Advice: When dumb ideas come hard & fast

Ladies, if we had a nickel for every bit of dumbass advice we’ve heard regarding what women in their 50s “need to do!” we could retire rich. Today. And you don’t have to look far. It’s everywhere. 10 THINGS YOU MUST DO NOW! 25 ACTIONS YOU MUST TAKE TODAY!! 50 WAYS TO KICK 50s ASS THIS YEAR!!! Holy exclamation points, Batwoman.
 
This week we scoured the web looking for the worst-of-the-worst (Spend more time in bed! And no, they didn’t mean sex) in the form of well-intentioned (master crossword puzzles!) and way-off-the-mark (Smile more!) advice lists and lo and behold! A list so bereft of good ideas and good sense it rocked us back on our high heels and had us reaching for a double mocktail. So, grab a glass of something soothing while we get riled up. We’re letting loose on bad advice.   

Our last alcohol-free August mocktail/beverage!

 Stasha’s Dragonfruit Kambucha/Strawberry Bubly Fizz

 Into a pretty glass with ice, fill half with your favorite kambucha and half with flavored fizzy water. Add a twist of lime, a few mint leaves, or anything else you’d feel kicks it up a bit. Swirl with a swizzle stick because it’s festive. 

 Iced-tea a la Cheryl

 Into a tall glass with ice, fill half with lightly sweet tea and half with plain water. Add a squeeze of lemon. Stir with a teaspoon. 

Transcript

Stasha Boyd  00:01

Hi there, I'm Stasha.

Cheryl Stuller  00:03

I'm Cheryl.

Stasha Boyd  00:05

And between us we

Cheryl Stuller  00:05

have four kids,

Stasha Boyd  00:07

three businesses,

Cheryl Stuller  00:08

two husbands. And one goal.

Stasha Boyd  00:10

To get to The Point of the Matter.

Cheryl Stuller  00:11

As we've talked about, a lot of people in our age group are divorcing. Partners are passing away. I just told you about my friend who passed away who was two years younger than I am. New relationships, new careers, your children are leaving home. So you've got all this newness in your life. And, and I like to take it from a perspective of talking to somebody that I trust.

Stasha Boyd  00:44

To give people advice, unless they actually asked me for it. Or a younger person, it's like, if it's like a younger person that clearly needs some guidance, like an unpaid, younger, I mean, teenager, I'll be like, I'm gonna advise you to not be spending $500 on some bullshit you don't need. That's what I'm gonna advise that 17 year old to do. Adults can do what they want. Hello Cheryl.

Cheryl Stuller  01:08

Hello Stasha.

Stasha Boyd  01:10

So here we are, for what episode is this? We're like on... 

Cheryl Stuller  01:13

18

Stasha Boyd  01:14

18? Holy cow.

Cheryl Stuller  01:15

I know, can you believe we've come this far? 

Stasha Boyd  01:19

I gotta tell you I am, I am both amazed and pleased and delighted and been getting some some good feedback, too actually. And so one of my friends was over last night. And one of the things that was on our list to talk about was the podcast, which she actually has time to listen to as my friend who was in law school. And we got so busy talking about everything else. We never talked about the podcast. So I'm at the end of my alcohol free August. So I told her we would get together for happy hour on Wednesday, which is September 1.

Cheryl Stuller  01:52

Yes, I'm counting down. We've got one more day in August.

Stasha Boyd  01:56

Exactly. And just so everybody knows, since I am doing the alcohol free. I what I've got tonight is I just have some kombucha, I've got my local grocery store's, dragon fruit, watermelon, kombucha, and I'm mixing that with a little bit of lime Perrier, and it's very refreshing. Had I been a little more heads up, I probably would have stuck a lime in it or something. But I didn't get quite that far. 

Cheryl Stuller  02:17

Awesome.

Stasha Boyd  02:19

And what you got? 

Cheryl Stuller  02:22

I have got lemon tea.

Stasha Boyd  02:25

Very nice, very nice. I'm actually, I will tell you just before we move on to another topic, I really have enjoyed a, and for us alcohol free August has been mostly alcohol free, we did decide that we weren't going to be too draconian about it. But it came down to about one night a week, you know, and one of the nights was when you were down visiting. So that was one that counted. And then another one was like a gathering with some some friends we hadn't seen for a while. So. But I do feel a lot different and a lot better. And I'm probably going to press on with it into September as well keeping things more dialed back.

Cheryl Stuller  03:00

Yeah, I'm definitely going to start drinking again. But it's going to be like I said, on happy occasions, and probably just socially.

Stasha Boyd  03:08

Yeah, big help. So speaking of that, actually kind of leads us into it. So because one of the things about, we're talking today about?

Cheryl Stuller  03:16

Oh, just advice that we should be doing in our 50s.

Stasha Boyd  03:22

Because of women like us in our 50s, you know, we get advice, bombarded you know, from every everything. I don't know, if you're getting the AARP like, you know, magazines being sent to you all the time and the email address from an email, or all the other things. So since we have to tend, I do give people advice. I try not to give people advice, unless they ask actually asked me for it. Or a younger person, it's like if it's like a younger person that clearly needs some guidance, like and by younger, I mean, teenager, I'm like, I'm gonna advise you to not be spending $500 on some bullshit you don't need. That's what I'm gonna advise that 17 year old to do. Adults can do what they want. Unless, unless they ask for my advice. How about you? How do you dole out advice? 

Cheryl Stuller  04:06

Regularly, actually. That's how I dole that out. 

Stasha Boyd  04:12

Don't, don't make me spit out my drink. 

Cheryl Stuller  04:13

You can choose not to listen. But if you're telling me a story about something or somebody I'm like, Well, I would have, or you should of, or you know.

Stasha Boyd  04:24

That is, yeah, I will tell you that, that's pretty, pretty true. That's pretty true for you. Okay, so let's start then. So for our always our first question is why is this important to women in our, this topic important to women in our 50s and I'm going to slow down, I've been practicing that. I'm going to practice it now. Why is it important to women in our 50s and why is this topic important to me? I think it's important to women are 50s because it is the time when everywhere you turn people are telling you what you should do. Magazines, articles, news things. I mean, well intentioned people, not so well intentioned people are spending a lot of time and energy saying, Oh, well, you're in your 50s now, here's what you should do. And, for me, it's important to me because I think you have to know yourself to be able to discern what is and isn't good advice. And I think a lot of people in their 50s, especially women who are trying to figure out some big change that's coming towards them, you know, they kind of will start grabbing at straws, they start listening to anything any idiot says, and, and unless they're really like, tuned into themselves and know their own mind and know what they want to do in the direction they want to do this, this advice that they're getting, can really serve them very poorly.

Cheryl Stuller  05:42

Especially if you've got a lot of changes going on, as we've talked about, a lot of people in our age group are divorcing, partners are passing away. I just told you about my friend who passed away who was two years younger than I am. New relationships, new careers, your children are leaving home. So you've got all this newness in your life. And, and I like to take it from a perspective of talking to somebody that I trust, like you or my best friend, Suzanne. You know, I'll say, this is what I'm thinking, tell me, if I'm on track with that, you know, because you guys take out the emotional side of it for me, and I'm emotionally attached to what I'm saying to you. So it helps me to get a different perspective. And I think that's more helpful than, you know, articles telling you what you should and shouldn't be doing at this age, because I'm actually in better shape, financially, physically, mentally than I ever have been at 55. Because I have had years behind me and I have worked really hard at our business along with my husband. So we've gotten financially secure. I know who I am, I kind of always have, but I've gotten more vocal in who I am. So I can express that better now. I don't care what other people think, that's gotten better.

Stasha Boyd  07:14

Yeah.

Cheryl Stuller  07:15

So yeah, let's see the list because I think this is going to be rather amusing. 

Stasha Boyd  07:23

Well, I would add one thing to that, I would say that one of the things about you know, getting advice from from people who you know, who you trust, I get advice for people that I want the advice from them, it's like there are some people that I love dearly, I would never ask them for financial advice. I love, have some people that I love dearly, I would never ask them for relation advice, relationship advice, you know, it's like, okay, that's not what they do. That's not where they're super successful. Then I have people who are just life friends who just, I just think they know me. They know my personality, they know my family dynamics, they know all of that. And that person, I might sit down and go, hey, I've got I've been having this thing. You know, let's I want to chat about it, you know, for you to kind of what are you observing? What are you seeing, and like you said, that person is not emotionally invested. Other than my happiness- 

Cheryl Stuller  08:12

And got your back. 

Stasha Boyd  08:14

Right, they've got my back, they've got my best interests at heart, they're gonna try and help me see something that I might be missing because I am so attached, or something that I might be missing, because I just don't want to see it. And those friends are invaluable. But I say we just need to get to this list because we did kind of go through, we found the list. And we marked some things that we just we saw that, that somebody was advising and the one of the writers that we kind of stumbled across. I will tell you this ladies, anytime you get here's the research tip number one, whenever you see an advice article in a magazine or online, scroll down to where the writer is. Click on their name, and go find out something about them. Because the thing we found out about this, one of these articles is the woman who wrote it is 35. And I'm like, Okay, well, that explains a little bit. So I'm...

Cheryl Stuller  09:02

How you gonna be 35 and telling me at 55 what I should be doing with my life. Let's, let's hear what Miss 35 wants to say to us.

Stasha Boyd  09:11

Well, first thing this 35 has said to us was she said that we need to conquer a long held fear. Conquer a long held fear. And I'm listening to this and I'm going okay, that was that was your number one. It set my teeth on edge right away. I'm like, No, you don't conquer long held fears. Honey, you learn to move forward with your fears. You know, that's an emotional reaction. It's like if you're afraid of something, it's like you're not going to magically be unafraid. It's like you're you're, is it a fear of heights? Okay, well, maybe you want to move forward with that. Or maybe it's something that's not bothering you. So why do you need to go conquer this fear.

Cheryl Stuller  09:53

I have a big fear of when we went to Hawaii, there's this place called Three Peaks on Oahu. And they're at the top. Or they come to a sharp peak, like a knife's edge. And they have just this little trail. I'm afraid of heights, and I'm especially afraid of heights where you're exposed. There's nothing on either side, the wind is heavy. I don't want to conquer that. I am, I'm in a position where I don't want to live through another fear that I don't need to live through. There's no reason for me to be up on Three Peaks, and being terrified. She said to conquer a long held fear.

Stasha Boyd  10:38

Yeah. And I would add to that, you know, that that thing about, you know, if somebody says, like, Oh, well, you need to go do this, because it's bothering me. It's like, I wish you would get over your fear of heights, Cheryl, that way you and I could go hike up Kilimanjaro or something, it'd be like, no, my, my fears what I want to do. That's, that's me. My husband is also afraid of heights. He's not a fan of heights at all. But we do a lot of things where there's like heights involved. But what we do is like, he walks where he wants to walk, and I walk where I want to walk. It's not like we, and I don't worry about it. I'm not concerned with it, it doesn't in any way, diminish him or exalt me. It's just something that's different about the two of us. So that would just kind of set so so ladies, here's the thing, evaluate. It's like if you if you're something that you're afraid of that you want to get over, by all means, knock yourself out, find yourself somebody to help you, etc, etc. But don't feel like you know, oh, man, I really got to go get over this thing that's been holding me back. That's some bullshit. Yours was the next one. You, your's was somebody who was saying, you need to start a book club.

Cheryl Stuller  11:48

And a lot of these, okay, and it's so surprising that she's 35 How boring is her life, that she's telling us to start a book club? I think that's boring. Number one, I and you, you guys know I'm action oriented. I'm competitive. For me to sit down and think about mulling over a book. You know, we used to play, I have a group of girlfriends that we used to play a game, I forget what it's called now, because we never played the game. When we got together, we drank and we talked. That's what I would be doing at this freakin book club. I would be drinking and talking about life, you know, not about the book.

Stasha Boyd  12:31

And here's the thing, I am in a book club. And I had never been in a book club before. Before two of my friends said you know, they had always wanted to start a book club. And they asked me if I wanted to be in it and I'm like, I've never been in a book club. And I like to read and I love these chicks. I will tell you this, they're they're not boring. And I'm not boring. I mean, there's a lot of things that I do. But I love to read. I'm a voracious reader. I mean, it's like anytime I'm not doing anything else, I am probably reading something. And so for me, I'm like, oh, wow, this is gonna be cool. Because, you know, I do read books. And I have certain styles that I like, it'd be kind of cool to have somebody that we can have like a conversation about a particular book. And one of the nice things about this book club is it is you know, the the gal who the the two gals that hosted. One of them is like World's Most Amazing Cook. The other one is like little miss event planner. And between the two of them, it is just a fabulous party every single time. And it is interesting, though, because I am probably, I am not really, like a lot of the ladies in the book club, I'm a little bit different. I mean, a little bit politically different, a little bit, you know, views different and whatnot. Even in genre of book. I'm a little bit different. Um, but I'll tell you, I've been having I've been having some fun, I really enjoy it. I don't know if I would be with somebody else's book club. But again, going back to the why that that kind of bit of advice. Know yourself. It's like for me, I'm like, yeah, I'm a curious person, I want to try this. Whereas for you, it's like, you know right away, this is not your jam. 

Cheryl Stuller  14:05

No. What percentage of time that you're at this book reading club thing? Do you actually talk about the book?

Stasha Boyd  14:14

I'd say probably about 35% or so.

Cheryl Stuller  14:18

Okay, that's my point.

Stasha Boyd  14:20

Yeah.

Cheryl Stuller  14:21

I would rather get together with you and your chef buddy and your event planner buddy and talk to you about you. You know, I want to know what's going on with you. What have you been up to? You know, what do you think about this? What do you think about that?

Stasha Boyd  14:34

That's what the other, that's what the other 75% is, 65%. Because that's, it's gonna start with the food and our, the name for our group is Reading Between the Wines, which I love. It's, it's basically it's wine and it's incredible food. And you do get together because the first thing you do talk about is each other and what's going on and, and I said there are like I said, there are two or three people in there I know pretty well, several that I know from the perifery, kind of like from this, this group of people and I like so getting to know them a little bit better is fun. Some people I don't know very much at all, but that's okay. You know, it's just a book club, we just get together once a month. Um, and then it's kind of interesting. So you know, and if I don't, if I start reading a book, and I don't like it, I don't finish that book. I'm not gonna read a book against my will. 

Cheryl Stuller  15:22

Basically, you're getting together for a book, but you're really doing what I just said, and you're socializing. And you know, you're using the book as an excuse to get together, basically.

Stasha Boyd  15:35

We're using the get together as an excuse for the book. It's the, it's the gathering that's the fun part of it. 

Cheryl Stuller  15:40

I know. That's what I'm saying.

Stasha Boyd  15:42

Yeah, but that's the thing, it's not either or. Yeah, but this is the same chick that I met, you know, to go for a walk the other day, you know, it's like, it's and we, she and I kayak together. So it's like, we have the fitness and the outdoorsy stuff, too. And we have the book. 

Cheryl Stuller  15:59

Yeah, I gotcha. 

Stasha Boyd  16:00

For me, I think it's kind of like a wide wide thing. Okay, so what so here's my next one. Speaking of animals, here's my next one. And this just really kind of set my teeth on edge. They're advising people, women in their 50s to get a pet. Adopt a pet. Now I, see here's the thing. You're not an animal oriented person. And you know, for you to say to somebody like you to go adopt a pet that is actually cruel to the pet. Honestly, that's animal cruelty. Not, not that Cheryl's cruel to animals. It's just that she's not an animal oriented person.

Cheryl Stuller  16:30

I'm totally not.

Stasha Boyd  16:32

Yeah,

Cheryl Stuller  16:33

I did get a dog after my youngest left for the military. I thought, Oh, I need something. I quickly, within probably six months said, Oh, my God, this dog needs to go out. He needs to be walked he needs to be bathed. What the hell was I thinking? I gave him to my hairdresser who, who is in love with him. So it was a good thing. But no, no. 

Stasha Boyd  17:01

Again, going back to know yourself, it's like, you know, you're not going to.... If somebody says adopt a pet or somebody advises someone to adopt a pet. For fuck's sake, you, you're in your 50s, you already know if you're an animal person or not. If you're not an animal person, don't get an animal. Don't, because again, and again I am I am hardcore. Like I said, when it comes to like folks who don't take care of their animals don't take care of their pets. I am not nice, I am not remotely kind. I will not be patient. I will not sit there and be understanding if someone is in any way mistreating an animal, especially one they adopted, and not even by, mistreating it by like, abusing it, but simply by not taking it for walks, not giving the animal exercise, not giving it the appropriate amount of affection. It's like, no, that's a living, breathing creature with with thoughts and ideas. It deserves more respect than that. So to say just like you know, offhandedly. You know, oh, go get yourself a pet, it'll make your life so much richer. It's like, if you're a pet, if you're an animal person. I know a lot of people our age and older who had who do have dogs or cats that do give them a lot of fulfillment. But they knew they were a pet person before they adopted the animal.

Cheryl Stuller  18:17

And my framework on that is, I am finally to the point where my kids are grown, my grandson is older now. Why would I want to take on more responsibility where I would have to be at home at certain times of the day, I would have to get a sitter when I wanted to travel. You know, I don't want to be in that space. I want to be free to do what I want to do when I want to do it finally at 55, you know.

Stasha Boyd  18:47

And I think that's also kind of a core difference. Because like you said, you had four kids, we had no kids, we have pets, and for us, you know, again, I think this is really important because I do tell people that there is one friendship ending conversation, somebody can try and raise with me, and I will give them one warning, and there is no second chance. And that is somehow implying that there's something unworthy of me because I don't have children. You know, when you don't have kids, you would never understand. Go fuck yourself. Oh, it's like, well, if you had kids, you wouldn't be so crazy about your animals. Again, please go fuck yourself. Because no one knows truly why another woman doesn't have children. You don't know. Even if they've told you. Even if they said it. They might be lying to you. They might be lying to themselves. They might be keeping deep down an incredibly, incredibly painful circumstance, you just don't know. So for someone to offhandedly refer to a person without children, as you know, in some kind of derogatory way. I will I will go thermonuclear on that person. So anyways, we're gonna get off the pet thing because I can feel myself getting a little bit riled. So your next one though was kind of a biggie for you. So Cheryl's got the next one, which is learn to garden.

Cheryl Stuller  20:04

Okay, so again, this chick is 35. I feel like we're being put out to pasture. Like, we can't handle anything hard. I, I'm, learn to garden, I don't understand that one. 

Stasha Boyd  20:20

I think it was, like, you know, kind of getting in touch with nature was her thing or something. Um, but, um, but it's like, and the thing is, I think it hurts her text, she says something like, you know, learn, a way to reduce your grocery bills. And those are the most expensive fucking tomatoes you're ever going to eat in your life. I'm sorry, we garden, we have a garden. And it's like, no learning to garden is not a cheap hobby. I'm sorry. It's just not. Um, if you want, again, if you want to garden, if you want to get into like, you know, whether you have a patio or a balcony, or a backyard or whatever you want to do, and you think you're gonna have fun with it. Well, that's just awesome. Again, go knock yourself out. But like you said, the way she puts it in there is like, this is clearly a person who has never been on a farm. For years Mike had talked about wanting to do this garden. And I'm like, dude, you are on your own. Because I grew up, you know, at our place, we all we have the seven acres. And they would almost always plant a full quarter acre garden. And that doesn't sound very large. But it's huge. And all of the families, it's like, it was supposed to be mom and dad, Granny and Granddaddy, my great grandmother, aunts and uncles, cousins, second cousins. Everybody's supposed to come and work the garden. We're all going to come work the garden. Well, guess what? Everybody didn't come and work the garden, you know who did work the garden? Me and my brother and my mother and my father. And so I'm like, No, this is, this is not, I didn't want to do it for that reason. But you know, now that we're into it, you know, we're having a good time and having some fun with it. But this whole idea that it's just some kind of pastoral little pastime. Honestly, what is wrong with folks?

Cheryl Stuller  22:05

It's really hard. Even if you're talking about just plants, the upkeep of weeding it and cutting them back and making sure they're watered. I mean, again, it's like having a pet. You're having to check in on it daily and maintain it. Why would I want that in my life at this point?

Stasha Boyd  22:26

Yeah. And actually, that's true. One of the reasons why Mike and I can do this now is because in this like post COVID world, we don't travel as much as we used to. And there was a time when you know, we were gone, you know, at least one to two weeks out of the month. There's no way we could have had a garden. Also, we ended up, we had dogs when we, we had the dogs before we started our company. And then after we started and we were traveling so much it was it was very hard. We were very fortunate, my parents, at that point in time loved to take care of the the grand dogs as it were, and they could go up to the farm and they could run and play with their dogs. It was a lot of fun. Um, but as they got older, that became harder and harder. And and now my parents are in their 80s they don't want to be grandmom to granddogs, they don't want any of that. So we have cats now. So we try and select an animal for your lifestyle. You're trying to select any living thing for your lifestyle. I mean, but please, this girl like never turned a spade of dirt in her life. So yours was the next one, yours was like. The next one was also, finish a New York Times Sunday crossword Cheryl, what what got under your skin about that?

Cheryl Stuller  23:37

Oh my god, it's hard for me to sit down for an hour for this podcast. And you want me to sit down and think about a crossword puzzle. On a Sunday, I would rather be out skiing or hiking or going for a run or doing CrossFit. I mean, I just I don't understand encouraging people to sit around and do crossword puzzles, unless you're like older and and that's your jam now as you're sitting around a lot.

Stasha Boyd  24:08

Now, here's the thing, crossword puzzles again, but it's like it's not just keeping your body fit but keeping your brain fit. And crossword puzzles, learning languages, learning something new, especially especially puzzles, mental puzzles are very good at keeping your brain sharp. And so when it comes to like doing a crossword or doing crossword puzzles in general, yeah, you should do something mental to make sure that your brain is also as elastic and as supple and as you know, still eager for creativity and eager for problem solving as things were before. So so a New York Times crossword puzzle is a fantastic thing to do. Any crossword puzzle, quite frankly, is a fantastic thing to do. If you know if you're an intellectual person, or actually you kind of need to keep your brain in gear, something problem solving is important. But by something problem solving. That's the key. It could be a crossword puzzle. It could be building something, it could be doing a craft, it could be doing. Um, it could be working in your shop, it could be repairing a motorcycle, it could be anything that makes your brain work. When they put the New York Times there, it was almost as if you know, if you really want to do something truly smart, you'll finally finish the New York Times crossword puzzle. As if I hadn't been doing New York Times crossword puzzles for years. It's like, why is this something that a 50 year old, it's, it's written to me in such a way that it assumes that everyone who's reading this article, or everyone who's heard this advice, this has never occurred to them.

Cheryl Stuller  25:40

Or that we're 80 years old, and we need to slow things down and sit around on a Sunday and do a crossword puzzle, I'm sorry. There are, like you said, and thank you for saying that there are other ways to challenge your brain that doesn't involve sitting down and doing a crossword puzzle. And that's I would rather do something more action oriented. 

Stasha Boyd  26:00

Well, and that's a difference of preference, you would prefer to do something else, whereas somebody else who's equally as capable and intelligent would prefer to do the crossword puzzle. A preference is a difference. That's just a difference in understanding how you want to live your life. There's nothing inherently wrong with doing a crossword puzzle. And there's nothing inherently old. I mean, there are a lot of young people who are really, really good at these things. They're games, that's like somebody who's really good at playing chess, because that's the other thing. They could have easily said, learn to master chess. But what if you're in your 50s, and you don't like chess, or like you, you don't care for like the the more settled kind of games. Um, the advice should have been, do something to challenge your mind. Whether it's the crossword puzzle, or it's solving a problem, or it's something. That's the advice that they're, that they, that this well intentioned person, I think, I'm going to assume, meant to give.

Cheryl Stuller  26:57

You know what I do to challenge my brain and what I did for the last three days, I rode my motorcycle.

Stasha Boyd  27:04

Yeah, and that's one way

Cheryl Stuller  27:05

Yes, I think doing something like that riding a motorcycle, where you have to be so aware of your surroundings and what everybody else is doing, and the road conditions and everything that's stimulating for your brain. And that's my jam.

Stasha Boyd  27:23

Yeah, and I and again, I think for our listeners, you know, the the point that I want to make is that it doesn't matter what your thing is. And again, don't let anybody denigrate your thing. You know, if you're into the crossword puzzles, be into them crossword puzzles, if you're into motorcycles be into those motorcycles, but don't denigrate somebody else's thing. It's like, know yourself, know what you do, and move forward with it. So the next one, though, that you got a lot of them like in a row here. So your next one was, actually let's skip ahead, so we get some of mine: learn to appreciate wine. That one got under your skin. 

Cheryl Stuller  27:56

Oh, my God, I, who doesn't appreciate alcohol number one. Why would we have to learn to appreciate it? And I appreciate vodka. I don't appreciate wine. I appreciate vodka. So again, just I'm I guess I'm a little edgier than other people. And I, was I denigrating crossword puzzles. I hope I wasn't.

Stasha Boyd  28:22

You were degrading crossword puzzles. You were, you basically said that they were only for old people and that, you know, 

Cheryl Stuller  28:28

Okay, jeeze.

Stasha Boyd  28:29

Yeah. But again, I think that is it's an important thing, it's like to remember that just because something that you prefer or I prefer is not something somebody else would prefer. That's a big thing.

Cheryl Stuller  28:37

I guess it's more I guess it's more how this article is coming off that's bothering me. It seems to be these tame things that she wants us to start doing. I think I have more of a problem with that than, yeah. So that's where that kind of exasperation is coming from.

Stasha Boyd  28:56

Oh, and this is where you and Mike have talked about this, too. We have a local community group center, and they do and we get we get a quarterly thing about what's going on at the community rec center, and they offer classes and all sorts of stuff. Well, one of the sections is for the seniors, active seniors 50 plus. And it's directed to me and my husband, Mike, and it's like were bicycles and motorcycles and whatever. And these classes are things like you know, Chair yoga. And I'm like, I got no problems if there's chair yoga and Bikram yoga, if there is a knitting group and the bicycling group, if there is a, you know, book club and a fight club, you know, I think that's the thing. It's like, it's deciding that somebody who's 50 years or older, is sedate. 

Cheryl Stuller  29:46

Exactly. That's my that is my whole point. And by the way if you're into crossword puzzles, make them about sex and then you have to act out if you if you feel they didn't get it right you have to act it out. You know, that would be my jam. I could get into that.

Stasha Boyd  30:02

I think I think you're like we're seeing a theme develop Cheryl, but the thing was in their article, they were about learning to drink wine. They said, you know, if you like to drink wine, make an effort to actually learn more about them, you know, to learn about varietals, and to learn these different things, you know, to kind of like up your game is what they're suggesting is that, you know, if you're, if it's something you already enjoy, get better at it. And I think that's actually good advice. If there's something you like doing already, like you said, wines, you might like vodka. So you know, expand your under your knowledge of vodkas. If you like wines and books, find out more about your red wine. So why, what is the difference between a Merlot and a Cabernet, you know, up your game. I think that is great advice, up your game, whatever it is that you're into, that you've been doing, that you've enjoyed for a long time. And you've always wanted to do it know a little bit more, but you've just never had the time. I think now is a really good time because you're young enough and fit enough and engaged enough to really get into it. And to do something about it.

Cheryl Stuller  31:06

Yeah, all right. I still think appreciate wine is freaking ridiculous.

Stasha Boyd  31:20

Yeah, I think that's the thing is like, if you're, the way it sounds to you is like appreciate wine over something else. And I think that's the, the article actually starts off if you like to drink wine, you know, so it kind of starts with presuppositions, you already like it. And that's kind of where I gave her the benefit of the doubt was like, okay, honey, what you really meant to say was whatever you like, let me let me fix it for you. That's gonna be kind of my thing. Actually, my thing was like that that was on the next on the list was learn to cook. 

Cheryl Stuller  31:55

Oh, my God. 

Stasha Boyd  31:56

I'm like, honey, if you're in your fifties-  

Cheryl Stuller  31:58

I'm rolling my eyes right now. 

Stasha Boyd  32:00

Yeah, you if you're in your 50s you already know whether you like to cook or not. And as learning to cook, it's like, No, no, if you wanted to learn to cook, you would have done so by now.

Cheryl Stuller  32:13

Yeah, my kids would have starved. I'm, I'm 55 and my kids are older. Why would I learn to cook now again, I would rather go out to a restaurant and meet with friends. Than cook for myself, you know?

Stasha Boyd  32:30

Well, and it presupposes that this has just never occurred to you before. You know that somehow feeding yourself or others, that is not a problem that's already been solved in your life. I'm sorry, if you're in your 50s you know where you stand on cooking versus not cooking. You know where you stand on you know, dining in or dining out at home or dining in or dining out. You have all that knowledge. You don't, again, you know, going back to like the previous one about appreciating wine. If you're already a cook, if you already know you enjoy cooking and you want to up your game a bit. Yeah, man, go do that. I mean, I do I subscribe to these masterclass things. And so I watch these videos from these world famous renowned chefs. And I do learn something new. And I appreciate that because I already liked to cook. But that's not saying to me learn to cook. That's not saying to somebody like you who is well aware that you don't like to cook. Oh, Cheryl you need to go learn to cook. Oh, piss off? No, absolutely not. Pick the next one.

Cheryl Stuller  33:37

Oh, after you learn to cook, Stasha, at 55 you need to create a signature dish.

Stasha Boyd  33:44

Yeah. Yeah.

Cheryl Stuller  33:48

Okay, defend that one.

Stasha Boyd  33:52

Well, and their thing was like, Okay, now that you've done that, create a signature dish. And I'm like, again, you're, if you're in your 50s, you've already got that down. You already know what you're, if you like to cook, you already have a signature dish. Can we assume some competence here. There is that thing that you make really good if you like to cook, and if you don't like to cook, you're not going to learn to cook. You sure aren't going to get a signature dish now you might end up with like, you know, a signature restaurant that you like to go to? Or you might have a signature thing on the menu you like to order. But um, but no, I think it's just, it's just too much of an assumption of, of a lack of self awareness. That just bothers me. It's like, ladies, I'm sorry, if you are in your 50s and you are really on the fence about whether or not you want to cook or you don't want to cook, please send us a message. And tell us all about that because I want to hear about that. I don't know a single person in their woman in their 50s who doesn't know where they stand on cooking.

Cheryl Stuller  34:53

I agree. Totally.

Stasha Boyd  34:55

Yeah. Next.

Cheryl Stuller  34:59

Try therapy. I don't know what that is all about, I guess, because we're 50 now we're depressed. And we're thinking about the second half of our life, and we need to go into therapy. 

Stasha Boyd  35:15

I always think, you know, to me, it's like, therapy is like, if you are a person who has like got to this point in your life, and you've never been to a therapist, and you're struggling, and you're struggling with having conversations with a spouse, or your family or friends, if you feel like you're just not getting where you want to go, then I got to tell you therapy is one of the most valuable things I've ever done with my time or my money. I think it's a good thing, when there is a problem to solve. But to randomly say to somebody, oh, get some therapy.

Cheryl Stuller  35:47

I know. And I and I want to make clear that I'm not saying that therapy is not valuable. I'm in therapy right now. You know, I'm not saying that I'm saying it's the framework that this particular chick is coming from. It's, it's very flippant, it's very, you know, unaware of where we are in life, I think that bothers me. 

Stasha Boyd  36:14

That, I gotta tell ya, that's the key part. It is that, a lot of this advice. And not just in this article, I don't want to pick on this one person completely. But a lot of the articles that I see are very flippant, they don't start with the assumption of competence or experience. And that's, that's problematic. So for all of you writers out here, we're writing these kinds of lists sicles, which is, you know, basically a long list of shit other people ought to do to, like, make their lives better or something. Um, when you write it, right across the top of your paper, first, my reader is competent, and my reader is experienced. And then write your whatever you're going to write. If you start writing something that said, that says that assumes incompetence or inexperience that they don't know their own mind, then please, you know, hit Delete on your key on your keyboard, wad up that piece of paper, whatever you have to do and start the fuck over.

Cheryl Stuller  37:07

And don't be condescending. You know?

Stasha Boyd  37:10

That's for us. Yeah, we've- 

Cheryl Stuller  37:11

Especially, especially as women in our 50s, I think we're very aware of who and what and where we are in life. And this list is very condescending.

Stasha Boyd  37:23

Yeah, I will have to say that is kind of a condescending one, I am going to come to one that's important to you. And then because I want to get to one that's important to me. So your next one was have a family reunion.

Cheryl Stuller  37:38

Again, um, well, in my particular case, my family, most of them have passed away, you know, at this stage in my life, my, the older family that I have is, and they don't want to get together anymore. It's it's a lot of work, you know, and they're older. And it's, I would say, instead of maybe a family reunion schedule, to go see family and travel to them. And don't make it such a big deal where you're having to put on all this work to get together if, especially if it's not something your family has normally done throughout life, you know.

Stasha Boyd  38:22

Yeah, cuz it does make a real big assumption about family dynamics, you know, and that the only reason you're being you're not close with your family. It's just golly, gee, no one's ever thought of having a family reunion before. And it's like, no, there are a lot of families that are different. Some of them are separated by by miles. Some of them are separated by emotions, some of them are separated by finances. It's like, I don't know about if they've ever done a family reunion, but them bitches can be expensive, especially if people have to travel long distances to get together, you know, to say it in such a way, I would say it's like, you know, if there are people in your family that you miss, and that you are saying, Man, I miss talking to so and so. Reach out to that person. Figure out how you can have your version of a little family reunion, but but again, experience and competence. You know your family, you know yourself. If this is going to be good, do it. If it's not, don't feel like you know, you're somehow less than because, you know, you're not out there scheduling these, these gigantic family reunions.

Cheryl Stuller  39:25

Yeah, absolutely. Know your family. I think that's, Brian's family has a big family reunion every single year, but that's something they have done the whole 30 years that we've been married, it's been like that every single year. My family is different. So.

Stasha Boyd  39:41

Exactly. Which brings us to like the one that really kind of like just, oh, it really went. As soon as I saw it, I went what, what the hell is she talking about? This one was make vegetables non negotiable in every meal. And I saw that I'm like, What am I 10? Again, this is not like I don't know, anything. Oh my god, yeah, no, this is this is this is some bullshit advice and bless this person's heart. Now I will say that when I saw this one, I know that this is not the average thing that a person says in one of these listicles. But a lot of times what these advice lists will say is some version of you need to eat better. Mm hmm. Everybody, everybody alive, at least in the US is aware of dietary advice. Yes, we all know that we need to, you know, eat more vegetables, you know, don't eat so much fatty foods, all of this different, you know, life advice. But this one felt so finger waggingly condescending, that I was thinking No, no, no, no, no, no, this is not. Again, to have a little self awareness. Folks, sit down and look at your diet. Are you happy with it? Does it make you feel good? Does your body function the way it's supposed to? Do you have health problems that are associated or because of how you eat? If you do and you want to live longer, or you want to live better, by all means make a change. But I don't know anyone who was ever any adult who's ever changed their eating habits because somebody said you need to do this.

Cheryl Stuller  41:20

And by just talking about vegetables, there's so much more to your diet than that. That is important. So it's just. Oh, my God. Yeah. What do you think we're 10 again, exactly, that's another one that that falls into that category.

Stasha Boyd  41:37

And I'm going to skip the next two that you have, because it kind of goes back to the whole thing about you know, drinking wine or whatever. But the one you had after that the one that I had after take up painting was learn to surf.

Cheryl Stuller  41:51

Okay, now I'm going to take issue with this one because I, I did learn to surf and I did it, you know, in my, in my early 50s. So that, again, is an action oriented thing that's going to be I'm very physical. So that's going to be great for me. But what do you think about it?

Stasha Boyd  42:11

Well, I think a couple things, because you're talking about wakesurfing, right, you know, on your boat, and you're the lake, you have your lakehouse on right?

Cheryl Stuller  42:20

Well, that and we took surfing lessons in Hawaii.

Stasha Boyd  42:25

Okay. So, first of all, the vast majority of people in this country do not live near a beach where you can surf. The other majority people in this country do not live on a lake with easy access to a boat and wake surfing.  This one is tossed out with such an was such an absolute nonchalant thing. And what they what she said about it was basically, you know, who says you have to be young to learn how to ride the waves. And again, to your point, that's absolutely true. And to my husband's it's like, you know, being 50 is not absolute in your 50s does not mean you're suddenly incapable of doing something that requires more fitness. But if somebody says to a person who's in their 50s, or 60s or whatever, it's like, oh, yeah, man, you can go surf, you know, learn to surf. You don't know that. You don't know that they could learn to surf, you don't know that that would be something they want to do. And there are a lot of people in their 50s, for whom learning to surf would be an unmitigated disaster. But what could you know, rather than learn to surf, either a walk on the beach or you know, learn to ride a bike or you know up your biking game or lift some weights are something that you know, that they would want to do, but surfing itself, in such a way that it's like, you know, it's a great way to have fun and get fit in your 50s as if the only thing that's stopping someone is that it just hadn't occurred to them.

Cheryl Stuller  43:56

That's your big thing about this whole list is that it had not occurred.

Stasha Boyd  44:00

Yeah. Which by the way, which leads me to my next one is like the next bit of, and we're gonna have to wrap it up soon since we're kind of getting into our hour here. But the next one and I again, it's just this this nonchalant way of approaching Oh, you're in your 50s you should remodel your home. Are you insane? Are, have you ever remodeled a home? Have you ever done so with your spouse? Do you know how much money that is? You know how much disruption that is? Like you said, You're finally you know, got the kids gone? Why would you want to tear up your entire house? That is a marriage ending nightmare. If you are not really, really prepared for what you're getting into. It's hard enough when younger people in the 30s and 40s remodel homes, you start getting into your 50s and 60s. Again, if you're really into it, it's something you've always wanted to do. Awesome. But to just say, oh well you're 50 now you should go remodel your home.

Cheryl Stuller  44:55

Well, and that depends on I we just did a big remodel two years ago. And then we still need to remodel our bathrooms, they're outdated the ones upstairs. So if you're talking about that, and you want to make it more marketable, then yeah, and, and it might be too, you've got the money now that you're older and more established financially. So now you get to do something like that. 

Stasha Boyd  45:23

Now, that's true that that is a good point. Because like, I have some some friends that are across like, live in our neighborhood. And now they finally their their daughter has, like, you know, gone to college and has moved on with her life. And you know, and they did, they sacrificed a lot to like, make sure that, you know, she had this fantastic life. They lived in their house a lot of years. And they are finally remodeling it into the dream home that that, you know, the Mrs. really wanted and it's beautiful. And it's all the things and so in her case, I'm like I definitely can see that I think that's probably a very good perspective. Now that you have the time the money, you know, hopefully some wisdom and patience. I don't know.

Cheryl Stuller  46:01

Yeah, and it has to make financial sense. It has to be something that you'll get a return on if you sell it. So just keep that in mind too.

Stasha Boyd  46:10

Your next one was go camping somewhere beautiful. That was really some advice somebody gave, like now that you're in your 50s go camping somewhere beautiful.

Cheryl Stuller  46:17

Well, that is it's like the gardening thing. Because I can't we camped as kids. I mean, that's what we did for entertainment, you know, and it's a lot of work. It's a lot of work. And you know what I would rather be in a five star hotel being taken care of having a nice bed with no mosquitoes having to cook myself. And I have friends that love to camp and you go with your bad self. But I'm just saying for me. And I can think I think you can see the theme for me is I'm finally at a place in my life where I want things to get easier, not harder. And that, camping is hard. I don't want that in my life.

Stasha Boyd  47:00

And I think for me, I love I like the idea of people going camping. Now for me, if I'm going to go camping again, it's going to be glamping. I'm going to, I'm going to be in the situation where I get my bags, somebody carries them to my tent. The meal is prepared around the fire that's already roaring, there's no logs I have to gather I'm all excited about that. But I think that that for me that goes back to something that is as if camping is something that you can just up and go do. You need to work. Okay, and it's camping requires skill, camping requires a certain level of preparation. Um, you know, again, if you're a camping person, if you enjoy that type of thing, by all means, and the idea that a person who enjoys camping, doesn't think that everywhere they're camping is beautiful. is kind of weird. What do you mean go camping someplace beautiful. Every place people go camping is beautiful. It's in nature. That's why they're there. 

Cheryl Stuller  47:53

You wouldn't go, you wouldn't want to go to someplace that's like... 

Stasha Boyd  47:57

No, look we're overlooking the cesspool. No, nobody does that, you know of course where you go is beautiful. I think she's like thinking go somewhere, camping someplace exotic I think she like she said I think her she like put in on Alaska's Glacier Bay State Park or, you know, and again, if you've got the means Oh my god, by all means, and if that's your thing? Absolutely. But let me tell you something. First time campers Do not be at, need to be out in the nowheresville Alaska glacier in Alaska.

Cheryl Stuller  48:30

Right.

Stasha Boyd  48:31

It's like you need to be an experienced camper up there. Um, Now, again, not not all the campsites. I don't want to tell anybody that you know, I'm intimately familiar with all of the campsites in Alaska. I am not. But I do know that it's like, if it's something that you're in your 50s. And you said, Man, I've always wanted to go camping. I would, I would say it's like, yeah, find that. Find somebody who's experienced at it. Or if you have a friend who's good at it, go learn from them. But going back to that same thing, my my theme is gonna stay the same. It's know yourself. It's like, you're in a position in life, hopefully, and possibly, or you're moving into a place where you have the opportunity to be a little bit more intentional about the way you spend your time. And if it's camping, absolutely. If it's the B&B by Gosh, all means whatever your thing is, figure it out so that you're not spending another 10 years, either waiting to do what you've always wanted to do, or doing things that you don't really like to make somebody else happy.

Cheryl Stuller  49:34

Right, exactly. Life's too short now for that.

Stasha Boyd  49:37

Yep. So I'm gonna say we have probably time for like one or two more so

Cheryl Stuller  49:42

Okay, these two are really I feel strongly about, okay, make amends with your exes. Okay, I never want to see or talk to my first husband ever again. And he's he's my ex for a reason. Right, you know, why would I want to revisit that and have that in my life? Right? What are your thoughts on that?

Stasha Boyd  50:08

Again it to me It goes back to the whole thing is that what she's trying to say I think about again, giving the benefit of the doubt is to not hang on to past anger past hurt. And but again, if you're a woman in your 50s, you already know whether you have any type of, you know, speaking term relationship with your former with your ex husband. If you have children together, you've already have some kind of, you know, weddings and funerals kind of situation going on? Um, no, I think it's very bad advice to tell people to tell strangers that really what they need to do is make amends with a person who probably that was probably part of one of the most damaging, and sad and fraught times of their life. I don't I think that's that is just too flippant of advice. You really need to know the person you need to know yourself, you need to know what's going on before you offer that kind of advice,

Cheryl Stuller  51:06

That, that one in particular, was really reckless, I think for her to put in there. And the other thing is, you can make amends without ever having contact with that person, you write a letter to that person and never send it or mail it or it doesn't see the light of day. But whatever you need to do, or you go out and build a bonfire and chant around it or something. Exactly. A voo doo doll whatever, whatever floats your boat, but you can you can make amends and get over something. Yeah. without even having contact with the person. And you know, like you said, we're in our 50s. Most of us, I won't say all but most of us have already dealt with that. Unless it's unless it's new, unless it's new. Well, that's a different thing.

Stasha Boyd  51:55

But again, I bet and I think that is an important thing is that if you are you know, it's not that you need to make amends, it's that you need to let go of whatever, whatever anger and pain is there. And you don't need to you don't need to have a relationship with them to let go of anger and pain. You don't need to put that to put that hurt down. Like you've said, write that letter, never send it but you've put you've put your thoughts on paper or back to try therapy, if you do feel like you're still holding anger and hurt in your heart and it's affecting how you live now. That's the key. Is it affecting how you live now, and if it is or how you want to live in the future. In that case, by all means, go get you some therapy, go find you a friend do what you got to do. But no, ladies, don't ever feel you're compelled to make amends with a person who hurt you because somebody else thinks it would be good for you.

Cheryl Stuller  52:46

And sometimes a little anger is is fine to you know, as long as it's not affecting you it's okay to, to you know, hold somebody responsible for the hurt that they caused you and you know.

Stasha Boyd  52:59

To sidebar a little bit. That is one of the challenges. I think that that women get a lot you know, you're never allowed to be mad. 

Cheryl Stuller  53:04

Yeah, come on. 

Stasha Boyd  53:06

It's like, no, that person was an asshole and I get to be mad about it, and I, you know, I don't get I don't live in a state of anger. But you know, No, I don't, I'm not going to go back on that. No, I don't need to do that. No, what they did was, Yes, it was angering. Well, I wouldn't have been angry about it. Well, who gives a fuck? You're not me.

Cheryl Stuller  53:22

Yeah, it didn't happen to you. 

Stasha Boyd  53:23

Exactly. So we got one more. So let's do one more. 

Cheryl Stuller  53:28

Spend more time in bed. Unless that's sexual, then no. Okay, we're going back to that. What are we, eighty? And we need to rest all the time, what does she mean by that?

Stasha Boyd  53:40

Well, what she means is like, you know, if you're now in a situation where you don't have to get up at with the alarm every day, if you don't have to get up and take care of kids, if you want like you know, luxuriate in bed on a Sunday morning and you know, read a book or or you know, lounge or something, you know, don't don't be mad at yourself for it, go ahead and do it. That's, that's her take on it. And again, I'm going to go on back onto this whole thing with again, know yourself. Some people, no they don't need to spend more time in bed, they need to get their ass up. Um, the people who do need to spend more time in bed like you said, it's like, you know, sex is important. You know, that's a whole other topic, a whole conversation for another time. Um, but if somebody is advising you to, going back to what I think she's trying to advise is to not be so hard on yourself about not being productive all the time. But the advice she's giving or that somebody is giving a woman in their 50s is that they need to lay down more. It's like no honey, get up, get up, go. If you want to read, read in the chair. If you want to do your crossword puzzles, like Do it, do it. Do whatever you want to, but the habit of lying down. If you want to pick a day, okay, Sunday morning, Sunday mornings is my morning where I get to spend an extra, you know, hour reading my book or whatever it is. But this should not be a life habit that you start in your 50s. 

Cheryl Stuller  53:53

No, no. 

Stasha Boyd  54:00

Okay, and I'm gonna go with my last one and then we'll wrap this one up. Um, okay, I've got to go back and forth between two. Okay, smile more. 

Cheryl Stuller  55:20

I did not see that one. 

Stasha Boyd  55:21

It's the very last thing that was. And it's and ladies, I know how many of you can tell me right now I need to learn to smile less. Because I was trained to smile all the time. I smile. Again. I've got a nice smile good for me. But the last thing that they said on this list was smile more. 

Cheryl Stuller  55:40

Oh my God, and I would say have real emotions. If you feel like smiling smile. If you're aggravated with some something or someone or a situation be aggravated. Feel the feelings that you have and quit turning them off and just saying, Oh, I need to smile. Oh, remember that I can't be angry or upset or frustrated. I need to smile.

Stasha Boyd  56:01

Yeah, so so that's to wrap up on that one. That's that last thing is right up there with the vegetables, if somebody's wagging their finger or telling you to smile, and it's like, No, I am competent. I am experienced. I know when I need to smile and when I don't. Is it true that smiling does, can lift mood and all of this kind of stuff? It can open endorphins and pathways. And yes, it can. And that's all true. But it is no one else's place to tell you that you need to smile.

Cheryl Stuller  56:34

I think it's more harmful to push down your emotions and smile through them and not feel them and and get through them have your feels, whatever that is. And then you know, move past it. Get over it. Don't let it linger. But have your feels and then move on. If somebody told me to smile more. Ooh, you need to smile more. Oh my god. I would punch them in the face. 

Stasha Boyd  56:58

Well, and also I think it also perpetuates a really incorrect stereotype which is I agree is damaging that smiling equates to personal happiness. If you're smiling at me, then I don't have to deal with whatever's going on with you. If you're smiling at me, then you know, okay, I can see everything's all right. Um, if that if you smiling becomes more about their comfort than your own. That's a problem.

Cheryl Stuller  57:23

Exactly. You know, you're having to make them okay, by I'm happy with you the way you look or act right now. So you need to smile more.

Stasha Boyd  57:33

You'll feel better if you smile more. It's like, 

Cheryl Stuller  57:36

Yeah, exactly. 

Stasha Boyd  57:37

Oh, no. And like I said, there is plenty of research that says that it does change states. But it's somebody empowering themselves to decide what your state should be.

Cheryl Stuller  57:49

Hmm. And I think that's where this chick was coming from. I don't think she's coming from a, no.

Stasha Boyd  57:54

I don't think so either. 

Cheryl Stuller  57:56

Exactly.

Stasha Boyd  57:57

And I would say so. So for me to kind of wrap it up, you know, if the thing of if a person could take one thing from me, um, I would say it's like, all of this advice. Know yourself, be able to recognize when somebody is basically when something when there's something that you want to do, if it resonates with you, if this feels good to you, if it feels like that someone's giving you piece of advice, and it suddenly like sparks something in you. Awesome, go do it. But if somebody is giving you some advice, and it's like you said it sounds condescending, it sounds like it's making you decrepit, or assuming that you're an incompetent, bumbling buffoon, or that you've never thought of the most obvious thing, then you can dismiss any advice that comes your way. That is not true to who you are, when you're aware of yourself.

Cheryl Stuller  58:51

Mm hmm. And I would say, you know, if you're searching for new, interesting things to do, and you come across a list like this, don't allow it to make you feel less than like, I should be thinking about doing all of these things, or I should be this certain place in my life. Take what you already know, that you like to do. And I like the expand your horizons more, you know, if you know that you like to run and you've never run a race, enter into a race, you know, just just baby steps on on doing things like that and don't go, it's okay to go out of your comfort zone, but only if that's what you want to do. Don't be guilted into it or made to feel like that's something that you should or should not be doing.

Stasha Boyd  59:41

Yeah. And I think that's the thing to do to recognize, you know, the differences in preference, the differences in style, you know, when you're a lot when you're a child when you're a younger person. There's a lot of sameness. A lot of you know all the kids are going to go to to recess now all the kids are going to go to you know, reading now or whatever. As we become adults. No, we're early Adults, we're all early in our career, you know, then as we age, people start differentiating a little bit. You know, people have kids younger, some have kids older, some don't have kids at all life experiences change. So by the time we're in our mid 50s, the incredible diversity between a lot of people who might look like you who might be in your age group who might be in the same, same financial situation you are, whatever that is, um, it's a mistake, I think, to assume that what's good for you is good for them, or what interests you should interest them. encourage people to be the best them that they can be. If you're giving it if you're giving advice position. Say it's like a what's your thing that you want to improve? How can I help you do that? Not here's what works for me. It'll work for you.

Cheryl Stuller  1:00:49

Or just saying this is what you should be doing and going through a list.

Stasha Boyd  1:00:54

Okay, so ladies, that's our final advice. No, no. All right. Don't get your list off the internet like we just did.

Cheryl Stuller  1:01:05

She should be fired by the way.

Stasha Boyd  1:01:08

Thank you all so much as always for listening, Cheryl. Thanks and I gotta get out of here because it really is hot. Our AC is still not working. So there you go. All right, everybody bye Cheryl. 

Cheryl Stuller  1:01:19

Bye.