation with a man, and on a topic that you know more about than he does, or, or equal or we might know an equal amount on this particular topic, and you say something And then they try to explain to you why you're wrong. Or, or they, they explain something back and you're like, Okay, on this bigger topic, either I am the expert, or you are not an expert, and I am not an expert. We're still having a conversation here. But then I gave him that explanation. And he told me I was wrong. And I'm like,

Cheryl Stuller  40:24

Thank you, and next. Get the fuck out of my life, then. 

Stasha Boyd  40:31

It's like, I'm just sitting there going, like, oh, the irony, irony rolled down the hill and smashed into this whole conversation. But but that's kind of what it is, I think. And so when it goes back to like the men that I find extremely attractive, it is somebody that can have a really good debate that can have a conversation back and forth. And that if I say something that they disagree with, or they think I'm wrong about, they don't sit there and say, Oh, you're wrong, because but they'll have a discussion.

Cheryl Stuller  40:59

And dismiss you, and then dismiss you. And there's no further conversation about it. 

Stasha Boyd  41:03

Yeah, don't do well with that. 

Cheryl Stuller  41:04

They have to have the upper hand or they have to be always right, or they have to be always this or they have to be always that. And that goes back to that treating you like an equal in a partnership, whether it's a friendship, whether it's a marriage, whether it's work, whether whatever it is, value the talk, value the information, value what you're getting from that person, and don't treat them any differently than equals. How hard is that?

Stasha Boyd  41:31

Apparently, it's pretty hard Cheryl, apparently, that's pretty difficult. Well, because that was the other thing, too. It's like, you know, what, what do you not admire in a man, did we cover that already, kind of?  So basically the thing that you don't like that a man does is like when a man's trying to bully you.

Cheryl Stuller  41:40

So, I don't know if I've told this story before. But I'm gonna call this guy out. And I'm trying to remember the name of his auto shop, but it's where I live for, for my local girls. Don't go to this guy, but his name is Carrie Miller. And I took my son's car to him to get it fixed.  And he gave me a quote, did the job, and then when I went to pick it up, it was $1500 higher. And because I wouldn't pay it, I would only pay him what he quoted me, because there was, there wasn't any reason for the $1500. For it to be higher. He used the engine that he said he was going to use, he used all the parts he said he was going to use it took the amount of time he said it was going to take so there was no reason and he couldn't explain it. I don't think he remembered what he told me. But I had the piece of paper that showed, you know. And this was like four to six weeks it took to get this car back. And because I wouldn't pay it. He immediately turned into a bully and called the cops on me because I was actually sitting in my car calling my attorney friend to say, I've offered to pay what the quote was, I have the quote in my hand, he won't give me my son's car, he won't give me my son's keys to his car. And then he walks out, I'm explaining this and he walks out, I'm in the parking lot in my car, he taps on my window and he says, if you don't leave my place of business right now, I'm going to call the cops and I'm like, why would you call the cops? What have I done? I haven't done anything. I haven't been rude to you. I haven't raised my voice to you. I simply told you I wasn't going to pay you what you wanted me to pay. Well, it ended up we went to court and settled it in court. And so I never saw him again after that confrontation until about a year ago. And I happened to see him and he and I said you don't know who I am, do you? And he goes, No. And I said, I'm the woman you bullied over my son's car. I said you're an asshole. You're a bully and anybody that I can I tell them not to take their vehicles to your place of business. And he just stood there. I felt so good. Closure, and I finally got to you know, a lot of times you don't get that closure. You don't get that satisfaction of saying this is how you treated me, it was wrong. It's not okay to treat anybody like that. Fuck you, dude. What a great day that was.  Yeah, don't bully me. And and that would be true if a woman was trying to do that too. But a man or in his case, I will say it to him. He tried to use his presence and his voice and you know, he got louder. He got closer. He got more domineering. I'm like uh uh. that's not, uh uh. 

Stasha Boyd  44:42

We haven't met apparently. 

Cheryl Stuller  44:44

No. I'm not your typical female that you get to bully around.

Stasha Boyd  44:48

I would say that is, that is true. I was and for me, it's like observing that in people that that I know. It's like and I don't think it doesn't happen to me very often. And usually it kind of gets either shut down before it starts or I just leave. I'm like, I don't think so, I'm out. But I will I'll see a man be rude or obnoxious or bullying to either his wife or his friends or something. And so I find that particular male behavior, because they don't do, and I know it's, they only do it to women, they don't do it to their male friends. So this is definitely a male thing that I see. And I know that they're doing it only because they can to these women who they've either attracted into their lives, or they have are somehow in their life or whatever. And I find that particular trait to be so repulsive. I'm like, I will not, I won't be around it. I won't hang out with those people. I will not, if they're in a group, and we're all gonna be together in a group. I'll be like, oh, wow, look at the time. You know, I gotta go. I would rather not be there.

Cheryl Stuller  45:53

Now, will you say something? 

Stasha Boyd  45:55

Oh, yeah. 

Cheryl Stuller  45:55

Okay, because I would too. Don't treat my friend like that. Don't talk to her like that.

Stasha Boyd  46:00

Yeah. Sometimes though it'll be in a situation where we don't have that relationship. I don't know that person. I don't know this other person. Normally I will say something like, I was like, wow, that's rude. You know, that's just weird and rude. It's like, or I'll call it out by saying it's like, okay, I don't I don't get it. I don't understand why that was funny. Um, but at the same time, it's like, I also know, I'm not going to change the world. And this, the one way you can make some women be more devoted to a horrible man is by criticizing him. And then suddenly, they feel like they have to defend him. And that makes it worse. So just knowing that dynamic, I have a tendency to just kind of stay out of those situations.

Cheryl Stuller  46:36

Yeah. It's a tricky thing, for sure.

Stasha Boyd  46:40

And here's the other thing. Is there anything a man can do that you wish you could do?

Cheryl Stuller  46:47

One thing that really aggravated me with my husband was I think, and I've told this story, I think in fitness where I trained and I trained, and I trained for this half marathon, it was on my bucket list. He didn't do shit. He didn't train, he didn't do anything. He wasn't even going to do it. He wasn't even going to go. All of a sudden, he says he's going to go, and then on the way there he goes, Oh, and by the way, I signed up for it, too. I was furious about that. I was livid. I was livid. I'm, I'm like, how does somebody, I literally trained for this for eight months, and you're going to come along, not even you weren't even going to go and now you're going to run it? Are you kidding me right now?

Stasha Boyd  47:31

How did he do?

Cheryl Stuller  47:32

He did great. That mfer did great. 

Stasha Boyd  47:37

But is that men in general, or is that that man? I know a lot of men who could not have done that.

Cheryl Stuller  47:40

No. It's that testosterone that they have that we don't have as women that is totally infuriating, that they can physically do so much better when you know, just like with CrossFit. I work so hard at that. So hard. And then he can come along and do the same workout and and best me by you know, several, several minutes. Or several several pounds, whatever it is. It's like it's never enough. It's never enough. Oh, and here's one more thing before I move on. From this horrible situation, 

Stasha Boyd  48:18

Lay it out there Cheryl. 

Cheryl Stuller  48:19

Lay it out there. He said Oh, and I'll stay with you. It'll be fun. We're gonna run together. He stayed with me up until like the last half mile and then he took off and left me at the end. I'm like, dude, what? He was like well I wasn't gonna let that guy beat me. But what about me? What about your commitment to me and you know this this grand plan that you have? No, I was left, I was left at the end.  

Stasha Boyd  48:47

Yeah, not left at the altar. You're left at the race.

Cheryl Stuller  48:50

I was left at the end of the race.

Stasha Boyd  48:52

Oh my god. Oh, you poor girl. That's just that's just sad. I would say that I was gonna say pee standing up. I mean that would just be so useful.

Cheryl Stuller  49:04

I don't like it when men pee when they stand up. In your, in your, in your, in my bathroom. Like and get pee everywhere. Do you do you like Is that a thing?

Stasha Boyd  49:16

My man does not get pee everywhere.

Cheryl Stuller  49:18

Oh my god. Okay, well aren't you the lucky one.

Stasha Boyd  49:22

Okay, we're going to like a whole new territory. Ladies. This is a thing. This is, this is actually a thing. 

Cheryl Stuller  49:27

This is a thing. 

Stasha Boyd  49:29

Oh, my God. I have never heard of this. I mean, like little boys, I get it. Drunk people, I understand. But no, just the normal person living in the house. Making a mess in the bathroom. 

Cheryl Stuller  49:41

Yeah. Yeah. I'm not going to call anybody out in particular. 

Stasha Boyd  49:44

No, I yeah, let's let's let's save that for like maybe our third season or something we'll get that's that's

Cheryl Stuller  49:50

Well and to be fair, women when we have to hover don't always make it all the way into the thing and there's stuff on the seat too. So women are, women are messy too, but but

Stasha Boyd  50:03

Oh my god, that's actually a thing. I have learned something new today that I will never be able to unlearn and I don't know how I'm gonna deal with it. 

Cheryl Stuller  50:09

Who is this man that you so luckily live with? 

Stasha Boyd  50:12

Oh my god, I'm telling you I won the damn lottery. 

Cheryl Stuller  50:15

You won the lottery. 

Stasha Boyd  50:17

Oh my god, either that or I am the most sheltered woman ever. Totally the most sheltered woman ever. Um, I totally forgot what I was gonna say, Oh, no. Okay, so that was that was gonna be my thing, which was like pee standing up. Now that I know I'm not gonna go there again. But I was, it is the thing about being just physically better at things. And the number one one is losing weight. Now I know that there are men out there who have who have you know, they have, they have some of the same like hormonal challenges that that I do, you know, members of my family do. But on the whole men, if, you know if my husband wants to cut a few pounds, he like just stops drinking beer for a week and quits eating chocolate. And the next thing you know, it's like he's back where he likes to be. Whereas, and he doesn't have to workout hard. He doesn't do any of that. It's just he just loses weight. And my brother he needed to lose some some weight. He focused on it, he lost all this weight. This happens for most of the men that I know. Whereas I have lived my life trying to lose weight. It has never happened. And I was so and like so so strength, quickness, just the physicality of being able to have an efficient system to not pack on pounds so easily. That's not what their their entire hormonal system is not trying to make them fat, whereas my entire hormonal system is. 

Cheryl Stuller  51:43

Yeah, I agree. Who in Hollywood Do you find really sexy?

Stasha Boyd  51:49

Oh my gosh.

Cheryl Stuller  51:50

Who is your go to guy that you enjoy watching?

Stasha Boyd  51:54

Wow, I don't I haven't been to the movies in so long.

Cheryl Stuller  51:57

I like Jason Momoa. Aqua man. I think he's super super sexy.

Stasha Boyd  52:03

I didn't see Aqua man, but I did see him in-

Cheryl Stuller  52:04

I love the long hair. I even like the man bun. I know a lot of women are like quit doing the man bun. I like the man bun.

Stasha Boyd  52:13

um, I can't, the guy in Fury Road. The guy in Mad Max Fury Road. What was his name?

Cheryl Stuller  52:21

I don't, I don't remember the guy. I only remember Charlize Theron. She was so, she was gorgeous in that movie. She was hot and sexy. 

Stasha Boyd  52:30

She was fabulous. But, no that that actor, I really like him. I like him a lot. And I can't, of course, I don't know a lot of actors because it's so funny because even though I was an actor for a lot of years, I don't follow actors and movies. And I never watch the Oscars. I don't, the Tonys, I don't care. So I wouldn't other names. 

Cheryl Stuller  52:49

Yeah, I think he's really sexy. 

Stasha Boyd  52:51

Yeah, I think was there was anybody else? Okay, here's our era. And ladies out there some of y'all you'll have to be our age to know this one. Sean Cassidy or Parker Stevenson. 

Cheryl Stuller  53:02

Oh Wow. Sean Cassidy maybe. I don't know, I just I really like the muscular athletic man. I really tend to, you know, that's that's my jam. 

Stasha Boyd  53:15

In the 70s we didn't have that guy. We had Sean Cassidy or Parker Stevenson. 

Cheryl Stuller  53:18

Right. Exactly. So we didn't have the, you know, well, like a John Wayne. That rough and tumble. You know, commanding presence. He had a commanding presence.

Stasha Boyd  53:33

In that era. It would be Jimmy Stewart. Jimmy Stewart or James Garner.

Cheryl Stuller  53:37

Okay. I like James Garner. 

Stasha Boyd  53:38

Yeah. So that in that that era, that would be like the kind of person that I found attractive. Yeah. But no, I'm not a big fan of the, when it comes to like what people look like. I like I have a tendency to like people with dark hair over blonde. I have a tendency to like people who have, who are swarthier looking, you know, it's like so it's like the super pale skin, you know, not not really a fan even though that's what I've got. Um, but so that's just kind of a look. But again, for me, what I find super sexy is a person who is interested in me and can communicate with me and talks to me. And they call him like, the sapiosexual the people who are turned on by really smart people. That's kindnof me. 

Cheryl Stuller  54:22

Yeah, an intellectual that you can sit down and have a conversation with and then take his nice hunkin body into the bedroom too? That's awesome. To think about. If Jason Momoa was like that, 

Stasha Boyd  54:35

I think he probably is. 

Cheryl Stuller  54:36

That would be great if he was.

Stasha Boyd  54:38

He probably, I gotta tell you he certainly seems to be well read. And, you know, it's like he is, he's married to 

Cheryl Stuller  54:44

Lisa Bonet. And Lenny Kravitz. I like Lenny Kravitz too.

Stasha Boyd  54:49

But he's not, he's not muscular, sexy guy. 

Cheryl Stuller  54:51

Yes he is. 

Stasha Boyd  54:52

He is?

Cheryl Stuller  54:52

Yeah he is. 

Stasha Boyd  54:53

Oh, I did not know this. 

Cheryl Stuller  54:53

Have you ever seen him without a shirt on? 

Stasha Boyd  54:56

If I have I don't remember this. Okay. Wow. Wow. Yeah, no, I couldn't. I couldn't tell you. I really wouldn't know.

Cheryl Stuller  55:07

Well, your husband is sexy. 

Stasha Boyd  55:08

I think so, and again ladies. There he is. 

Cheryl Stuller  55:10

And he's a good communicator, equal partner. 

Stasha Boyd  55:14

Yeah. 

Cheryl Stuller  55:14

Yeah, he's he's a good guy. He really is a good guy. I love him for you. 

Stasha Boyd  55:19

Yeah, he's wonderful. We like him. 

Cheryl Stuller  55:20

He really is. 

Stasha Boyd  55:21

But I'm looking at our time. We're getting close to our end here. So do we have any other questions that we had here? No, we're, so I would say that we're getting to our last question of the of our show. It's like, you know, so if our listeners just take away one thing from our conversation about, you know, men with the scare quotes around it, men? What do you want them to take away?

Cheryl Stuller  55:42

Um, well, men are a big part of our lives. Number one, and I have two sons. And I have a grandson who is awesome. And my daughter's doing a really good job with him talking about him being able to talk about his thoughts and feelings. He does that really well with her. They have a really good relationship. He does it well with me also. But that's that has come from her. And I'm so proud of her for that, because he is tough when he needs to be, he is very sensitive and empathetic. And he can talk about how he's feeling and and how something made him feel that you did or said. And he has a couple of times, if I've even raised my voice, and he said something to me about it. You know, Mimi that really hurt my feelings when you yelled at me about the bike. Well I'm sorry. 

Stasha Boyd  56:33

He is an exceptional kid. I mean,

Cheryl Stuller  56:35

He is an exceptional kid. 

Stasha Boyd  56:36

For having met him. He's a really exceptional young man. And how old is he now? 

Cheryl Stuller  56:41

He's 13.

Stasha Boyd  56:42

Oh, God, so I don't, I don't even want to think about things like that. 

Cheryl Stuller  56:45

And I'm, I'm super proud of all of the men in my life, including my husband, who whom I will have loved for forever. But I'm proud of my boys and how they treat women and you know, I, I do have a lot of good men in my life. And I and I think that's important to surround yourself, just like we would say, surround yourself with those girlfriends that have your back. Same thing with men.

Stasha Boyd  57:11

And I would say kind of before I get into the ones about my takeaway, we were having a conversation earlier this weekend. And like one of the one of the guys in your life came to say, Hey, you know, mom, my girlfriend doesn't keep the house or do something the way you did, what do I do? And your response was, like, you know, well you need to go have an adult conversation with her, you need to have a discussion. And I'm like, Yes. And part of that discussion would be if she's not doing whatever it is you want her to do, but it's not bothering her, it's only bothering you, then you need to be the one to do it. You know, and I think that it goes back to the whole idea of like, these hidden things that we don't even see, to teach young men that it's like, if there's something in your life, especially if you're partnering with somebody that is not to your liking, then you fix it, don't tell them to fix it. They're not bothered. You're bothered, right? And then maybe by your example, or over time, because I mean, that's with Mike and I that's definitely something that, you know, there were things that he does that I now do regularly, that I never did before. Just because it's

Cheryl Stuller  57:27

It's very important to him? 

Stasha Boyd  57:58

Well, because it's important to him, but now they're important to me, because I see the benefit of it, like making the bed. When I was younger, I never made my bed. I might throw the covers up, but I never like made the bed. And now for the past 20 something years, you know, we get up in the morning. It's like, I don't do it right away. But it's like, I go get dressed. First thing we do I make the bed.

Cheryl Stuller  58:34

Yeah, I do too I was brought up to do that.

Stasha Boyd  58:36

Yeah. And that was and so but it's not because he told me he wanted the bed made. It's because he made the bed. And then I was like okay, peace man. I can make the bed, I can help make the bed. I'll make I like it made. I actually, wow, this is completely superior. And so it took, like, took a couple of months. But yeah, I suddenly the next thing I know it felt like my idea. 

Cheryl Stuller  58:57

Yeah. Of course it did.

Stasha Boyd  59:01

Of course it did, cause that's what women do. But I would say that that is, that is my one takeaway. And for me, it's like we the title of our episode was men in this broad understanding. But I am a firm believer in that there is no one group of character traits that apply to absolutely everyone. But there are certain things that are common enough with that within men that I've observed. And you've observed, that you can generalize to a certain degree. As long as you're always willing to understand that there are exceptions. It's like, not everything that you've ever that's ever been true about everyone you've met before, is still true today. 

Cheryl Stuller  59:40

Right. And going forward you need to to let everybody be an individual and judge them on that. 

Stasha Boyd  59:47

Absolutely. Absolutely. Okay, well, that is I think that's about Is there anything else you want to add? 

Cheryl Stuller  59:53

Nope. 

Stasha Boyd  59:54

What, what is our next topic? 

Cheryl Stuller  59:57

I think we decided on society. 

Stasha Boyd  1:00:00

Yes, we will talk about society we want to talk about, like, you know, the way the world we live in now the way people just are and have to kind of be, what we how we interact, especially when you're talking about like social media and all these influences that we're having in the world. So that's gonna be our topic for next week. And I think that's all I have, but since we're sitting next to each other, Cheryl, I can't say bye Cheryl, cause you're here.  I'm gonna say I can't wait for y'all to cook me dinner.  I am gonna cook dinner. I'm very excited. So we're gonna have a very lovely, lovely dinner. I'm gonna go cook it. Sure. 

Cheryl Stuller  1:00:36

I like to eat. 

Stasha Boyd  1:00:37

Alright everybody. Thank you so much. So glad you're here and we will see y'all next time.

Cheryl Stuller  1:00:42

Have a good week, everybody. Bye.